As it seems, there is no escape.

I’m 19. A college student at the engineering department.I thought that if i could make it and pass to my college this would make me get rid of depression, fake and painful friendships, broken parent relationships and a life full of misery, full of wretchedness. Apparently non of these are true. My life is falling apart while it seems that noone cares about me.I’m locked in my house almost everyday doing nothing, while l’m living parasitic.The phone almost never rings and when it does it is probably my family for the typical stuff. Yes, i tried therapy and apparently it did me no good. Some time has passed and the idea of death seems so sweet to me. I dont know what to believe but most likely the next life will definitely be better than the current one. I can’t accuse myself of not trying to escape this swamp in which im going under. I have been always giving everything i could to my relationships either that was with a girl or a friend.What i got in exchange was negligence. I just feel that i can’t help myself anymore… I’ve done what i could..I really don’t want to give up but i’m just sinking deeper and deeper. Maybe im writing here to make the final step. Maybe i just needed 2 reconsider my whole life and how devastated it is to make me take the decision to end my life. Sometimes i just consider that while i’m whining about this terrible things are happening around the world but still my problem seems the most important to me. My face is full of tears which means that another psychological breakdown aproaches. I feel weak and embarassed. How i let myself end up like this? It doesn’t matter anymore and this can’t change