imagine you’re stuck in a crowd. you don’t know anyone. you don’t no where you are or how to get out and no one wants to help you.Â CanÂ you image how you would feel?Â How panicked you would be? Well thats how my life is everyday. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. Bad combo huh?
I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today, is you guessed it a bad day. I’ve been getting a few bad days recenty and I just.. I can’t doÂ it anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t freak out when I have to do something new. I can’t pretend I’m okay with going to new locations. I can’t pretend I’m okay with not knowing anyone. I can’t pretend that I don’t hurt inside everyday. I can’t pretend I’m okay for my partner and family. I can’t keep pretending.Â
My pyschologist says ‘I can’t help youÂ until you help yourself’. Maybe I don’t want to help myself. Maybe I’m so tired fromÂ all the pretending that I just can’t do it.Â I don’t know what toÂ do anymore. I’mÂ on the end of myÂ rope and I’m so close to be pushed over it’s notÂ funny. Â Â The only thing that hols me back is the guilt I have for knowing if I ‘left’ I’d hurt so many people.
I can’t keep pretending to be the person that I’m not. I can’t keep pretending I have the strength left to fight anymore. I can’t keep doing this anymore.