Most people who know me would say I’m a pretty forgiving person. But there’s just one person I will never forgive. The asshole who raped me. He was 16. I was 12. We had been best friends for 8 years. He told me he loved me. He said he cared about me. He said I was the most beautiful girl. And because I was so ignorant, I believed him. He took me into his house, made me get drunk. And then he threw me into his closet. He ripped off my clothes and called me disgusting. He kicked me to the ground, to the point where I was gasping for air. I begged him to stop. He just called me a pathetic piece of shit. He raped me while I was crying and shaking. He threw me on the ground so he could kick and punch me. I don’t understand what I did to deserve that? I wasd a good little girl. I never did anything wrong. But because he raped me, my life has never been the same. I can’t hold steady reLationships with anyone. I get scared every time a guy hugs me or touches me in any way. I have nightmares about being raped again. I can’t trust anyone. And now I have to cut and burn myself to relieve all this pain. Everything is just too much…..I need it all to stop.
104 comments
What a stupid bastard!
He ruined my life. I hate him so much.
You did nothing wrong. You did not deserve this, you did not at all. This was all him. It was him alone. No one is like that, they won’t treat you like that. If they even try, you have the power, to say no, and walk away. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out. You alwyas have been, and always will be. You don’t need to fear guys though. However, you should be aware of getting drunk around them, that’s when they get horny and just want to have sex.
You need to learn to trust people again, you can trust people. This event will pass over in your life. The hardest thing you have to do, is the only thing you can do. Learn to forgive him. Everything he did, was wrong, Dead wrong. My honest opinion of him is: Fucking asshole, go die in a fire. Even though it’ll be the hardest thing to do, you need to forgive him. You will eventually. You just need to forgive him, once you do, your life will move on.
What a prick! Im sorry hun 🙁 Did you go to the police when it happened did you tell your parents or anyone?
I can’t help but blame myself for being so stupid and letting him take advantage of me like that. He was just being a guy, and I was his helpless victim.
And no, I did not tell the police or my parents. This happened 4 years ago, and I told my best friend laSt year. He was the first person and only person I’ve told.
No you said stop and that you didnt want to and he kept goin he’s an idiot not you. You probably should’ve gone to the police and not let him get away with it. Has he ever apologised? Do you still see him?
I was too afraid of him at the time. I thought that if I told on him, he would come after me. He used to be my neighbor, but shortly after he raped me, he got sent to juvy for a couple months for drugs. When he got out, his family moved. He dropped out of school, so thank god I won’t have to see him. Because he only moved about 20 minutes from my house. I have not talked to him at all since he’s raped me. His face still burns in my mind every day. I’m so afraid he’s gonna follow me home from school one day, and hurt me again.
If you were my daughter, I would find that guy and kill him, I swear. Rape is inexcusable and not your fault. That shithead should have his balls cut off. I hope you consider going to the police, there’s still time. I’m so sorry you are hurt so.
This was not your fault. 🙁 So many people go through what you have gone through – you’re not alone. There are support groups online and in communities for people who have suffered (and SURVIVED) what you have – maybe you could find some help there to get through.
As for forgiveness – well, it’s a hard thing for even the smallest crimes we do against each other, and for something like this it’s even harder. But keeping anger in your soul hurts you more than it hurts him. You don’t have to say that what he did was okay – it wasn’t – but it will help if you can let it go completely. I’m a Christian and we’re big on forgiveness – if you want help releasing those negative feelings and moving on with your life, or even just at first realizing the beautiful, loved person you are to God, I’d like to point you toward http://www.knowgodpersonally.org/ to see how you can have a relationship with God.
Whatever you believe or whatever you do, I encourage you to find someone you can trust to talk to about what you’re going through. We’re not meant to live this life alone. If you ever need a nonjudgmental ear, drop me a line. carin@uoguelph.ca or AIM “your semaphore”.
Carin
That’s what some of these weak people prey on dtk. People who abuse other people are so weak and empty for whatever reason and feel the need to satisfy themselves by taking advantage of other people.
