my name is dave and i contemplate suicide everyday. im a heavy drug user at the age of 17. im smart, going to college soon, and a very handsome guy as ive been told. i have manic depressive disorder and i take prozac. i usually start off good in the morning then slowly throughout the day i hate myself more and more until i get high. ive overdosed several times off multiple substances and have not scared myself at all. i fear nothing. death is nothing. death is freedom from this shit. yet i still have another funny feeling that i enjoy the pain that life and people bring to me. im psychotic. i love being cheated on, i cant hold a relationship, i fuck over everyone who trusts me and i love it. i love the feeling of getting away with it, of putting people in the same kind of pain and emptyness i feel. contentness is nothing i live by. chaos sounds most appetizing.