I was ready to do this recently, but decided to hold off until Valentine’s Day. Both to better research my exit options and for the sheer poetic novelty of doing it on such a holiday as Valentine’s Day. Who knows, maybe it’ll sour the EX’s Â memory of her dinner date tonight with the man she left me for, as well.
I’m going to spend the night drinking heavily, head home when I’m feeling good and toasted and then go out to the nearby bridge with the noose I tied and jump off the side. I’ve made it extra long as to make sure I’m dead. Â 15ft. There’s the danger of decapitation, but I don’t care, I just want to make sure I do it right.
I’m rather excited to finally be prepared. I’ve written and sent deferred emails so no one will get them until tomorrow afternoon. It will be good to be done with painful, unfair world finally. GoodÂ riddanceÂ to it, I say.
I hope my atheistic (lack of) beliefs are correct. I’d hate to end up in some goofy afterlife. But if I’m wrong, I can’t believe in any version where one would be punished for what I’m about to do. I wish there were safe, legal ways to do this, so that if someone who needed them wanted them, they could use my organs. Seems like a waste. But then, so does my life and dreams and all the love I’ve ever foolishly wasted on people.