Hope is my word. It is something that i HOPE will continue to remain with me or i am not sure of what the consequences. Â Two and a half years ago, i was put in a mental health hospital to get back on medication. Â It was during my stay at that hospital that one of my worst nightmares occurred. Â I was assaulted sexually by another patient. Â There are a lot of details that i won’t get into but long story short, the prosecutor let this man out of jail. Â She advised me that as this assault occurred in a mental health facility that 80% of the “average population” wouldn’t believe me. Â i feel very devalued as a person, as there was evidence that it occurred and also in the police documents the nurse at the hospital stated that all the medications i received at 1:00 pm would have similar effects of the date rape drug, GHB, and that it was enough to knock out an elephant. Â I began therapy and all these things that i had been shoving down for so many years began to surface. Â it was scary and still is as i am still remembering things that have happened during my life that i let my mind forget. Â i isolate. Â i have no friends. sometimes i don’t leave the house for days or talk to another person, in person, for days. Â as the saying goes, “alone is where i’ll be if you need me” Â i’ve let this man take over what used to be my life and i dont know how to get it back. Â and this makes me so angry. every morning i wake and almost immediatly the darkness begins. i dont know how many more days of this i can take. but i do continue to have hope and hopefully tomorrow when i wake, my hope will be there
3 comments
I’m sorry to hear your sad experience. But I applaud you for remaining hopeful. Your strong to maintain such strength through such trauma. The key to gaining your life back resides in baby steps. Slowly but surely you have to gain your old life’s ground back. Try making an effort to go out and enjoy some positive social climates. I would suggest calling a hotline to boost your morale but I am wary about their success. If you need anyone to talk to I can try though. I have also seen my fair share of trauma so I feel your pain.
Thank you for your comment. I have isolated myself for so long that i no longer have friends or a support system to talk to or do things with. so that is something i need to work on. i do still have hope but must say there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t think about suicide and have tried several times but today hoping it just remains a thought and i don’t act on it.
thanks again
Do you believe in karma?..know that this person will get his own karma for doing this. trust that in your heart.
And in the mean time, I really do acknowledge & admire your strength,..I know it’s not easy at all to go through this..
but nevertheless, you need to keep living, if you still want to be in part of Life.
you need to tell yourself, as much as it’s probably gonna be hard at beginning, that “I myself am in control of my own life, and I won’t let ANYBODY control MY life, whatsoever!”.
Strength. resilience. and also to start gain your ground back, one by one, slowly but sure,..work towards your goals/dreams, and keep connecting with others who do truly love you,..and slowly also you’ll start to gain more confidence.
Always remember that there are always going to be MORE people who will love you, rather than hurting you (like that crazy man).
This world, though full of sufferings, is not all in *darkness*. There is *Light* and goodness also, if you’re Open more and seek deeper in it.
My prayer goes to you, dear.
and understand this one thing: if you can pull this through, I am positive and assured that you’ll grow into such an AMAZING woman, who can be such a HUGE source of inspiration, encouragement, guidance, and channel of blessing for many others (especially for those who’ve experienced what you’ve experienced). Through Love, it’s all possible.