The other day, my mother laughed at me when I told her that she wasÂ harassing me. I told her it was not funny, then she became defensive and looked as if she were going to hit me, shouting and turning red. Curse wordsÂ were thrown here and there. She knows I’m not good at strong confrontation, so I broke down. I couldn’t explain to her how miserable Â my existence feels, but I did let her know that I was seriously depressed. When she finally left my bedroom, I just sat on the edge of my bed and eyed the extension cord to my laptop because I was having the raging suicidal thoughts again. After I finally told my mother the depression came back again, and she eased off me, but she doesn’t know that I have these suicidal urges. Since the incident with my mom, I’ve been taking a tablet of Lexapro a morning. The only symptom that I have is extreme hunger and that doesn’t really help considering I’m already god-awfully overweight despite my efforts to lose it all.
Anyway, my reason for this post is to just say that I’m actually trying to be optimistic about moving forward. I don’t know if it’s working yet; I guess I’ll see.