Why does it always has to come back. For a while I was so called happy. I didn´t want to hurt myself, but now the feelings and desires are back. And I hate it. I don´t want to be like this. I even got a boyfriend, and he loves me I think. In the beggining I thought the same, I felt like i had finally found somebody I was ment to be with, But now I don´t know. Maybe I am just ment to be loved and love in return. Maybe I life is not for me. Why do I have to taint everything and every thought I have with darkness. The last few weeks I have been imagining cutting my wrists, the pain, the blood. AAnd I don´t feel pain in doing it. and when I have this kind of thoughts I want to scream at myself, I want to stop myself thinking about things like that. But I can´t. Maybe I subconsieusely don´t want it to stop. I don´t know anymore. I am so tired of it all, I don´t want to feel the emptiness inside me. But I can´t to anything to fill it and make it disappear.
6 comments
Gotta lern to love your self, before you can love some one else.
You are what you do.
dot is bang on….bang on….it’s a challenge to do it that way….it’s the way thought
How about telling what’s wrong and is bothering you? Maybe if you find out the reason why you’re feeling down, you might be able to solve it and feel better. If you can’t do it alone, I can help you. If not me, there are others here who would love to help you too.
I myself gather things around me thinking they will make me “happy”. But honestly I lost the emotion to be “happy” a long time ago. I put on this face so no one else knows how much I’m hurting or how down I am because I don’t want the pity or the “you need serious help” look.
@Deep abyss.
I don´t really know what is exactly bothering me. Maybe it has something to with the fact I told my sister that I feel like she is abandoned me, my brothers too. I don´t what I was thinking when I told her that. when she looks at me I see that she sees a spoild brat, a kid that is trying to looklike her. BUt It´s not true, I don´t want to be like her, I want to be better then he, I want to see her look at me like she was proud of me, proud of what I have become. But it will never happen. I won´t succeed, I know that now. I am just a miserable person, who just exicts.
@LonelyEyesOfLostness.
It is so hard to act always. In doing that you lose yourself, I have lost me in that. ometimes just want somebody to see the real you, not the one you are trying to be. I want somebody hold me and say that you don´t have act anymore. I won´t judge you, but they always do. If you are little bit different you are out.
@dot.
That is true. But how can you love yourself, if you want to hurt yourself and hate yourself when you aare doing that. Why does it always have to be so hard. Why can´t I just wake one day up and never think of self harm.