The way i see (which means i can/will be very wrong), the church is made up of good people that help the poor, child molesters that secretely molest kids during confession, jerks that run a huge charity fraud, and assholes that are very hypocritical about everything yelling and hating on anyone they deam “unholy”.
They forced me to bgo.I don’t believe in someone you CANT hear see tast feel or touch.they are saying I need to believe in him. So I feel better.so he can help me.well why do tgat when gays and bis aren’t accepted?I mean what the fuck!
I can only somewhat relate though, my dad drags me to the temple (hindu) once a month and i often get out of it by saying i’ll go next week or i have a shit load of work, something like that. When i’m there i don’t understand what the fuck everyone is saying. Hell load of god knows how many languages. Common, doesn’t anyone in the temple no english, or maybe spanish…
Ah crap i gotta get off i’m almost out of time. I gotta get off, i need to quickly take a shower then finish this english report. My mom will kill me if i stay up late again. Sorry, i’ll get back on if i have any time leftover.
So it was about church. Yeah… if God was there he isn’t really fair to people. I’m sorry you were forced to go to church when you don’t believe in God. Can’t you ask not to go anymore?
I’ve heard of people believing in God but not going to church.
If you’re talking about the bi/gay thing… yeah… I know the other part. If not, then I’m not sure what you mean.
It is indeed hypocritical of them to do so, looking at bi/gays differently. From what I’ve seen and read, churches and religion in general fear change. Those people who go to church and are deeply devoted fear change, so they scrutinize and criticize those who are different and push them aside as though they are worthless and useless.
Can’t you do anything about them forcing you to go? Like tell them you don’t want to go and if you’re forced you won’t do homework or anything? or just lock your room or pretend to sleep or be sick?
It a way, I can understate the want to feel like there’s an all powerful being who’ll give me hope. But I’m too skeptical to believe in that fairytale nonsense.
No…if they leave me home alone or if I lock ny door they think ill cut.which I will.
Tgey don’t trust me.
and its also vabout christal…the one girl….I love
If you want to cut, try snapping a rubber band around your wrist. It won’t do as much damage but is satisfying enough for people and won’t leave a mark.
I think you should stop cutting yourself if you’re still doing that… it’s not a good idea to do so… even if it might make you feel better while doing so.
I’ve thought of cutting myself before lots of times, but I never have. It can be addicting. Sorta like… nail biting in a way, but instead, it helps relaxes you. If I’m wrong, just tell me so… but I don’t think it’s a good idea, because unless you’re trying to kill yourself by doing so, you can just end up making yourself worse off… leaving scars there or risk infecting the wound and everything.
With cutting, you really have to think of whether you want those scars later in life and have to explain, or do you not want scars? Is cutting worth the trouble it’ll cause later on?
nikki… we do care waht you do…i care very much what you do, and i worry about you harming yourself or aboutyou doing suicide… some people are set on dying tho, and those people, no matter how hard we try, won’t listen to us…you can’t ever blame yourself for anyone dying…it’s never your fault…your one of the reaons i’m still here, so youmust be doing a good job..
): neither can i…i’ll feel the loss too…i want to save people too…but in the end, dying might be better for them…it’s peace at last…i don’t want them to go, but we’ll see them in the next life…
angel ash, if i can’t stop you from suiciding then know this, i hope you find peace and if there is any place like heaven, i hope you go there…
@nikki123: We care about you. That’s why we all log on everyday to see you and talk to you. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
@Maelin: You can find comfort with the people here instead of cutting yourself… I’ll help you too if you want my help.. don’t go cutting yourself to find comfort when there’s others here willing to be your comfort..
You’re not a failure. And where are you looking? aren’t maelin and the others here talking to you and being there with you? even emailing and talking to you there too? You’re not alone anymore.
I’ve been alone too, idk if that’s a feeling you can get used to. It’s not something anyone can get used to..
@Maelin: You can give it up… it won’t be too easy, but everytime you start to feel like cutting, why not talk to others instead? And then just give up cutting for good? I’m sure you can stop it if you try.
This is a failure, durring band camp (no joke), i had to run a lap around the field for something can’t remember. I forgot to wear a belt so as i was walking my shorts started to fall right in front of the cheerleader squad. I manage to catch them in time but it was very close…
@nikki
just by the fact you are having troubles telling us about it we can tell you deeply regret the whole thing so we won’t judge you less cause i can guess you did everything you could.