They try to make you feel worthless and shameful…I’d tell for sure. Shed the light on that bs…cause you’re choosing to carry around the pain from something that happened when you were 12. What’s the point in that. Fear will always stop anyone from continuing on or pursuing their goal whatever it is.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one will, and who hasn’t made mistakes. That’s part of life…best to make choices that will help you remedy the pain and disgust you are still feeling about this.
That of course was a life defining moment for you-fight, for yourself. You are strong, he is weak. You have everything to gain when you adopt the belief that you have nothing to fear. Cheers
I can’t shake these memories from my head. Every single day of my life, I feel like I’m reliving the emotional pain of being raped. And I feel like no one even cares. No one would believe me if I told the truth. I can’t trust anyone. Because everyone is selfish, and don’t have the capacity to care for someone like me. I’m too broken to be cared for. No one held me when I was shaking after being raped. No one looked at my black eyes with sadness. People are too into their own lives to care about some pathetic rape victim like me. That’s all I’ll ever be. A fucking rape victim.
No you have to stop seeing yourself as a bad worthless person!! A girl of 12 who gets raped isn’t a bad person, never! If a friend of you would get raped, would you still think that that girl is bad and worthless? I don’t think so, because you would understand that it is not her fault. So plz don’t talk like that cause when people from internet care about this and write you back about this, imagine how people around you would care about you when they’d hear this and they will understand you and i’m sure that they’ll get furious about that asshole. You were just a child when this happened, you are so innocent, can’t you see it? He used your innocence, sweetness and everything and he will pay for it, be sure of that, karma comes back and God will teach punish him. You didn’t know how to protect yourself and you did not know what kind of monster he was. But hey, don’t let him take over your live. Try to be succesfull in live and have a goal for your future, try to make something beautiful of your live (go studying to get a great job which you like and be independent of anyone!), i’m sure that you are pretty, intelligent and a very nice person inside, don’t let him take away that! And believe me, not all boys/men are like that. Yes, of course there are a bunch of assholes who use girls just to satisfy themselves and that is unbelievably selfish and evil of them. But do not let them control your live. Try to talk about this with us or a best friend and please understand and see that you were so innocent in this. Forgive him so that he won’t have the power to be in your mind and in your live again! Take the power back in your live and be succesfull, I’m 10000% sure that one day you’ll meet a guy who is absolutely not like this fucking jerk, and who you can trust.
(However i advice you to be carefull with any man, it doesn’t mean that you can’t trust them but with ‘carefull’ I mean, if they want to go further in another level,like touching and stuff, you know what I mean right, do not let them have what they want for a long perod of time untill you know them very well, don’t give yourself to anybody so soon unless you know for 100% sure that they love you so much that they’ll do anything for you, just don’t give yourself to anybody so quickly because you are so much worth and you’re beautifull from in and outside, so only the best guy in the world deserves you!!!!)
If you believe that, then yes, that is a self proclaimed statement. You’re not too broken to be cared for…you care for you, you’re the one who needs to look into your own dark saddened eyes and care for yourself.
You’re expecting other people to but no one will if you don’t do it for yourself. Everyone needs to look after themselves, you need to look after you.
You were never taught to look after you…which isn’t your fault, but that’s where it begins…your healing, your empowering yourself begins with you…
You can say you’re pathetic and a rape victim as much as you like ….you can also use the same energy to change your perspective or find someone to help you turn this around for you…..many, many women have done this. I encourage you to take your life back…and by not jumping in the driver’s seat, you’re allowing this guy to win…doesn’t need to be this way.
May sound like tough love and not hearing your cry….my reply is in response to that cry…Good luck…You have it within you.
it’s really true what softsoul said, listen to it..
I know that I need to forgive him, but I’m not sure how. I can’t forgive him for how he’s messed up my life. He ruined my entire life. I can’t just forgive him for that. I just need to know that someone honestly cares for me, and would be sad if something happened to me. If I have someone like that, then I might be able to stay alive and not commit suicide. But so far, all I get it pity, not people caring.
I read your story, and no, I don’t think they’re saying for you to forgive him. Don’t forgive someone like that. What they’re saying, I think, is that you shouldn’t forgive him and allow him to hurt you even now because of what he did. Hell, just reading about it makes me wanna beat him up.
