Who am I? According to my faith I’m a child of God. A tired child at 53. A youthful 53. I was bodybuilding as a hobby for 20 years. Quit training 3 weeks ago. I’ve realized after all the years of depression, that I have a mental condition. I’ve been to the hospital, the psychiatrist, the church, and meds for the first time last year. I just can’t seem to quiet the thoughts. I’m not good enough, I’ll never be good enough, I’m a failure, and I just don’t belong here on earth. I have no criminal record. I’m just a guy that has tried my damndest to fit into society. I don’t. I interact with people. Very few people know I’ve been homeless 2 yrs. I just don’t seem to have the will anymore to go out and ‘ make it happen ‘. Strange. Almost died two years ago of an infection. Why didn’t I? 6 months later almost died in a river. Just as I made peace to go down for good…I f *in got rescued! Why? What good is life groveling for existence. It’s not IF I commit suicide, but when. I’d like the few things I have to go to someone that needs it. I don’t like the state america. Violence, greed, unending laws, hunger, homelessness, people with so much but unwilling to share to the needy. I could go on but what’s the point. As I’ve read some of the other stories here, I’m comforted that I’m not a freak that is overwhelmed by my existence. When I go, I won’t make any mistakes. TheyÂ won’t take your corpseÂ to jail if suicide is a crime ( Now that’s funny to me). I’m just tired of earth. Just tired.