I found this site while searching for ways to kill myself and saw how some people went through the same things that I have. Some went through worse and some not so bad as me. Yet, I wonder why I’m still here? I wanted to die so much. I still want to die so badly. Yet, I’m alive and still here, still suffering in pain.
I wish I can find some good ways to kill myself, but still haven’t found anything great. Everyday, I walk around school and all I see are fake looks in people’s eyes. Walking around alone, coming home alone, staying inside this room that seems like a cage to me all alone. I had so many friends and close people, yet they all lied to me and left me. Everyone I placed my trust and love to, abandoned me. I feel empty, lonely, depressed, suicidal…. peaking at times unable to breathe… yet… why am I still here and alive…? I wanna die…
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That was how I found this site also. When I googled that in the past I never really found anything, just sites trying to tell me not to do it. The one site I really liked was the 10 min suicide guide on craked.com. Doesn’t actually show u a fail-proof method but it made me laugh.
that’s how i came across this site too. sadly, most pro suicide sites are banned from the net, and if you ask people for suggestions they go on a ‘god will save you’ rant. i’ve been waiting for when i turn 18 to go somewhere no one would find me and finally end everything..it’s weird because i want that day to come, yet i’m terrified as it draws closer
I know what you mean. I just found some sites that tell you not to kill youself or other sites giving bad ideas to kill yourself. Dying is so easy.. yet I can’t find a good way that suits me to do so..
Ya I so feel u there
I wish people weren’t so fake
They lie, deceive, and say all these nice and good things, and then when you need them, they’re not there. No one ever really is for long. They get tired and they leave. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone who truly cares. They just are there when it’s convenient for them, when it’s not, they don’t care whether you live or die.
@ Deep abyss… isn’t there someone you can talk to? How old are you, where are you from? Guy or girl? … it helps to put a “face” to the name. I’m a 42 yr old mom/wife from Pennsylvania… yeah, I know… OLD, but I feel like I’m 20 and at the same time 80.
yep, that’s what I found when I was searching suicide methods,
and @ smiling… I had to laugh at the one on cracked too.
ok, I think by the time I get my comment typed and posted I’m behind
@ Deep abyss, sorry that no one is there for long and when you need them. But there are people that care if you live or die… we do.
I know that might seem hypocritical since we’re all researching methods, too. Just know that you’re not alone?
Well I can be there for u if u want I always answer my emils except when I am a sleep
and if i can’t get back to u right away I do the minuete I can
If you kill yourself, there are three possibilities I can think of:
1. You completely disappear altogether
2. You end up in a better place
3. You end up in a worse place (e.g. where there are more people that hurt you)
no.. I have no one to talk to. Every friend and person that I’ve ever trusted and shared my heart with, has abandoned me. The people who are still there consider me a nuisance and wont’ talk to me. They talk when it’s convenient for “them” not when I need them. I’m in California and if it wasn’t obvious… I’m a guy, yeah.
I used to have people who I thought cared about me. I even had a girlfriend online who clinged to me and said she loves me and told me so many things that warmed my heart… and we had a future together too.. but even she ended up just not caring. Yeah.. it might sound stupid.. but I felt like it was a real relationship. I was gonna visit her this summer when school is out too. And then I had friends I’ve known for years and then they stop talking to me… including friends I’ve known in elementary school. Family aren’t really close to me much either. Friends online either stop logging on or compeletely don’t care about me. They used to, when they had depression or stuff bothering them, then when I was able to help them, they just left me.
But yeah… I know I’m not alone in feeling depressed and all that and suicidal… wanting to die… but I still feel empty and lonely..
Well like I said we can be friends
and I am not like that so ya
@life sucks thin u die: Thanks for your offer.. but I don’t wanna be a nuisance to you too. If you need anything… just ask me too. I’ve helped friends with their problems and situations before… most of them are greatly off now… so they don’t even talk to me… so yeah. I’ll be there for you too, if you ever need anyone.
@lynette0: I get what you mean.. and I know. But the thing is… sometimes.. living can be worse than dying.. you know?
@ Deep abyss… well that sucks! you’re there for them when they need you but they’re not there for you… that’s just not right! How old are you?