Call the police on him. Tell them the story and get him arrested. Tell your parents about it so they can do something about it. If you keep it to yourself, no one can help or do anything, at all. Do so, before he thinks it’s ok to do it again, and tries to rape you a second time, since he lives so close to you. I don’t know how you know where he moved to and how you know it’s only 20 minutes away, but you should tell your parents or the police about it. If the police don’t believe you, request a lie detector test for testimony. They have it, if you request it.
I know how you feel about wanting someone to care about you. I honestly can relate so much. It’s like… if there was just one person, no one else and nothing else mattered. I can live and be happy with that person. I think… that’s what you feel… though I can be wrong. You may be raped once, but you’re not a slut who goes around having sex with every guy. You’re still a great girl, you just need to see that.
I can’t tell the police….I can’t. Having to tell my parents and the police will be just as bad as reliving the experience and pain. I don’t want to have to see him in a court. I don’t ever want to see his face again. I don’t go around where he lives. So I’m trying to avoid him. I only have 2 and a half more years until I can move out. So I really hope I can stay safe until then.
why do you want to move out from your parent’s place? what kind of people are your parents, are they caring? Can you talk to them about other things, if yes, then at least try to talk to your mom and tell her what happened then en that you’re still traumatized. don’t be afraid that she won’t believe you!you have to at least try it.
honestly, i don’t know if eling the police would help, even with a lie detector, cause i don’t know if they’ll see that as enough evidence, i don’t know how the american law system works. But if that’s enough evidence there, you should tell the police. i understand that you never want to see him again and u want to froget him but that asshole needs punishment. I get so angry reading what he’s done, i truly want to cut his balls and trow it at his head… HE deserves to die, not you!!!
With forgiving I mean: don’t let him control your life after so many years, don’t give him that power to make you sad and depressed. forgiving doesn’t mean that you’ll say it’s ok what he’s done and forget it, hell no, he needs the highest punishment that’s available cause if you to that to a girl, you’re not a human, you’re just a monster. Forgiving is for you, so that you’ll take away his power to control your life and make you feel like this , not for what he’s done to you.
and please don’t blame yourself for this, you have done nothing wrong, it’s not your fault that he;s such a selfish monster.
My father is an alcoholic and he beats me and my family. My mom has her own personal problems, so I don’t want to tell her mine. It’s too private.
I know he deserves puncishment, but I feel like it was kind of my fault. He was just being a guy. I made myself vulnerable and a victim.
HELL NO! IT DEFINITELY WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! how could you say of even think that? that bastard is a monster i’m telling you. ‘ just being a guy’ omg you don’t mean that do you? A normal guy would never take a girls life away like that. that’s not what normal guys do. you were vulnerable cause you were younger than him so he thought he could easily control you, and he’s a guy so he’s much stronger than you. that was so unfair of him to do, cause you had no chance to win from him at that moment. He’s a fking asshole who needs to feel the pain of the whole world together. don’t you EVER blame yourself for it, like’ oh i made myself vulnerable and victim’ . You did not make yourself vulnerable and a victim. You didn’t know what kind of monster he was so you trusted him. He took advantage of you, being such a sweet innocent beautiful girl who trusts him, and believe me he’ll pay for that. You didn’t know how to take care of yourself and you trusted him, that’s typicaly for 12year old girls, they don’t know how bad the world can be. But that’s not your fault!
About your mom, I understand that you’re trying not to be a ‘burden’ on your mom’s shoulders, but you’re not! Your mom is here to protect you, to talk to you.And if you really don’t want to talk to her, you must have at least 1 person around you who you can trust, like a female friend? maybe even family, like a cousin?you have to tell it to somebody so they’ll be there for you.
