I was sexually abused at a young age for a period of time. I’m now 18 years old and through out my childhood/teenage years I found it hard to trust people, I am also depressed for as long as I can remember. I met my boyfriend at the age of about 12 and after 3 years I trusted him enough to start a relationship. This relationship last 2 years, I was in some parts of my life content because of my relationship. In August 2009 I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping  with another girl for 2-3 months starting in April. I was devasted. I forgave him. Stupid as it was and gave him another chance to find out he had started cheating on me in November again with a different girl. I found out through facebook. Whatever bit of happiness I had myself and whatever bit of trust I had in anyone is now completely gone. My Ex was my best friend as well as my boyfriend and knew about my problems. He was the only person I could talk to. I don’t even have that much anymore. I sunk into a dark depression and began cutting again. As far I as I was concerned I had no hope. I attempted sucide and failed. I planned to try again.
In Janurary 2010 my friends father killed himself. His 16 year old son found him hanging in his garage. 2 weeks later a boy I grew up with all my life also comitted sucide. I have been here to witness the devastation left behind. I have seen the familys of these men struggle to cope day after day.
Although I am in agony, mentally I do believe there is hope because I have to believe. I could not leave my family in the state I have seen these other familys. I think everyone on this site needs to believe a liitle bit and maybe consider the people they will be leaving behind. I have been through a lot from a young age and I hope things will get better.
5 comments
I wish that it getting better for you
Seek counseling and there is endless amounts of information for you to learn from. Only weak people abuse others. You have a unique challenge to gain awareness from the trial you endured….yes it sucks…I can’t imagine, and empathize. When you are able, continue to move to a place of action and not see yourself as a victim…doing that will help you cultivate an empowered outlook on your situation and you’ll gain the insight you need to go forward.
Cheers!
thank you all for your responses. I’ve been in counseling since the incident occurred. i keep remembering things that happened when i was much younger and working on those as well. i was also raped when i was twelve by a stranger. at that time, i began cutting, but stopped shortly after and they were only small cuts. after the last incident i started cutting again. only this time every time i do it, i need stitches and have even had to have 31 staples in my leg. it has been several weeks since i have cut and they are healing. i like to occassionally look at the fact that they are healing, so i must be as well. i have endured physical, emotional and sexual abuse from the time i was twelve until 3 years ago. i am really putting forth an effort to not live in the victim mode as i do not want him to have control over my life. but i have gone to extremes and now i have no one in my life, except my therapist and psyciatrist. i went from a totally functioning, working person to someone who is, most days afraid to leave the house. it sounds so stupid and in my mind i know that, but cant help the paranoid thoughts that take over when i am around other people. today was not a good day, but you guys messages have made me feel better so i thank you
no problem when i could i would help you for shure
ps my englisch is pretty bad
Thank you for your comments.
denisepeace; I feel your pain. I see where your coming from. It will get better. It has to!