I dont know how i could explain anything to anyone. Its like: waiting to die. Life, is fucking miserable. I cant be happy on my own. There is no hope. Everytime i think there is, It’s crushed, demolished, fucking annihilated. Always being back to sq 1. But what I dont understand is, when an opportunity arrives, I turn it down. I dont know why. fear? Maybe I’ve finally just said fuck it. fuck friends and being social. I dont want to be shut down. I dont want your hurt so I choose this pain. I guess, all I can really say is: they made me this way. why cant i let go of… anything for that matter? Whats wrong with me. We live this life, to die. The human being is a pathetic, vile life form. Im worthless and meaningless. Because in this world, all we are is a grain of sand, at the bottom of the deepest, darkest depths. We are nothing, in the never ending abyss of everything in creation. Pawns on the chessboard of life. Its your move world.