Keep your future in mind, if you finish school try to get to college, so that you can move out of your parents house so that your dad can’t hurt you anymore. build your own life, go to college to study someting you like to build a good life and move out of your parent’s house,so you’re solving 2 problems at the same time. I think going to college would be a great ‘excuse’ to move out of house and at the same time you’re building your future.think about it and plz dont ever say that it’s your fault cause that’s the biggest crap i’ve ever heard.
wow, this is so cruel, he deserves the wort things, first off it has nothing to do with you, he was a sick person so dont ever blame yourelf you did not do anything wrong at all, and now
feeling like this I guess you just need help from freind and professionals, imagine your mind like a white sheet, that bad thing that happened is the spot you dont want to look at, we just need to fix it. I know it is hard but belive me you can get through it with right help.
I know what you’re saying makes sense. But I still have a feeling in my heart that is really is my own fault. Maybe I led him on to believe I wanted to have sex? I don’t know. I shouldn’t have trusted him. Everyones always saying “it’s no one’s fault but your own”. Well that saying applies here. It’s my fault.
But it still pisses me off that his life is relatively good, when mine is shit. He is the reason I cut. He is the reason I can’t have a boyfriend. He is the reason I can’t trust anyone, and I get scared if anyone touches me. He is the reason I have nightmares. He is the reason I’m suicidal. He is the reason I look in the mirror and all I can’t see is a disgusting pathetic girl. I hate myself. And I hate him.
no you probably liked the monster at that time and yes you gave signals that you liked him (cause every girl does) but if you really wanted to have sex then you would have done it voluntary. However, this wasn’t voluntary so that’s why it’s called ‘rape’. Would you agree on talking with a good friend or cousin or a school-psychologist ? it will be so much easier for you afterwards.
I see that there are many things he is the reason of : hope that you can see that and say to yourself ‘ from now I’ll do anything to stop giving him that power to control over my life’ And when you look in the mirror, you have to see: a beautiful girl who’s so strong that she’s still standing there after what happened.
well why inflict pain on yourself rather than him?
I told my best friend last year. He was the first person I’ve ever told, and ever trusted. I felt a lot different when I talked to him, and I knew he was not like any other person. I immediately felt comfortable with him. After telling him, I felt a bit relieved. It helped knowing that someone knew the real me. He promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, and I trusted them. But a few months ago, he broke down and told his parents. That hurt me a lot…because he broke his promise. I mean, it was only his parents but stil. Now I’m afraid that his parents might tell the police. I don’t want to relive this experience. I can’t.
And I inflict pain on myself as a punishment for living. I hate that I’m too weak to commit suicide. I’m too afraid. I really want to, though. I also cut and burn because the physical pain overcomes the emotional pain. It helps me. It’s like a coping method. I also do it because it gives me a sense of control. For once in my life, I CAN control what happens to my body.
@dyingtoknow You did not answer my question, why inflict pain on YOU not HIM?
How am I suppose to enflict pain on him?
How far are you form this person ? I am mean geographically
there are many many way you can do so.
I live about 20 minutes away from him. But there is no way in hell I am going anywhere near him.
well, this is a public board so I cant really give you more detail, but I feel like you
are good and innocent person who was hurt in the most unhuman manner,
I would rather he was in Pain than you, and I think there are many ways
for it, but you rather him be in pain or not? is that something that would give you
comfort?
I don’t know. I’m only fifteen. So I can’t really go anywhere or get a gun or anything.
Like I’ve said before, I feel like it’s my fault. Letting him get hurt wouldn’t make me feel any better. Because what he did to me made a lasting impression on my life. Nothing can change that.
15… that is bad age for such horible thing, you know you let police know about it?
and It is not your fault, I am a man, I have never raped anyone! simple as that!
not raping a person is very easy, you just dont rape that person,
the person who did it is an animal. Where do you live? Country or rough region.
I was raped at 12. So that was about 3 and a half years ago.
I don’t know. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. Even my own father hurts me.
And I live in united states.
how is your father hurting you?
He beats me.
, what does your mom do about it?
Nothing. She pretends like it’s not happening. My dads an allcoholic.
Where abouts are you in states if I may I ask? and if you dont mind what ethnicity are you?
I just want to get a feel of the kind of environment you are in.
Southern us. And I am white.
Unfortunatly your situation fits the profile,
You have neglecting parents, it is their fault what happened to you,
the hostile environment of the home made you distracted from
the dangers around you, you are innocent and I can see it clear as
day why and how you got here,
what is you name dear?
