The end seems so close…

Sometimes i sit in my room and think about what it would be like to die.People seem to fear it to the point of where there willing to sacrifice anything to escape it.They say curiosity killed the cat,well maybe the cat fancied the notion of  death as well.If driving a knife through my heart was easy,I’d be dead already.Suicide to me seems to be attainable in a way and there are some days i just want to soar off the highest cliff and never glance back,but i probably won’t.One day maybe I’ll stop taking my life for granted and start appreciating my indiscretions and endless misfortunes along the way.Thats what i tell my psychiatrist any ways…I honestly don’t see that happening,then again..who really knows…I do know one thing though,if i were to kill myself…I’d commit the act alone,my damned parents can wonder and hope I’ll return to their haven but the dead never come back,at least that’s what their people of faith say.I was listening to a song the other day and the woman sang,”Id rather hurt than feel nothing at all”,well numbness is bliss.Pain and suffering is what drove me here,had i lacked the emotion I’d be carefree in  a sense.If everything truly happens for a reason…why is this happening to me and im sick and tired of people with their christian lines,i need words from the heart,not from a deity…