I was 9-10.I was at gymnastics practicing…I aSed my coatch marck castillo about his kids.like how where thy.he said he didn’t see them much.cuz he’s divorced.he looked mad…upset..the next day.they were dead
@maeliin: you can start today… there are people who really care about you and worried you do that. I’m sure people here don’t want you to cut yourself anymore either..
@nikki123: tell people about it.. tell us about it.. it might help you relieve the tension..
But how could you have known what would happen to those kids? You didn’t know and I’m sure they would have passed on anyway even if you hadn’t asked, you’re not at fault.
People are going to die, we can’t save everyone. The important thing is you’re trying and succeeding with some people.
Are you sure you’re not the one who gets it? Nikki, we’re trying to help but we can’t if you won’t let us. You’re so stuck on blaming yourself over everything YOU won’t listen to US.
It’s a tragic thing they died but it is their father’s fault not yours. You can’t save everyone. Some people can’t be saved.
nikki your a kid things that you do have nothing to what your paerents or anyone else
and your paernts divorse or whatever has nothing to do with you they couldnt stant each other but they still love you every much dont let this think it your fault
when something bad happens in a young persons life they will find anyway to blame them selfs so that in someway it will make sense to them but whatever has happen know its not your fault.
p.s sorry typing in the dark sorry dfor all the typos and iam not that all smart 🙁
We shouldn’t have insulted someone you care so deeply for like that, I’m sorry.
I guess I have a hard time thinking good of anyone who harms their kids after what I’ve gone through. Hopefully he’s being treated for the disorder now though.
ok, sorry, i got lost under all the posts, slow reader i am…
Still you know him better so i have no right to judge him… either way you could not have known hell i probably would’ve accidentally egged him on by mistake and cause him to resort to a more violent method.
@maeliin
thanks you too *hug maeliin
@nikki
good night and i hope you have a good day at school *hug nikki
@life
good to see you again have a good night
@ning
great to see you
I’m really behind on my report i gotta focus on that so i gotta get off, should’ve focused on that… see ya guys later.
177 comments
idk who “you” is… but talk about it then? maybe it’ll help you. I’ll see what I can do to help you too if you want the help.
You is everyone…sorry..
And its about this stupid church shit
Wanna talk about it?
The way i see (which means i can/will be very wrong), the church is made up of good people that help the poor, child molesters that secretely molest kids during confession, jerks that run a huge charity fraud, and assholes that are very hypocritical about everything yelling and hating on anyone they deam “unholy”.
They forced me to bgo.I don’t believe in someone you CANT hear see tast feel or touch.they are saying I need to believe in him. So I feel better.so he can help me.well why do tgat when gays and bis aren’t accepted?I mean what the fuck!
Churches these days…
People at tge church yelled at me.like what the hell!
I can only somewhat relate though, my dad drags me to the temple (hindu) once a month and i often get out of it by saying i’ll go next week or i have a shit load of work, something like that. When i’m there i don’t understand what the fuck everyone is saying. Hell load of god knows how many languages. Common, doesn’t anyone in the temple no english, or maybe spanish…
But god isn’t real.people have no common since.(no offence to maeliin)
@nikki none taken my belief in god died as of today.
Good…but why
because i dreamed my friend was taking me 2 heaven. and i was rejected. god would have welcomed me, not pushed me way, right?
He will bpush all gays and bis away…he’s not even real
Either he isn’t real or he has a cruel image of justice, either way i still loss my religion months ago.
He can’t be real.no one can cone back to vlife or id have my daddy
Ah crap i gotta get off i’m almost out of time. I gotta get off, i need to quickly take a shower then finish this english report. My mom will kill me if i stay up late again. Sorry, i’ll get back on if i have any time leftover.
If god is real then he must be one sadistic bastard.
amen ningyou
Bye smilingggg
And I agree ningyou>:)
Oh ningyou…..NO!
Ewwww amen ehhhh that’s an icky woooorrrrdddddd
Usually I get yelled at when I say that. XD Nice to know you two agree with me. (:
No what?
So it was about church. Yeah… if God was there he isn’t really fair to people. I’m sorry you were forced to go to church when you don’t believe in God. Can’t you ask not to go anymore?
I’ve heard of people believing in God but not going to church.
No dying….duhhhhhh
Why would you get yelked at
They will force me.and it wasn’t just about chruch….I think you know the other part deep abyss
Because there are certain people who won’t tolerate insults to their god and I tend to anger these people with what I say about god.