My name is haylie.
Haylie , pretty name, how about realtives, granny? Uncle? church ? school teacher
any of them know about all this?
My best friend knows. But he and I aren’t as close as we use to be. It breaks my heart.
And my other friend knows, but I think she believes I’m lying about it.
‘ Because what he did to me made a lasting impression on my life. Nothing can change that.’ —> i’m an objective person in this case and I can tell you for 100% that it CAN change. you have to believe it, cause it’s true!
I feel so sorry for what happened, honestly if I lived in the US, I’d gather my toughest (male) friends and go and beat the crap out of this monster, and after that, bring him to the police.What he did is not human and so he doesn’t have to be treated as a human. I get sooo angry when I think about it. I was sexually assaulted by 4 guys when i was just walking down the street,at daylight, I got so mad that I didn’t even think about the fact that they were with 4 of them and I was a slim-shaped girl with almost no strenght in my arms, i just got so angry that i hit the guy who’d grabbed my ass with my fist and got into a fight with him, ended up in hospital with brain concussion. I can’t imagine how you must feel. But this is not your fault and no guy should ever rape a girl, not even touch her without her premission.
and i’m sorry that your mom doesnt defend you. Don’t worry, as soon as you’re old enough to (go to college and) move out, he can’t hurt you anymore, in the meantime try not to get confronted with your dad.
why have you not told older people? not that there is anything wrong with it though
just want to know.
I’m sorry about that :/
And I want to move on! But I just can’t. Everything is sticking with me.
I don’t want people to change their opinion on me. And I can’t trust anyone to not tell people. I don’t want everyone knowing. I can’t trust anyone.
bella United States is one of the worst countries for such matters, the level of public education is low and hence such disaster. But Haylie MUST KNOW it is not her fault 100% that is the first and foremost.
how about police dear?
i’d advice you not to push away your best friend and try to understand why he told his parents. he’s got definitely a good relationship with his parents and trusts them, that’s why he told them, And he did it cause he thought he could get help for you, he risked his friendship to try to help you…. don’t be mad at him. At least he believed you and thought it was so serious that he told his parents, just to get help for you. I understand that you didn’t want anyone to know about it and that he promised it, but if he’d been a good friend before that, and you truly trust him, forgive what he did, he just risked his friendship to get help for you.
I explained earlier why I don’t want to tel the police. I don’t want to tell my parents. I can’t look my rapist in the eyes. I don’t want to relive this experience.
And I’m trying to save my relationship with my best friend. I don’t want him out of my life.
TP: that’s so sad :S raping somebody should be punished as bad as killing somebody. the same here, in Holland rapists don’t get many years jail for that either, its such a shame, just unbelievable.
and Haylie, it’s brave enough that you’ve told your best friend and another friend about it. I suggest not to tell EVERYBODY of just people, but that you’ve told your best friends parents it’s a good step! Listen, if I were you, I’d continue talking with my best friend about it and also consider talking with his parents, IF i could trust them. Honestly, i don’t think that going to the police would help cause there’s no evidence to proof what that jerk has done. But talking to your best friend and his parents can help you feel better and help you to think about how to move out when you’re old enough, i’d really suggest you to go to college…that’s my best wish for every young girl!
it’s oke now, i talked a lot about that with my friends and teacher about that and it helped. I’m not angry and depressed anymore, I just learned an important lesson: next time i’m not going to use my fist, i’m gonna use my knee to let him sing a higher note, if you know what i mean.
u know wuts worse? im a guy n i got rapped by my own dad… i was i 6th grade young as hell… i forgave the fucker to but last year i ended up getting really high and punched him in his face several times, after that i went to treatment and i havnt seen him for a year, idk if im mad at him or myself
My parents found out about my best friend, and read my text messages with him. They didn’t like the fact that I was cursing and talking about sex and stuff. (Ha!) So they banned me from ever talking to him again. Of course, I found my way around that. But I can’t ever confront his parents.
bella, US is strangely narrow minded 🙁 hence her fears
Haylie the school admins and counselor is your friend you need to trust them with these.
but we are here now for you, and we can walk you throughj steps to recover some
normalxy if you may.