Is there anyway you could see a shrink? And no, it doesn’t sound stupid that it felt like a real relationship… look at all those online dating sites.
Then there’s also this place… we care about each other on here, it doesn’t have to be about dating to have “feelings and concern” for someone.
There’s many different types of feelings. Hmmm… that didn’t really sound right! But I think you get what I mean. At least I hope so.
Yeah, I know what it’s like… you know everyone on here is suicidal yet at the same time you still feel alone.
thanks
but in a way i dont need people being there for me anymore
i have to first figure out whats wrong with me and thin i will let a friend help you know.
but if you ever wanna talk threw email we can
@Journey: Yeah.. I know. But… I wanted to be there for them. I’ve always thought.. that’s what friends are for, aren’t they? To be there for you when times are tough and not just to spend the good times together? Yeah.. I was in that relationship with her for a long time… and we were both felt the same… but she completely changed in just a bit… left me a week before valentine’s day too. It’s funny cause… we really connected. We could read each other’s minds and know what the other is thinking, you know? Something that you can’t always get with just dating someone in real life… since you don’t take much time to actually “know” the person. You’re about.. twice my age I guess? or somewhat more or less. I don’t go see any shrink or anything. The thing is… I know exactly why I’m unhappy and I want to die. I’ve always known myself I guess? Even as a kid in elementary school.. my parents used to tell me of how wise I am… knowing more than even most adults and elders know. Knowledge is not power… and wisdom is not a gift… it’s all a curse… (though I don’t personally think I’m that smart anyways.. hehe, I’m probably a complete idiot).
@life sucks thin u die: Even if you don’t but just need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I’m usually at home now… since I’m not in any sport or really in any clubs anymore. I could use the company of some people… so sure.. just give me your email address if you wanna talk to a depressing person like me.
@Deep Abyss: Actually, I think there is no way we can compare living and dying – simply because we do not understand the two well enough. In fact, we do not understand dying at all. We can only base our understanding of death/suicide on beliefs, information and experiences – which can all be misleading anyway. My life is terrible – but I don’t know if it is worse than death.
haha i love talking to depressed people like me haha i can talk to them easer you know
aseibel92(at)gmail(dot)com
@ Deep abyss… yeah, I know what you mean about really connecting from an internet relationship… it’s ALL about getting to know someone. Because it’s only the emotional side, none of the physical stuff which all too often ends up happening WAY TOO FAST and then the emotional connection never really ends up happening. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.
I’ve often thought how neat it would be if some of you “kids” ( this coming from an old married woman of the advanced age of 42) could end up finding someone special on here. Heaven know there are enough young single people on here. I just wish somehow you guys could end up finding someone to spend your life with through this site…. ok, enough of that I’m starting to repeat myself.
As far as being smart goes, being able to do well in school is a major asset, even if you have to work your tail off to do it! It can get you through college and into a decent job… something other than a dead end job like where I am. I liked the maybe I’m an idiot… hehe. It made me laugh. It’s good to see you still have a sense of humor.
Ok, i’m gonna post this and see how far behind I am on the comments. LOL!
Thats how i found this site too. I want to find an easy way to kill myself aswell and yeah people suck they make you feel so much worse
@lynette0: Yeah, you don’t really know what awaits.. but to me, I’m not really afraid of dying. I don’t really like to feel pain, like many people, but I’m just not really afraid of death.
@life sucks thin u die: Yeah, I get what you mean. I can’t really relate to people who are always so happy and hanging with lots of people anymore. I feel more connected to others who feels the same way I do, or similar to it.
ya i am tired of being around people that get on my nevers likke them you know
@ crying… I always used to think it would be easy to do myself in. That it was just a matter of finding the right kind of pills and taking enough of them. Now I’m finding out how hard it really is! That really sucks… the stupid brain stem just doesn’t want to die!
Yeah, people just seem to think you can wish yourself out of your depression and if you are motivated enough to do well you can. Doesn’t work that way.
@ Journey yeah i know this is harder then i thought it would be and im just so scared of everything it sucks and really starts to mess with your head. They always say that suicide is a cop out and for weak people who are cowards but im starting to realise that it takes guts to kill yourself its actually bloody scary i think they were quite brave. I watched this programe on assisted suicide where they give you some lethal drink it looked like an easy peaceful way to go. God i wish i could have that drink!