Same.its so dumb though
True, it is pretty dumb but some people are just so desperate for hope that they’ll believe in such things.
Such a in someone you can’t see gear smell touch or feel.that’s stupid
hey how r u
sorry i just woke up and took a shower
If you’re talking about the bi/gay thing… yeah… I know the other part. If not, then I’m not sure what you mean.
It is indeed hypocritical of them to do so, looking at bi/gays differently. From what I’ve seen and read, churches and religion in general fear change. Those people who go to church and are deeply devoted fear change, so they scrutinize and criticize those who are different and push them aside as though they are worthless and useless.
Can’t you do anything about them forcing you to go? Like tell them you don’t want to go and if you’re forced you won’t do homework or anything? or just lock your room or pretend to sleep or be sick?
It a way, I can understate the want to feel like there’s an all powerful being who’ll give me hope. But I’m too skeptical to believe in that fairytale nonsense.
No…if they leave me home alone or if I lock ny door they think ill cut.which I will.
Tgey don’t trust me.
and its also vabout christal…the one girl….I love
Yea….
and I’m fine life….I guess..
ok well just know i am hear if you wanna talk
If you want to cut, try snapping a rubber band around your wrist. It won’t do as much damage but is satisfying enough for people and won’t leave a mark.
Uh tried.it was dumb
Email me life
You could try meditation. I know it sounds dumb but it’s pretty helpful.
uhhhhh?? Huh????
Lifeeeeee
Nevermind, I don’t feel like explaining that. XD
Ummmm okayyy:/
I think you should stop cutting yourself if you’re still doing that… it’s not a good idea to do so… even if it might make you feel better while doing so.
Why should I stop.don’t you.
nikki123, can you e-mail me? ashes2ashes2dust [at] gmail {dot} com
I’ve thought of cutting myself before lots of times, but I never have. It can be addicting. Sorta like… nail biting in a way, but instead, it helps relaxes you. If I’m wrong, just tell me so… but I don’t think it’s a good idea, because unless you’re trying to kill yourself by doing so, you can just end up making yourself worse off… leaving scars there or risk infecting the wound and everything.
I did:/
Its already addicting.I stopped not to long ago.by force
With cutting, you really have to think of whether you want those scars later in life and have to explain, or do you not want scars? Is cutting worth the trouble it’ll cause later on?
I emailed you angel ash…
No.but..I don’t know..
(randomly cutting into convo) ijs cutting for me is worth it… then again i dn’t care about scars…
I do.but don’t.maeliin.email me?please?
Or don’t email me back angel ash? Umm I guess?
u need me 2 email u?
Yes maeliin..
Thanks. Sorry was just taking my time lol
Yeah, I can see not caring about the scars. It’s all up to the individual to stop. In order to stop you first need to want to stop.
i’ll never stop cutting.
@nikki.. k i’ll email
All i want is this crap to stop
we all do
Eventually it’ll have to stop. One can hope at least.
@Maelin: I hope you stop too. It doesn’t really help if you think about it…
@nikki123: I hope you keep from doing so. idk who forced you to stop… but I think you should quit on your own too…
Help me.help.I can’t do this alone
Now.I want my blade.to slit my throwght.I’m sorry.I can’t save anyone
@deep abyss… i’m not stoping any time soon. and i cut because it’s a comfort…
hun really dont try to save anyone
your just a kid its not your job ok
Nikki, you’re not alone at all. You’ve got all of us here to help.
No I don’t.you’ll all comitt suicide.it will be my fault.its my job to protect and save my friends!
No, your job is to support your friends. Not save them. Big but very subtle difference!
nikki your doing your best to save us…that’s all that matters…we know you care…
If you knew you woukdnt leave!!!
See no one care what the fuck I do
It’s not your fault if someone here decides to go, you can’t stop everyone. You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters.
If someone does decide to leave, be happy that the found peace xx
nikki… we do care waht you do…i care very much what you do, and i worry about you harming yourself or aboutyou doing suicide… some people are set on dying tho, and those people, no matter how hard we try, won’t listen to us…you can’t ever blame yourself for anyone dying…it’s never your fault…your one of the reaons i’m still here, so youmust be doing a good job..
I can’t save her!
): neither can i…i’ll feel the loss too…i want to save people too…but in the end, dying might be better for them…it’s peace at last…i don’t want them to go, but we’ll see them in the next life…
angel ash, if i can’t stop you from suiciding then know this, i hope you find peace and if there is any place like heaven, i hope you go there…
Maybe some people are better off dead.
