Something weirds been happening ive changed this year ALOT in 5th grade i went through my depression stage then came 6th grade and i became all happy and stuff but now its 7th grade and im starting to remember i mean i guess ive always remembered i mean ive pratically tortured myself with the memories even though it happened like 4 yrs ago i guess cant really remember but this year its really hitting me with a BANG!!! so with the memories and my parents fighting things arent looking so good for me but im trying to hang on and all you other people here should try to hang on to try to find reason to live it could even be for something small and stupid my reason is because my friend said if you dont kill yourself you’ll go to the anime world and i know very well that doesnt exist but im still hanging on ive also got my dog soufle with me cuz my sisters are always harassing her and then my sub-dad he’s another story with the way he treats her its animal cruelty i swear my mom keeps on telling me the only reason she’s still even here is because im so sick in the head rhat i need soufle to depend on wich is kinda true i would fall apart if she was gone.So i was in art club today and my teacher wich is also my homeroom teacher was talking with some other teacher so we didnt really have to do anything we just had to be quiet so i wrote a poem she asked what i was doing and i told her then she asked if she could read it and i thought if i didnt let her read it that would just make me look susicious so instead of givng her the poem i just wrote i gave her a poem i wrote before wich is about how you feel when you die so when she read she said it was beautiful and she liked it then she had to ruin it by saying that she had to tel the guidance councelor about it cuz it was her job and all wich totally sucked so now im prepareing myself to give fake answers to what ever questions this councelor mught have then my teacher had to go into a story about how when she was my age all she thought about is dieing and i really hope she couldnt see wat was going through my eyes cuz i really didnt care she ended up giving me a crappy life lesson and she kept on trying to convince me that all we’re gonna do is have a conversation and i kept on telling her that it was all right cuz i dont really care i mean all we’re gonna do is have a conversation yeah right man this really sucks i dont know what to do? then my teacher started flipping through my poem book and i really didnt mind but i stoped her when she got to the poem about me being molested cuz theirs noway in hell i letting anyone know what happened in the end of it all she asked me that she wouldnt have to worry about me right and i told her yes my friend J came right on time to and i left real quick i hope things go well for me.Now (sorry for not putting periods i hate those shits dont see a purpose in them) a couple of weks ago me and my mom had this HUGE fight about my being depressed and that i should speak my mind and all that crap well i took her advice and do you wanna know what i got in return, i got screamed at my mom really has to make up her mind.Someone asked why i cut ill tell you why cuz my parents suck but i havent cut this WHOLE week wich is a new record YAY : ) ME and the cuts from lat week are completely healed another yay for me.Well i guess until next time BYE!!!
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Oh my god. I suffered with every line as it happens to me when I also read some other postings too. It “cut” my heart what you wrote. I will try to do my best to explain what I think I am seeing in your posting.
There are 2 problems. One is the generating cause, a horrible family atmosphere which wreaks havoc in the emotional stability of a girl like you because you are powerless, you need to be fed, given a place to live and you feel you are trapped between the need to survive and the awful life at home.
–> Then it comes how you evolve and react to these aggressions against you.
a) the enormous suffering mounts inside you, it causes you the depression and as a consequence of that you “cut” yourself as a way to mitigate the pain by ways of torturing your body, it seems that you feel you “kill” the emotional pain that way.
b) and the second problem is how you are evolving towards the “adaptation” to that situation. You are coming out through an aggressive depression, you dont want to hear people trying to help you or give you lectures like (sorry) I am giving you. You are interpreting that by letting it be so then you become an “institutionalized problem”, like ” a girl who has a problem” and now the officials have to take care of them, it is as if they were putting you a tag, and this is the last thing you feel you deserve.
If I were there, I would give you a hug and would protect you and I would do everything in my power to avoid that anybody hurts you. But I am not the only one who would do that. As I cant be wherever you are, even though you hate it, the teacher has been an intelligent person and has grasped there was something wrong and I bless her she does care. Whatever your name is, please, do talk to the right persons that are trying to help. I would also do it on your behalf if you want me to do it.
Hugs
O
Hey I’m thirteen and I’m in grade eight my dad left last year and I haven’t really recovered from that, when I was in 7th grade my mom saw my cuts and sent me to a counseler it didn’t really help but that was probably because I made up fake shit, maybe you should try with this counselor, It didn’t work for me and I’m suicidal at the moment but the only reason I’m still here is becauase I talk shit out with my friends I recomenned that if you don’t want to talk to your friends about this stuff you could talk to me because a year ago I was in the same situation as you except I wasn’t molested… That sucks noone deserves that sick shit to happen to them. So if you want to talk I have experience in this shit and I’ve talked people out of suicide before I’m no professional and I’m not telling you what to do because that isn’t fun I’m just some kid who can relate to your situation so if you wanna talk…