I am 18, and I still wonder how I have survived this long!
Everything started falling apart at 16. I considered it, but then it got bearable again. And now it has gotten dark again.
My boyfriend decided he’d rather travel than try to make this work.
The only guy I have ever loved, has ditched me aswell. The only person Ihad confided in about everything, including my parents separation. My mother too has opted out, ran far away. Left with my sister and father, who emotionally abuses me and my sister as his way of venting that and the drinking.
I drink a bit, do drugs a lot and have started recently engaging in meaningless affairs. I feel nothing during or after these occurences, I do not care for these people. I constantly find myself in in dangerous situations that i go into willingly.
The world I live in has taught me to be ashamed, hate what I am. We are the lowest of the low right… so what is the use of carrying on
I think it will be tonight, tomorrow the only person who cared leaves
13 comments
I know that what I say might mean very little to you but I urge you to really think about it. Life does go on and there will be others in your life who will care about you and you will probably care for them too. I know things seem hopeless but if you don’t carry on you will never know what the future may hold, you could be missing out on so many amazing things.
like I said, I know the words of some faceless stranger on the internet probably mean very little but I’ll say them anyway.
Look at it a different way. You could get a job, move out, make a life separate from your abusive family. And if you stay alive, someone is going to love you, I guarantee. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it. There is hope for you.
Hi,
as if I were sitting next to you. I answer to what you wrote.
What I write now, even if they are good words, they cannot have the effect of transforming the way you feel now, it is not like washing ones hands, however, their content are true. This meaning is that you can suspend your negative thougths and trust that what we say is actually true, and that it will take its time for you to feel better.
Important for that is that you do take a little effort in staying away from things that harm you even if you have done it in a sort of self destruction. If you want to have a glass of wine that is alright, and a cigar ok, but you dont need more than that. The “little affairs” are also a way of self destruction, that you are using in an attempt of deleting memories from your boyfriend, while you are letting guys take advantage of you, which ultimately will make you feel worse.
So now, you start from scratch with a whole different agenda. You need to build your own road and dont be dependent on other people.
The use of carrying is that you are 18, and you cannot imagine the twists life can take. You will probably be a mother of 2 in a few years, with a husband and things like that.
So, dont do nothing tonight, just either watch tv or read a book or go for a stroll around without getting yourself into troubles.
Keep returning to this place and let us know how you do.
I may be on the Russian border, half a million miles from where you are, but you would struck me if I learned that you have hurt yourself.
O
Look I don’t who you are. I don’t know what else caused you to be like this. I don’t know what look like. I don’t know anything about other info above. But I care. Trust me don’t do this. Email me.
gumbeaux10kat@yahoo.com
hey, why did it started when you were 16? what happened then?
notinteresting1- the future sounds like such a hopeful thing the way you put it. For me it feels hopeless. More problems, more hate, more loss. I think back to when I considered suicide before, and between then and now I have lost my mother(she left), I thought i found love but he gave up, lost many friends, had to face so much prejudice from strangers and fore mentioned lost friends.
even- i have tried to lead my own life and each time they rope me back in. i am also naturally a shy person so i find it very hard to get out of my comfort zone(though not really comforting), i always end up alone.
oracle- its so hard to stay away from the destructive things, they make me feel “good” even if only for a short time. I know it is hard but how do you not depend on others? i feel like i have given my all to everyone. each ripping a piece of my heart out until there is nothing left. I know its probably wrong but i tried to explain myself to my ex boyfriend, but he does not understand. He just joked around, about it all. Suddenly I dont think he loved me either. can’t blame him.
TP_F_LUX- All this crap started happening to me and because I am different, none of my friends understood. So I started pulling away..
@notinteresting1- the future sounds like such a hopeful thing the way you put it. For me it feels hopeless. More problems, more hate, more loss. I think back to when I considered suicide before, and between then and now I have lost my mother(she left), I thought i found love but he gave up, lost many friends, had to face so much prejudice from strangers and fore mentioned lost friends.
@even- i have tried to lead my own life and each time they rope me back in. i am also naturally a shy person so i find it very hard to get out of my comfort zone(though not really comforting), i always end up alone.
@oracle- its so hard to stay away from the destructive things, they make me feel “good†even if only for a short time. I know it is hard but how do you not depend on others? i feel like i have given my all to everyone. each ripping a piece of my heart out until there is nothing left. I know its probably wrong but i tried to explain myself to my ex boyfriend, but he does not understand. He just joked around, about it all. Suddenly I dont think he loved me either. can’t blame him.
@TP_F_LUX- All this crap started happening to me and because I am different, none of my friends understood. So I started pulling away..
Can I hear ur story u seem like a very awesome person and I feel we might be able to learn a few thing from each other I love to talk and I can even listen 2 amazing right 🙂 if u got some time u can email me I’m almost ur age I’m only 20 and my name is Mikey
@MikeyM1190 I lied to myself today would be better, but I woke up and it is so much worse. You can hear my story, but I do not know if I will be here to tell it by the time you read this. You seem like a very lovely person though