I can’t tell the school because I’m not gonna be known as the “girl who needs a conselor”. Plus, they will tell my parents.
they banned you from talking to him cause they don’t know what happened and they’re thinking that your friend is a dirty guy who wants to do something with you, sexually, that’s why they’re trying to protect you from that. If you can’t talk to your parents, try to talk to your friends parents and they’ll tell you what to do best. But maybe you can tell your parents that those text-messenges weren’t about you and your best friend, but what another guy told you… maybe you could lateron tell your mom what that other guy actually did. I know that you dont want to tell your parents, but if you change your mind, you can tell it like that to your mom at least. what kind of person is your mom, is she caring, is she worried about you a lot?
I can’t talk to my friend’s parents though. I have no way to talk to them.
And I wish I could talk to my friend again. I miss him.
My mom is a good person, but she just has too much to deal with. She probably wouldn’t believe me. I do not want to tell her.
do you have a school-psychologist or a school-doctor there? it’s their job not to tell anybody about that, if you ask them for it, cause they’ve signed an oath when they became a doctor, so it’s the law. If you really cannot tell your parents, even not your mom, do what TP sais: talk to a school-psychologist or school-doctor or talk to your best friends parents, cause at least they’re adults and can help you through. you need adult’s help… Also 1 thing, i don’t want to scare you but have you done a STI test after what that monster did? I think it’s important to do.and never be afraid, you’re not alone now, your friend can come with you or your friends parents, and your parents dont have to know anything about it.
call/mail your friend, and also change his name into a girls name in your cellphone so if your parent’s will ever read it they’ll think its from a female friend. And what kind of people are your friend’s parents? what did they say to you or your friend after hearing what happened? if they’re good people like your friend is, you should try totrust them..
No. We don’t have a school psychologist. We don’t even have a real guidance counselor.
And I can’t have any contact with him, or his parents. Obviously my parents would find out if I just left one day. I’m only 15
And no, I have never had an STI or STD test..
I’ve actually never met my friend’s parents…weirdly enough.
Haylie I understand you are in a bad place aNd I cant even relate but rest assured there are people just like us that really care about you, I am too far away to do anything personally but we care.
you really need to tell your mom that the text messenges weren’t about you and your best friend, or else she’ll never let you talk to him and she’ll think that he’s the guilty one. cause now you’re being isolated of your friend, that’s not good…change his name into a girls name in your phone, and when he writes a text message with his name below it, delete the message. at this way you can still have contact with him. worked for me years ago…
I just wish there was someone here that actually genuinely cared. And would cry if they saw me crying. And would look at me in the eyes and honestly love me.
well what state are you in dear?
and i’d reccomend to do the sti/std test , JUST in case, it’s a very easy and quick test, you don’t have to go alone, you just have to get in contact with your doctor or maybe there’s an organisation near you, where you can do the test? what dit your friend’s parents say after he told them that, did he talk to you about that?
And yes, TP is right, we do care. i’m a girl and i dont want things like that to happen to other girls.
i do care, TP does care, your best friend does care and i’m sure that his parents also cared and if your parents knew this, i think they’d go insane cause they care about it! Listen, I personally almost could have got raped when i was youger than you, but I got saved cause a friend came to ask if i wanted to come play outside. so I could be you now, if i wasn’t been saved. you just weren’t lucky, and i’m so sorry for that… so you have to be sure that i do care!!!
i don’t know if you understood what i just typed there (my english is bad,srry), but I was 10 at that time and this guy who was much older, couldnt keep his hands off me and I remember the feeling of shame, embarrasment and feeling that it was my fault. so i can relate to your feelings. thank God that friend of mine came , not knowing what was happening, and asked if i wanted to come to play outside. But you know what? I’m not 10 anymore, I’m 23 now and i absolutely dont have this feeling of embarrasment and guilt anymore cause now I understand what kind of sick person that was, and that I was wrong for feeling guilty and embarrased. If I’d meet him at street now, I’d curse him so much and so loudly that the whole world would hear that he was touching a 10-year old girl so that HE should feel guilty and embarrased, caus HE needs to be embarrasedand guilty. not me. And also not you.