@Journey: That’s why I was in an online relationship… I thought I could be closer to the girl. To get to truly know her, not just to have sex with her and then dump her and move on. I wanted to truly connect to the person I love. I thought I had that connection and she just left me saying she doesn’t have time for me… even though she had time to spend with friends.
I really have no goals in life anymore. Doing well in school just doesn’t seem as important to me. I’ve gotten straight A’s since elementary school and gotten awards every year and was active and in sports… but none of that matters to me anymore. I just seems pointless. I guess since I started feeling that way, my grades dropped a lot. I have nothing really to look forward to in the future anymore.
@crying on the inside: Yeah.. I found out that overdosing and all that don’t really work well… it’s hard to find a good way to die without feeling the pain that comes with it before you die.
@life sucks thin u die: Yeah, I know what you mean. I tried to go to this one club meeting today… to just see what it was about, and I see them all laughing and having fun with each other, even new members… but they just pretty much ignore me. I talk to some people, but I couldn’t connect to them. They’re just.. not the type of people I can connect to or have fun around anymore.
ya i have never been able to realy conect with anyone in real life. its all kinda sad
thats why i love animals and people on line haha wow i am lame as shit
I don’t think you’re lame. And yeah I get what you guys are saying about not being able to connect… I get all tongue tied, can’t think of anything to say and end up sounding like a total idiot. I do much better being able to type things out.
And yeah I feel ignored too. Even by people that I know genuinely care… I just don’t know what to talk about.
@sucks… I want to join Holly’s site but I can’t make up a new
FB account it always takes me to mine and when I search on there I see her site… do you know if other people can see that? ??? If anyone on my FB sees that I’m soooo dead! Also if I post to Holly’s site would it show up anywhere on mine? …. I don’t think it would, that it would just post on hers but I’m afraid to put anything on there.
well if you have another email account i can make you one cuz you have to be loged out of yours to try and make a new one.
and if you wanna you can be friends with me on my fb account i have two accounts and you can find them both on her group
and no i am sure they dont show up just in her group and no one can find out that your in that group unless they join it as well
@life sucks thin u die: I don’t think that’s lame. Sometimes.. you just can’t connect with people cause they don’t truly understand or take the time to understand. I was able to connect with friends before in real life… and they all just turn their backs to me when I need them and don’t even talk to me anymore. I can’t really consider them friends anymore when they invite and hang out with each other but exclude me and not talk to me anymore. I love animals too and like to talk to people online. I feel I can get to know them more. Know the real them. The ones that they don’t need to try to mask in real life because of society’s criticisms. If you wanna speak of lame… I never even got a real life girlfriend before. I’ve always believed that having an online relationship and then carrying it into real life would be better. You get to know each other so much inside and out that when you meet in real life, you can relate and connect in ways you can’t just by being with someone in real life right away.
@Journey: Yeah, sometimes it’s easier to type than to actually talk because when you type, you can think more about what you talk about and feel. You don’t get pressured as much I guess to people who aren’t used to talking to others in real life.
@Journey: Being “smart” is overrated, because it’s usually the only kind of “smarts” that can be beneficial to society and ‘the System’, even for the Powers-that-be, like big corporations, government, etc.
In truth, there are actually MANY kind of “smarts”, as already attested & proven by Howard Gardner in his Multiple Intelligences theory & instruments.
To list just a few: there are spatial kind of intelligence, verbal intelligence, musical intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence (which have a LOT to do with introspection, asking questions of Life, philosophy, etc), etc.
But alas, the only kind of intelligence (“smart”) that this large society seems to *only* value is the Logical & Mathematical ones.
heck, even those two are misleading!
In our current sick, corrupt capitalistic society/system nowadays, the truth is, it’s probably the what I would call ‘trickery’ intelligence, ie: things like kissing people’s asses, bribing, lying and tricking people to make them believe what you said, ALL in order to get advanced in climbing career/success’ ladder.
This seems to be very UN-natural for human beings & humanity,
no wonder nowadays we’ve seen and heard so many depressed, apathetic, jaded, and suicidal people!
