I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been obsessed with death. I’ve been obsessed about everything related to death. I’m obsessed on how people die slowly with pain and all those stuff. It all started when I was in a fight with my parents. and now I realize how shitty my life is. I have friends who back-stabs me whenever I’m not around. I don’t smile at all. I only smile when I’m watching shows. but I never smile when people are around. I find the whole world “disgusting” . I want to commit suicide badly but I can’t. there is a part in me saying that it’s scary. I’m starting not to eat anything. I don’t know why.. but I wanted to suffer.. Right now I’m planning on killing myself on the day of my birthday. Killing myself would be a present for me.. But I’m scared of killing myself. I don’t fucking care about family anymore. I can say that they don’t care about me either. I’m also cutting myself.. I want to know if there is still a reason to live.. If there is, please just give me even one reason.. if none, then should I commit suicide?