Well done Bella you are awsome! where you from if I may?
i hope that you all are ok
TP i’m from Holland/the Netherlands.
@life sucks. we’re ok i guess, and if we’re not, we are definitely going to be ok!: ) and you??
Bellla I am in Luxembourg , so howdy neighbor!
I live in florida.
And I’m kind of afraid to get an STI test. Cause I know he wasn’t a virgin when he raped me…
I don’t know what his parents thought or said when he told them. I don’t even know if they believed him.
@TP: haha that’s funny, so i’ve got a neighbour huh!
Don’t be afraid, if you’ve got something it’s better to know as soon as possible, it’s better to know now. And that’s the reason that i want you to take the test, cause i don’t think the rapist was a virgin. really, don’t be afraid, the test itself is so easy, i didn’t do it myself but i’m a med-student and know how that goes. And if you’re afraid of the result, it’s just a check-up, you have to know if there’s something wrong or not, also for the future. If you’re uncomfortable to go alone, take your best friend with you, if you’d rather go alone then don’t be afraid, you can do it, it’s not a big test, but it’s a necessary one.
I am convinced that his parents believed him, cause what’s here not to believe, nobody makes up a story like that, so don’t assume that his parent’s didn’t believe it, it would be very stupid of them not to believe it.
I don’t know how I would go. I don’t have a car, and I can’t just leave one day. I guess I’ll just have to go once I graduate. But yeah, I am afraid of what the results would bring. What if I have AIDS or something? What if I have a life threatening infection? I’m scared.
you’re 15 now right, when are you gratuating?
Nooo listen, i didn’t mention it for you to be scared, I said it just to know it in time IF there was something wrong. Hmm first you have to find out where you can do the test, google online where you can do it, maybe there are organizations where you can do it of just the doctor? you can take public transport, and you can take your friend with you so that you won’t be alone. you have to plan it, i understand that you can’t be just gone for 1 day but it takes just a couple of hours max, including the transport time, so maybe you can plan to go there when you’ve got no lessons one morning or afternoon?
There’s not really a way for me to go. So I guess I’m just gonna wait till I graduate when I’m 18.
@Haylie I think you need to start by letting an older person that is close to you know about what happened, honestly, you need someone to hold your hand and let you know it was not your fault whatever that happened to you.I think you are a sweet and nice person and you owr to yourself to help yourself recover and get to a point where you can put bring that animal to justice
@Bella : Yes we are neighbours 😀 Where about are you in Netherlands? i would imagine dutch would handle such matter with more open mind right? and I agree with you about kicking such persons ass, but all in good time, everything needs proper planning 😀
@haylie: TP has a point here, you need to have an older person/adult to help you (that’s why i mentioned the parents of your friend), then you can arrange things like the testing, or else you have to wait 3 more years… Besides your friend’s parents (cause I think if your friends is a guy you can trust and he’s a good person, then his parents must be like that too, since they raised him), maybe you have a cousin or older sister , just anybody older than you, then they can also bring you to the STI test.
@TP: are you a student or working?how old are you? yes indeed… but i’d also like to see him in jail for the rest of his life, the problem is the evidence..:S
@bella : I work/study I am under 26 over 24 😀 how about you?
As I said, it is all in the planning 😀 but you have done good for yourself so far.
haha so 25 huh, what do you study then? i’m a med-student.
yes I have, and I want her to do good for herself too.
@ Haylie, don’t be afraid that your parents will find out, and you truly can go away a couple of hours, they won’t notice. if you’ve kept this secret so long, you can keep this one too, they won’t find about if you go to the test. I wish that an adult person could come with you so that you’d feel comfortable but if your best friend wants to come it’s also ok!!
I’m too afraid of being judged if I tell an adult. I feel like they wouldn’t believe me. I don’t want to tell anyone else. I might try to go get the STI test in a couple years, when it will be easier to sneak out. Idk if my friend would want to go with me though.
yes do it, but do it as soon as you can, you can do it on your own, you’re smart enough, just look on the internet where and when you can do it, and what you need to bring with you (maybe papers of someting??) .