@nikki123: We care about you. That’s why we all log on everyday to see you and talk to you. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
@Maelin: You can find comfort with the people here instead of cutting yourself… I’ll help you too if you want my help.. don’t go cutting yourself to find comfort when there’s others here willing to be your comfort..
But I always am.I’m used to that.loneliness.sadness.FAILUER!!
You’re not a failure. And where are you looking? aren’t maelin and the others here talking to you and being there with you? even emailing and talking to you there too? You’re not alone anymore.
I’ve been alone too, idk if that’s a feeling you can get used to. It’s not something anyone can get used to..
@deep abyss… thanks for the offer…you guys are a comfort too, but i’m not ready yet to give up my comfort of cutting…
@nikki… deep abyss is right, we care for you, and your not alone…
You’re not a failure at all.
You all never listen.you plan your deaths when me and others want you here!
I am a failure
@Maelin: You can give it up… it won’t be too easy, but everytime you start to feel like cutting, why not talk to others instead? And then just give up cutting for good? I’m sure you can stop it if you try.
This is a failure, durring band camp (no joke), i had to run a lap around the field for something can’t remember. I forgot to wear a belt so as i was walking my shorts started to fall right in front of the cheerleader squad. I manage to catch them in time but it was very close…
nikki your not a failer
Also someone i asked out but got rejected last year was on the pole-twirlers or whatever, double the embarassment.
@nikki… your not a failure at all…
@deep abyss… i’m not ready to give it up yet…
@smiling… XD nice
Atleast you didn’t kill anyone.
I’m not talking. Angel ash..
These thre little kids…died on my wtch.inever told you guys.
I am!
@nikki… tell us now then, if you need to tell us then please do…and i’m sure it was not your fault…
It is.a six year old four year old and two year old.died cuz of mybig mouth!
Don’t hold it in, tell us. You know we won’t think differently of you for it.
@maeliin
😀
@nikki
what happened? How did they die?
@nikki
just by the fact you are having troubles telling us about it we can tell you deeply regret the whole thing so we won’t judge you less cause i can guess you did everything you could.
I was 9-10.I was at gymnastics practicing…I aSed my coatch marck castillo about his kids.like how where thy.he said he didn’t see them much.cuz he’s divorced.he looked mad…upset..the next day.they were dead
@nikki… ): i’m still positive it’s not your fault, i’m sure you did everything you possibly could..
x.x oh. well nikki you can’t possibly blame yourself…
That’s not your fault at all Nikki. You were just concerned for them. Whoever hurt them is at fault, not you.
@maeliin: you can start today… there are people who really care about you and worried you do that. I’m sure people here don’t want you to cut yourself anymore either..
@nikki123: tell people about it.. tell us about it.. it might help you relieve the tension..
I didn’t do everything I could.I did nothing.I couldn’t do anything.since that day.its been my job t help people.save people.NOT LET ANYONE DIE!
Someone could’ve also asked or he was thinking about them and you just poped in and asked while he was thinking about them.
Their father kilked tgem.drownd them in a baltimore hotel bath tub on march 31,2007
But how could you have known what would happen to those kids? You didn’t know and I’m sure they would have passed on anyway even if you hadn’t asked, you’re not at fault.
People are going to die, we can’t save everyone. The important thing is you’re trying and succeeding with some people.
It wasn’t your fault, the divorce papers would’ve reminded him even if you didn’t.
NONE OF YOU GET IT! ITS MY FUCKING JOB TO SAVE PEOPLE!
But I did.its my fault!
nikki…listen to me…it’s not your fault… you can want to save people but you have to understand that can’t possibly have been your fault…
You’re not superman, you’re only human, no body can save everyone, but everyone can save someone.
No.I will save everyone I care careabout!
And it is my fault.
): nikki it ISN’T your fault… you can’t have known it’d happen…
and i agree w/ waht smiling said…
Are you sure you’re not the one who gets it? Nikki, we’re trying to help but we can’t if you won’t let us. You’re so stuck on blaming yourself over everything YOU won’t listen to US.
It’s a tragic thing they died but it is their father’s fault not yours. You can’t save everyone. Some people can’t be saved.
I’m blamed for eveything else.why notthis.
You should consider a career in medicine, you could save a lot of lives there and meet a lot of people.
perfectly said ningyou!
Who would would blame you for the sick bastard murdering his kids?
