I can’t live like this. Everyday i am always pretending to be someone i am not. A smart person, a kid that a sophmore can ask quietly how to do the homework, someone to take remarks with a smirk on my face. I’m not. Instead i’m really a fucked up idiot that can’t do shit without fucking it up. A depresssed teenager that can’t even do something simple as ending it on a weekend when the house is to myself for hours.  What my parents never know (or care for) is that for every injustice and unfair insult they inflict upon me is one step closer for me to cutting myself. I know of the risks to cutting but the relief is so tempting, my heaven in hell, it might actually give me a reason to live.   I really want to end this. So far i’ve only tried and “actual” attempt only once and even that was pittiful (scarf came apart before i could dangle at all). I’m useless, this post is probably a waste of time, just thought this would help me, but feel worse inside 🙁
I won’t be able to comment for a week or 2 (my mom got pissed of when i showed emotion). I’ll check as soon/often as i can.
18 comments
You spoken to anyone bout your depression maybe tried getting help for it so you can feel better?
I practically told my mom i was suicidal by saying i was going to be the guy from seattle (even explaining what it meant) but she didn’t give a rats ass. If she doesn’t believe/care me who would?
I understand how you feel. I feel like I’m an idiot who can’t do anything a lot of times too. I mess up on things that may seem so easy to do. I’m been insulted by my parents too. They would also compare me with other kids and speak as though that kid is so amazing that I can never hope to compare. Without teling them, they won’t ever know. I’ve told them before and the more I did, the less they seem to compare and insult me. They still do it from time to time though, bagging on me.
I’m sure you’re not useless… cause you can probably do more things than I can.. and if you’re trying to kill yourself… cutting isn’t a great way to go.. it can fail and stuff..
@ smiling on the outside . What smiling on the outside what guy from Seattle?
I’m from Seattle though.
Try talk to her again make her pay attention and listen to you maybe you need to see a doctor or find someone that you can trust to talk to
@hani3
Kurt Cobain was the guy i was talking about
@crying on the inside
i guess i could try with someone i trust (although i might screw that up)
I’m really affraid though they might misunderstand me or get scared and i’ll be worse than i was before
I’m sure there is bound to be someone who will understand you. I don’t think there’s anything anyone has to be scared of about you.
@Smiling on the outside. Omg smiling on the outside do you really live in Seattle ??? Because I really do … I’m not going to say what area I’m in these postings but I can name areas that I’m nearby like Close to the Mt. Baker area. You know the place I’m talking about?
Btw you wouldn’t mess that up.
I’m sorry no i don’t live in seattle, i was just alluding to the city with KC to my mom hoping to explain to her what i was. I actually live in Pittsburgh.
TO PIEESD OK BUY BUY
Oh I see @smiling but does anybody found a way to end it??
I’m dying just thinking about this .. Is their a way does anybody have an ideas???
If only i knew, but guess i should talk to someone first.
I’d just like to die already but their is no way out. I can’t go on feeling like this anymore.
Is their any ways you all thought about doing it or know of?
Was thinking of cutting the plug chord off this lamp i have, approx. 3 ft, could use that to hang myself. My dad’s a doctor so he has lots of pills i could probably overdose on it. I could cut myself until i bleed out but i was just recommended against. Finally if i were really desperate i could just jump headfirst off the 2nd floor stairs but i honestly doubt that will end well.
sorry i know theres like a hole conversation going on hear but i feel like that a lot
and damn i wanna cut all the time but cant
I hear ya, tried but either i have a strong will or weak arms cause i could never get the nail clipper to penetrate the skin, just scratch, never bleed or scar.
What the hell are we to do then. I can never imagine cutting because it takes too long, you may do it wrong, and their are mo promises that you can even die from it. Their must be a pill or something option right guys ???