Why does it always has to come back. For a while I was so called happy. I didnÂ´t want to hurt myself, but now the feelings and desires are back. And I hate it. I donÂ´t want to be like this. I even got a boyfriend, and he loves me I think. In the beggining I thought the same, I felt like i had finally found somebody I was ment to be with, But now I donÂ´t know. Maybe I am just ment to be loved and love in return. Maybe I life is not for me. Why do I have to taint everything and every thought I have with darkness. The last few weeks I have been imagining cutting my wrists, the pain, the blood. AAnd I donÂ´t feel pain in doing it. and when I have this kind of thoughts I want to scream at myself, I want to stop myself thinking about things like that. But I canÂ´t. Maybe I subconsieusely donÂ´t want it to stop. I donÂ´t know anymore. I am so tired of it all, I donÂ´t want to feel the emptiness inside me. But I canÂ´t to anything to fill it and make it disappear.