But I have to try…..I…have to.
@nikki… you can try, but don’t blame yourself if anyone diesnikki…it isn’t your fault if you did everything you could…
@smiling… i made a new emailwhich u can email all u want i’ll tell u if u wanna know
SHUT UP!HE’S NOT A BASTARD!SHUT UP
>:'( Hes n…..not….a. bastard
We’re not saying you shouldn’t try, it’s good you’re trying to help people. Just don’t take it so personally when someone does die, you know?
The gym coach…
Okay.maeliin….guys……I’m…..I’m sorry…….
He killed his own kids. That’s a sick and unforgivable act. I’m sorry, but he’s a heartless bastard for what he did.
Ill try ningyou.
And smiling.yes! He’s not a god damn bastard!
SHUT UP! HE’S BIPOLAR! HE LOVED HIS KIDS! YOU DON’T KNOW HIM!
Awww… crap is he not the person that killed the kids…
That’s good. Once you can understand it’s not possible to save everyone, you can begin to try and save yourself. (:
YES!
I can’t be saved..
You’re right i don’t know him or what your going through other than what you’re telling us.
@maeliin
what’s your new email?
He’s
not
A
bastard.
That’s for you to decide. Are you sure you can’t be helped?
nikki your a kid things that you do have nothing to what your paerents or anyone else
and your paernts divorse or whatever has nothing to do with you they couldnt stant each other but they still love you every much dont let this think it your fault
when something bad happens in a young persons life they will find anyway to blame them selfs so that in someway it will make sense to them but whatever has happen know its not your fault.
p.s sorry typing in the dark sorry dfor all the typos and iam not that all smart 🙁
@nikki… you can be saved…
@smiling… maeliin16@gmail.com
Who?
The gym coach didn’t then or…
I’m retarted…:(
My parentS didn’t divorce..
@smiling… no your not
My coach killed his kids.he’s bipolar
oh and you’re saying he’s not a bastard right…
._.
Yes!HE’S NOT
sorry i havent read it all
still whatever happen none of it as your fault
Iguess….
We shouldn’t have insulted someone you care so deeply for like that, I’m sorry.
I guess I have a hard time thinking good of anyone who harms their kids after what I’ve gone through. Hopefully he’s being treated for the disorder now though.
@nikki… please don’t get mad at us for trying to understand…
I’m not.I’m upset.angel ash……she………I can’t….
*crying*
ok, sorry, i got lost under all the posts, slow reader i am…
Still you know him better so i have no right to judge him… either way you could not have known hell i probably would’ve accidentally egged him on by mistake and cause him to resort to a more violent method.
I’m going crazy.I smell….mint….
): *hugs nikki tight* it’s not your fault nikki… some we can’t saveno matter how much we try… don’t blame yourself…
O.o and that was completely random. mint is good i guess tho
What about Angel Ash?
I…..I bknow…I’ve just valways blamed myself for it cuz others blame me for everything.
is someone behind you…
Shee dying thiss week ningyou….she won’t listen:(
What smiling
You gotta remember they can blame you for all their problems but none of it would be true.
Nothing i remembered once someone snuck up behind me and i saw them cause they were chewing mint gum and i could smell it.
i get blame for everyrhing so i know how you feel but one day eveyone will see they were wrong like my family will ‘
just hang in there girly
Well, that’s a bit saddenning but maybe she’s better off that way.
While i was on a computer in the library on a game site…
Ill vtry……
Nice one smiling
….maybe….but maybe not
🙂
At least its at maybe so its a small step…
Yeah, but if that’s what her mind is set on and she isn’t open to help, guess there’s not much to do for her.
imma go 2 bed, g’night guys love u all…
@nikki… *hug* i really hope you cheerup a bit…and sweet dreams
@smiling… *hug* sweet dreams 😀
@ningyou… 🙂 sweet dreams!
@life… sweet dreams ^^
@Maeliin
Goodnight.
Love you too…mua
@maeliin
thanks you too *hug maeliin
@nikki
good night and i hope you have a good day at school *hug nikki
@life
good to see you again have a good night
@ning
great to see you
I’m really behind on my report i gotta focus on that so i gotta get off, should’ve focused on that… see ya guys later.
night sleep well
@Smiling
Goodnight, good luck on your report. (:
I’m sorry I was so mean and yelly.I just…hate sitting back and watch people die.
we understand
hey its late you really need your sleep so go to bed now ok
sleep tight
hugs