Just as the amount of ‘greedy foxes’ people seems to get arise,
there are also nowadays an equal amount of depressed, jaded, suicidal people on a rise.
If you guys all have time here, you should really use Internet to type any kind of question that you’re curious, and believe me it will lead to a LOT of interesting information that the Powers-that-be, System, and even the mass mainstream media NEVER want you to know! …to know THE TRUTH!
Google “Zeitgeist Moving Forward + Youtube” and watch it,
it could be a good start to explore further of ‘the ugly Truth’ to open your eyes/mind.
ya i would like to have a boyfriend but i cant seam to keep one long enough its really sad if i think of it
@ sucks… yeah, my new email account is
Thanks, I have to go to bed soon… getting over being sick and don’t want to end up having it come back.
Bummer, too I’m having an absolute BLAST on here with you guys!
🙂
@ sucks …
i put my email account up and it says
awaiting moderation… ! 🙁
ya thats why i will sometimes put spaces or (at) (dot)
it will go up fast if its doesnt detect your email idk its hard to explain
@niki: I already know something like that before. I’ve known about how corrupt and messed up society is for as long as I can remember. I learned about that and realized it in junior high I think. I’m not exactly sure what that has to do with what we were talking about though.
@life sucks thin u die: It’s not sad. I’ve only had online girlfriends and one cheated on me and the one that I connected to and were so close to me left me cause she didn’t have time for me… even though she said she loves me and I was perfect to her and she wants to marry me, etc. I had plans with her too. We were gonna have picnics under cheery blossoms and everything. So, yeah, it’s not too sad. I’m worse and so lame that a girl who said she will always love me left me just cause she had no time for me and couldn’t wait 4-5 months to see me and be with me.
@Journey: Not sure what the smiley is for.
ya i feel you there sometimes us girls can be a hug *****
@life sucks thin u die: idk about that. I never called my exgf a ***** even when she left me and forgotten what we had in just a few hours. But what can I say? Some of us guys are asses and jerks too.
ya everyone has a mean side to them
even i when i dont wanna to have one i got it
@ sucks… ok here goes again,
@ Deep abyss… the smiley was in reference to a comment that had my email in it and it is currently awaiting moderation.
I had said that I was going to have to go to bed soon cause I’m getting over being sick and I don’t want it to come back again…. it’s getting late here, 1:30 am. Besides if I wait to long it wakes my husband up by the time I go back cause by then he needs to go to the bathroom.
But … anyhow, I had said
Bummer about having to go to bed soon, because I’m having an absolute BLAST on here with you guys.
ok well sleep well and i hope you day goes really well
love ya girly
@life sucks thin u die: Yeah, I know. I’m sure I have one too. One that goes “grawr grawr moo moo Imma eat you” or something.
@Joureny: Oh, so that’s what it was. I wasn’t sure cause I never tried showing my email here before. I didn’t know you were heading to bed soon and that you were sick. I hope you’re all better and sleep well then. And likewise, it was nice talking to you.
ya that made me laugh
@ sucks… still here, did you get my email wrote down, I don’t like the idea of leaving it on here. @ Deep abyss… if you wanted to you could email me too. If you want.
So yeah, if you guys want it and have it wrote down I was gonna take that off.
ya i had email you did you getit
I got the email but i don’t see your email address on it anywhere to add you to my contacts.
o ok aseibel92(at)gmail(dot)com
i am sure if you relpy it will save it i never save mine cuz there alredy there
@life sucks thin u die: ah, I see. idk… maybe I’m just crazy.. but even in depression and suicidal, I can be childish for thinking that way. But yeah.. I can get like that too. My mean side. Yup. It goes like that.
@Journey: Sure, I’ll send you an email too so you can get my email if you wanna contact me like I sent to life sucks thin u die earlier. idk if she got it though. I’ll send you my email too with that.
no i didnt get it i have been waiting
i didnt wanna be annoying lil b**** so i didnt say anything
o and sory you can call me sucks its shorter haha @deep abyss
Lol you guys still chatting oh here! My sister keeps coming in my room so i keep getting outta it. I wish i could meet you all you’s all sound like such nice people but your all so far away so its just me all alone noone understands me or why i am the way i am 🙁 I was starting to think that there was noone else like me but i guess i was wrong and i was also starting to think that there were no nice people who would understand i guess i was also wrong about that. I still wish every single day that i was never born 🙁 Deep abyss you sound like such a nice guy not many of them around and do you talk to is it hani? Is he okay?
yup were still at it i had taken a long nap cuz i never seam to sleep anymore so i am sure i am gonna stay up for a wile longer you know.
