I’ve tried overdosing. I’ve tried cutting. I’ve tried strangulation. I’ve tried ingesting chemicals. Nothing works. And I hate it. So lately, I’ve been searching around for other ways. Other ways that won’t seem so… obvious. Other ways that, in the event I fail, I won’t be carted off to the loony bin afterwards. Â So I figure: infection. Acquire a small cut. Keep it open. Rub some dirt in it. Get it infected. It gets red, swollen, *****. Soon, I get ill, a fever, and with luck, the infection travels to my blood. It’s painful, sure, and likely to take a long time, but I don’t leave my apartment, anyway, so all I have to do is wait it out…
I am so messed up, I know. But it’s not like I can get Vicodin or whatever. You know, some painkiller. I can’t afford it. So getting an infection is the next best thing.
I don’t know how to keep a wound properly infected, though. I mean, I’ve tried infecting a few cuts, but they just heal up right away.
I dunno. I wish I had access to needles tainted with Hepatitis or something.
God, I am so messed up. I wish dying were easier. I hear of people who successfully pull off suicide, and I get so jealous…
I don’t need people preaching to me about this, either. All you’ll do is piss me off even more.
4 comments
if you google carotid artery, if you cut that in your neck you will be dead in about 20 seconds. no chance of survival. since i helped you out, how about you take an hour to tell me your story.
have you ever done binge drinking up to 2 litersof vodka? Shouldnt that kill ya sure as hell?
@stm1992 : why? why do you want to die, what happened to you? don’t get jealous of people who commit suicide but get jealous of people having a good life, even some of them have had very bad trauma’s and very bad things happened to them, because they know how to deal with it….that’s the difference.
and please don’t play with your health, i’m sure that one of the people around you will see it and get antibiotics for you. also you don’t die from hepatitis so quickly it can take many years, and you don’t want to get infected with hepatitis, that’s horrible!
@rocky90 : don’t do that, why do you want to get the pain away with vodka….have you ever tried talking with someone about your problems, that’s another very different and succesfull way of getting away from the pain.
Rocky90: I’ve done the whole drinking thing; sadly, I cannot hold my liquor very well, so the only think drinking would accomplish is my throwing up.
Bella_87: No, nobody cares. My family lives ten miles from me and I haven’t seen/spoken to them in nearly three years. I am 18. I live all alone in an apartment; haven’t left it in two weeks. If I were to try and commit suicide, nobody would know for a long, long time. Probably not until my neighbors started noticing a smell.
Jealous of people having a good life? I get jealous of them, too. That’s what brings me to this state. I should still be at home, finishing high school, looking forward to college, not having a care in the world, but here I am, alone because my family decided that, since I’m adopted, they didn’t have to take care of me when I began to get depressed at 16.
It’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I care too fucking much. I have an untreated thyroid condition that allows me to sleep 15+ hours a day; I love the nonexistence of unconsciousness. I wish it were permanent.