If you choose carefully , nobody is going to judge you, cause IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! And honestly, they will believe you, you must be a really stupid morron not to believe this. so look around if you know adults who are caring and worried about you.of course your parents are but since you can’t tell them… so i hope that you’ve got a cousin,niece or older sister or your neighbour or i don’t know, someone who’s a really nice person and who you can trust..
I don’t really have any of that. I don’t really have an adult I can tell. I wish I did, though.
And what are your names? If I may ask.
that sucks… i’d just want you to do the test quickly, cause IF you have an infection (i’m not telling that the chances for that are high so don’t freak out when you read this !) , then you can do something about it in time. that’s why i want you to do it soon…
@Haylie : I dont think any adult will jusdge you we did not and I consider me an adult! :d
and I am nearly sure docotrs wont share anything with your mom and dad if you dont want them too, can you not go see a Counseller somewhere? or call the rape hotline ? You need he;p of an adult hon it is crucial , Unfortunatly I cant use my name here, due to the type of work I am invovled in hope you understand.
@Bella yes indeed , how old are you? I am in IT-Secularity business.I must say here is just so boring COMPARED to UK or may be Netherlands 😀
i’m An.
it’d be much easier for you if you knew an adult who you could trust , i can imagine not feeling comfortable to tell your parents.
I wish I had an adult. I’m just hoping I can make it until I graduate. Then I will go get tested for an STI. And I’ll try to find a psychiatrist or something.
i don’t agree on waiting with testing till you graduate, cause you’re not aware of the diseases spread around, and it’s not good to waith with that IF you may have that, cause i have to be honest, sometimes it can cause real damage. if you find a psychiatrist of counselling of a rape hotline , they can guide you and help you to find a way to get the test. I don’t want you to stress and have sleepless nights, cause that’s innecessary. but i do want you to really think about how to get the test as soon as possible, just for your own reassurement.
TP i’m 23 (look at my name :P)
@dyingtoknow
People who are raped or abused sexually commonly develop a personality disorder known as borderline personality disorder. Don’t worry you are not the only person who has felt like this. Please go to a psychiatrist as soon as you can and tell him what is bothering you that you keep seeing his face. You can get over this, this is a common disorder there are a lot of resources out there and a lot of treatments. I hate saying this because I feel like a hypocrite but please don’t give up.
I’ll try to get the test sometime soon, but I doubt I can successfully sneak out.
What is borderline personality disorder?
well this is just speculation obviously I don’t know if you have it but generally people who have it are withdrawn and afraid to get into relationships. The symptoms(copy&paste):
Fear of being abandoned
Feelings of emptiness and boredom
Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
Intolerance of being alone
Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing
Maybe I’m wrong but it is common for people who are victim to sexual abuse especially when they were young like you were to develop it. And just to be clear it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, do not let anyone make you think it is.
I think I have this borderline personality thing.
:/ I think I have it.
Well for both of you it would be great if you could see a psychiatrist and get diagnosed. As I’ve said there are treatments for it and although you don’t hear about it that much it is common, especially in women.
Here is a statistic that could give you hope:
After two years of treatment there is a 40% remission rate, meaning that 40% of people are completely cured within 2 years.
After 10 years the remission rate almost 90%
Definitely worth getting checked out.
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/abstract/163/5/827
theres the statistics for the remission rates
I can’t see somebody about it.
if you don’t mind me asking, why not? is it because of money? What country are you in? I don’t know about other countries but in Ireland there is free counseling services, you can get referred to them if you are hospitalized or if you go to your gp.
I can’t see anyone about it either.
I just can’t talk to somebody about the shit that happened to me. I’m already having therapy and I thought about telling her about this thing so many times. But I just can’t. Only 1 person knows about what happened to me.
@Please do. They have heard it before, they will not judge you. I know this is possibly the hardest thing you will ever have to tell anyone and I know you don’t want to bring back any of the memories but what do you have to lose? I’m going to assume you’re on this site because you are suicidal? You can get so much better if you do tell them.