Gone and not to be forgotten

I can’t get this out of my head. Three weeks now and 6 months before that. When will you stop haunting me? When will this pain subside, this dependency to hear that voice that in the past so tenderly whispered my name through the deep nights? Too often i look at your photo and shriek into the pillow and wish that i had the courage like mom to slit my throat. I gave up that pain that released my feelings of frustration and feebleness for you. Now you say it doesn’t matter. What i feel doesn’t matter. All i want to feel is you, but where are you? We saved each other… each other from the quick and tight grasp that only the hand of death can take credit for. I shooed the nightmares of the past away for you, so as to not scare you with my endless screaming. The screaming that held all the pain and fear that i have from the past. The past that ensured the development of this reckless and shakable creature. Once tamed, i was no longer the beast you “wanted”, though this “beast” is the only creature in creation to appreciate such an individual as yourself. Why couldn’t this have ended sooner, before i had the need of your voice or the craving of your love. All i want is an end to this pain that you left for me to inherit from your ruthless words.