I feel so utterly empty. I find it so difficult to form emotional connections to people. Even when I do, I always go overboard and end up ruining things. When this happens I just want to be free – free from pain, from shyness and from self-loathing. There’s this girl at my college who I think is just the most amazing person in the world. I think about her all the time. Her face, her personality, her voice, her mannerisms – essentially her very being. I try to fight these strong feelings of affection I have for her but no matter what I try to do, the intensity of the love I have for her never erodes. I’ll never be with her, she’s already confirmed that. It’s there all the time. I have severe problems with my mental health. I find it incredibly difficult to socialise, I hate with a vehement passion the way I look and just feel generally hopeless about the future to be frankly honest. I’ve tried killing myself three times now, all by overdose, but that was out of impulsiveness. Now I just feel very sad and useless and just want to slip away quietly. I just don’t know what to say or do anymore…
4 comments
wow man this post sums up how I feel about life too. I’m in high school and my senior year and I doubt I’ll graduate… been suffering from such emptiness for so long that I lack the motivation to do anything. never had a gf, or even kissed a girl, etc. I hate the way I look as well, to an extreme. no self esteem/confidence. I dont have any suggestions on how to turn your life around because I can’t do that for my own life, but if you want to end your life with a good success rate and painlessly, look up ‘helium hood method’. it’s what I’m gonna use next month or in may.
best of luck dude.
wow this also sums up my life too. everyday i suffer from being lonely and being in love with a girl i will never be with. i feel your pain, i have a very hard time socializing with people but i really want to be social. i also feel absolutely hopeless about my future. the way i’m killing myself is by laying my head on train tracks and well… my head will explode, killing me instantly. i wish i could post advice here but the truth is, there is no advice. we sit here everyday with the pain and suffering towering above us and there’s nothing that can stop it.
Well,.we would perhaps easily view most girls are ‘shallow’ and ‘stupid’ for always seem to go for the ‘wrong’ guys: who have looks, rich, assholes etc..
But sometimes, to be fair, don’t we guys also do the same thing?..only wanting a ‘good-looking” girl with “perfect no-flaw” attitude,.while MOST probably u are ignoring a girl who is not-so-pretty, yet, she’s a kind, CARING human who rooted for u to speak with her.
Think about it..
I’m speaking from my own experience..and learned a hard, painful lesson definitely.
Be Open, and look at Yourself first.
Probably two most important advices I can give/share..