Dehumanization

In early January I decided it was about time I get myself into post-secondary but I had to start with upgrading. This was discussed with my employer and I registered for school but due to a miss-communication I was left without a sustainable amount of hours. In light of the events and having $5000 cash on hand I decided I would move out of my town and into the city so I could be closer to school and have better opportunities for work.

My first month in the city an uninsured driver cut me off and totaled my car, leaving me without transportation in -40*C, I was without a vehicle for three weeks and it was $100’s just to pay for the fees of my car towing and impound lot. Now I have a car again and have been desperately looking for work. Nobody seems interested in hiring me despite me having years of loyalty to companies and references simply because I have education obligations twice a week.

I’ve run out of money, racked up debt and can hardly even afford the funds need to look for a job properly. What is the point of even trying to improve your life when you can’t even afford to put food in your mouth? How am I suppose to be stable for more semesters of school if employers hate it? How am I suppose to be able to live stable when I have to live off debt that inevitably has to be paid off?

I’ve been looking everywhere for work, I don’t even care where I work anymore I just need funds to live.

At least I’ve been getting in the 80’s and 90’s in school, but how long can I even stay in school when I can’t live without a job? I’m completely demoralized at this point. It has only been two months and that is quick to feel hopeless but I can’t help but feel this is only going to be the start.

I don’t want to live anymore.