I used to be such a good christian. I really did think of God as my bestfriend.
I decided I was going to do what I want and still be a good strong christian, if that makes any since at all.
But now, it’s like I don’t want anything to do with God.
I just keep telling myself he’s not real, but when I know deep down he is.
I know I’ve betrayed him in so many ways, so it’s not that easy just to start being a strong christian again.
And really, I don’t want too.
I want to smoke, I want to drink, I want to do what the fuck I want, when I want.
I don’t want to live by rules. sorry if that makes me a bad person.
My parents force me to go to church, but I hate going. I just tune it out the whole time.
I know I probably would be happier if I turned my life around to him, but I simply don’t want too. I guess I’m scared in a way.
And the even scarier thing to think about is that if I die, I’ll most likely be going to hell.
That is probably the only reason why I haven’t been able to catch the bus yet.
I’m terrified of God. I think I just don’t want to own up to what all I’ve done.
Who knows what the real reason is, but I know I’m screwing up my life, but I just don’t give a fuck anymore honestly.
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Idk if i believe in god i guess i kinda do i think the thoughts nice and sometimes its nice to have something to believe in but then sometimes i think what if its all just talk like none of its real and there is no heaven or hell. But if it is real then i am kinda scared to commit suicide cause apparently thats a sin and i dont wanna end up in hell that would suck. Imagine if you do all that to end your life just to end up worse off oh god i hate that thought!
You seem at a loss here at what to do. And it’s painful to be stuck like that.
First off, don’t be terrified of G-d. He cares about you no matter what happens.
Why do want to drink and smoke? How do you think things would be if you stopped? (A lot of my family members died from this…)
Sure there are tons of crap rules out there, but there are many good rules that are established for a reason. But I’d say, follow your heart and your conscience. You know what’s right and what’s wrong. Forget about your past mistakes. Why don’t you just do what you feel is right?
You want to own up to what you did, but you’re scared. Of what? Of those stupid lectures people give? Your parents’ disappointment?
Why don’t you talk with your parents about it? Maybe they can help.
Hope this helps somehow.
Seriously, you have done nothing wrong. And there is no “god” for you to be fearful of.
Think about this logically for a second. You say your parents force you to go to church against your will. What they are doing is wrong. I’m guessing you’ve had that since you were a child. Well the young brain is very malleable, it wants to learn, and in the early stages of life, it will believe more or less whatever it is told, particularly from the people it trusts mosts (ie. parents).
That’s why you feel like you do. Logic tells you that there is no god. (See http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/ for more info on proof that there is no god) yet it has been ingrained in you from birth to fear him and fear hell.
Personally, I see it as widespread, systematic child abuse. (One of the reasons I am getting out of here is cos it is so widely accepted even though it is so obviously baloney)
Don’t let a figment of your imagination tell you what to do or what not to do, just co so many other people share the same delusion. Look at the facts. Drinking and smoking have been scientifically proven to do physical damage to you. God has never been proven to exist. Prayer has never been proven to work.
Science is the way forward, religion will only take us back to the dark ages.
Can I just say… that I am in a similar plight too?
Coming from a christian background, what do you think is the truth of the matter with your predicament? (Regardless of how you feel – try to put that aside for a moment because emotions clout your judgment.) According to the christian perspective, why do you think this is happening?
I’m not trying to mess with you or annoy you. I know how irritable it is when you’re in this plight and people try to “religion-talk” you. I just hope to understand this together and perhaps at least find comfort in each other while we’re still on this earth (and not daring to board the bus).
My soul is dammed
God loves you so much and would never want to lose you as a child 🙂 I went through several periods like this in my life I just recently came out of a valley like this. I decided to give God my burden and trust in His Word that He will forgive me no matter ehat sin I did, for every sin is the same to Him 🙂 a good song to listen to by third day is the mountain of God. I will be praying for you if that’s ok 🙂 and if ever want to talk feel free to email me.
Love and Blessings,
Adrianne
Altera.ad@gmail.com
@neverknown, I drink and smoke because I really don’t give a rats ass about life. If it kills me, then so be it at least I’m having fun while going to my death bed. And I agree with you on several points, you make a lot of since. I guess I’m just scared and I know this sounds stupid, of what God will thank of me. Because I know I’m not going to be a holly-roller any time soon. And I know that makes me selfish, but I’m not going to act like something I’m not. So I don’t want to face god and say “sorry” but then just do the same thing over again, if that makes any since what so ever. Thank you for posting though, it did help a lot.
@Angel Ash, thank you for posting. I do believe there is some greater power out there, maybe not god per-say, but some kind of Intelligent Design, because all the other theories out there in my opinion don’t match up to facts. That is my own personal opinion. But I am with you, that I sometimes have a doubt in my mind that that intelligent design is actually a “God” and someone you have to obey. But that’s the most logical explanation I have seen so far, because it actually has a clear beginning, unlike evolution or the big bang theory. But I do think you made your opinion quite clear and I will look up that website you put.
@lynette0, hmm, that is a question I’m going to have to put some thought into. I guess putting all my emotions aside, I would say probably because I just don’t like being told what to do, and if God isn’t going to help me, why should I abide by his rules? I think this is happening because I have suffered from depression for so long now, but yet I still never fully get better. I just feel like when I needed God the most, he wasn’t there.
@neverthesame – Even the ID “theory” (if you can call it that) doesn’t have a clear beginning. Think about it. If there is a god, or supreme being, who (or what) created him? There are many unexplainable questions regarding the existence of supreme beings. If there is an omnipotent being, god for example, who is “all powerful”, that being must be able to see the future. But if that’s true, the future is already set and we have no free will. If that’s not true, then he’s not really omnipotent. Could God destroy himself? Could he foresee a time after he destroyed himself?
Evolution and the big bang are theories based on observation and fact. God is based on… the ramblings of some unverifiable nomadic desert-wanderers who were probably hallucinating from thirst.
You make a good point. But also, Evolution also has several flaws. Spontaneous Generation was proven false by Francesco Redi and several other philosophers and scientists. In a nut shell, that’s what the beginning of evolution states, something living being made from something non-living. I know it’s much more complex than that, but hey, I’m only fifteen, I’m no Albert Einstien. 😛 Also the Human eye, even Darwin himself couldn’t fully explain how that happened. Christianity tells you that God was always here, no one created him, he justs always been here, as hard as that is too wrap your head around. When you say, the future is already set and we have no free will, well that’s not entirely true. God gives you free-will yes, but he knows what decision you’re going to make in the long run. He’s not picking that to happen, he just knows it will.
Have you ever seen the documentary Expelled with Ben Stein? I though it explained a lot of things very well.
All in all though, I’m not doubting that you could very well be right, but I’m also not doubting you could be wrong. I have a lot of things to figure out, and I will continue to look up more stuff on evolution, to see things from a differ point of view.
You ever wondered where your thoughts come from.? There’s a good movie called “What the Bleep Do We Know”…it’s pretty good. Physicists talk about the universe and the nature of reality. It’s pretty cool
“God gives you free-will yes, but he knows what decision you’re going to make in the long run.”
Then how is it free will? If he knows what decision you’re going t make, then are you really making it, or is it already set? Can you change it?
There is enough logical evidence to disprove the existence of god as defined by christianity and the bible. I am open to the possibility of a ‘supernatural’ being (or beings) however. (Hesitate to use the word ‘supernatural’ but I’m not sure what other word to use, since I am referring to things outside our current level of understanding)