@ crying… you should go on Hollyb’s site… families dealing with sucide its on facebook. Shes from the UK … IDK would she be closer to you time wise? Hang in there sweetie youre not alone.
@ sucks… got your email, not sure when I’ll be able to email you, may have to lie low for a while.
@Deep abyss… yeah, that sounds good
its ok i understand take your time
@life sucks thin u die: I sent it to you right after you showed your email. Did you still not get it? And don’t worry, you’re not annoying in any way. I like talking to people who can really understand rather than those people I see who are always laughing and all that happily with people and talk out loud and stuff in school. And also, I’ve just been copying and pasting the longer names, since I got lazy. Yes, I get lazy.
@Journey: I sent you an email too. idk if you got it yet or not. I sent one to you awhile ago.
@crying on the inside: I wish I wasn’t born either. And nah, I don’t personally think I’m nice or anything. I haven’t talked to hani or anything. I think hani gave an email address… but I didn’t contact that yet or add it yet.
no i havent sorry idk what email do you have
That’s weird. I sent it like 2 hours ago. I sent you one through my hotmail. I guess I’ll try to make a gmail and email you guys again then.
o get them idk why it didnt go threw did you wright down the right email
Deep abyss dont be too hard on yourself i think you sound like a really nice guy its hard to be treated like shit by everyone you know and its really hard when people dont understand the things your dealing with. Like for me i suffer from anxiety and depression and unless people have it or have gone through it they really dont get it you start to feel very isolated its like you then a wall and everyone else its heaps hard. I wonder if hani got his hands on that drug he was after? How old are you again sorry i forgot?
@ Deep abyss… nope i havent gotten it.
@ sucks… I added you to my contacts.
ok sweet haha
I’ll just make a gmail account and add you guys there then. Since my hotmail apparently doesn’t wanna work. My msn works… so thought it would work to send it to you two, but guess not. I’ll finish making one and add you guys on it.
ok kwel 😉
@Journey: did you get my email? I sent one to you already too.
Yeah, I just sent you one back that I got it. But guys, it has my real name on it somehow which is what I was trying to avoid with FB and going on Holly’s site, not to mention you gotta watch out for weirdos on here, too, I guess. Any idea what I did wrong when I set it up? Ahhh unless when I did the info that was where I screwed up not realizing it would put it out there too. UGH!
@Journey: I see. I’m new to gmail, so idk how to change that. If it’s like other email and messengers and stuff, it should allow you to change it to what you want. idk Holly or her site on FB or anything, so idk what to comment on that. And yes, there are weirdos on here and everywhere. I personally think I’m weird in a way too though.
ok hey guys i am about to fall a sleep and i need to get off of hear (i will get in trouble if my gma knows i wan on my laptop) and if i get back on it would be threw my ipod so ya haha
and journey umm there should be a way to change that. if you dont want us to know your name.
@life sucks thin u die: Alright. Have a good sleep.
hey deep
Hey.
haha im still here
I see. Well.. idk if you slept now since the last post, but it was nice talking to you Journey.
I laugh all the time, I play sports, I have fun with some friends. But I don’t have anyone that is really close to me. But being in college, there is so much stress, and I have no motivation to do any of the assignments. I’m interested in what I’m studying, but it just seems so meaningless because if I graduate, then I will have a job and then I’ll have to work until retirement and then…. I’ll just die. Maybe I’ll have a wife, kids, some closer friends. But it seems like such a routine. Life itself has become a routine. Even parents say so: “You’ll graduate college, get a job, get married, get kids, and retire.” And then die, right? I don’t want to die, but I just want to get away from all the pressures of society. Society is what kills us. Society is what prevents us from loving life. I’m just going to explore my mind and try to access that spiritual world all the religions talk about. Maybe then, I can find some meaning. I’ll keep you guys posted.