i feel that i have ruined my mum life. she had me when she was young and i feel if i wasnt alive she would be much more happy have more going for her life.  she is alcoholic and drinks all the time comes home drunk most the time,  i know i dont make her drink and stuff but i just think  if she didn’t have me she wouldn’t do that or feel like that. and that just makes me feel sad and makes me feel like i deserve to feel like this, i should feel sad and angry miserable all the time. theres all this other stuff why i feel like this..  i have hurt myself alot of times by cutting myself i like the feeling i cant explain why i like hurting my self i just do.  i wish i just wasn’t here and everything would just end.  one day ill do it ill end everything.
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You’re right. It’s NOT your fault, no matter how much it might feel that way. Feelings are not the same thing as facts.
Please talk to someone – anyone – about what you’re feeling. You don’t have to kill yourself. I assure you that there are people out there who care – I do, and I don’t even know you. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Once you make the decision to kill yourself, you can’t un-make that decision – you can always make the decision to kill yourself LATER.
I was once in such bad shape that I wanted to kill myself, too. I want to share with you the reason why I decided to live. I don’t know what you believe, but I believe in a God who loves me and loves you, and came down to earth as Jesus Christ to die so that we could have a relationship with him. He hates to see you hurting and it makes him very sad that you feel this way. When I found that relationship with God, life started getting better – slowly but surely. More about that: http://www.knowgodpersonally.org/
But no matter what you believe, I really want you to find someone to talk to about this. You are not alone in how bad you are feeling – just look at this board – and I can guarantee there are people out there that care. People get through this.
If you need an ear with no judgment – I’m not going to force anything on you- e-mail me at carin@uoguelph.ca or AIM your semaphore.
-Carin
thank you and yes i just started to see a psychologist i hope this can work but i dont think it will i just cant deal with all thats going on anymore.
NO there are so many other ways to end your sadness and pain, never ever ever think that that is the solution, because that isn’t. you ending your live won’t help your mum from her alcoholism. You are her daughter (or son?) and you are a part of her and that’s why she loves you so much. so never think again that it’s your fault and you shouldn’t be alive, you know it is not true. The alcohol drinking part is because she has issues with herself, she has problems and doesn’t know how to deal with it, that’s why thinks that if she drink’s she won’t feel sadness and pain cause she’ll get numb of drinking. And of course that’s a way of escaping from reality. So she needs help because also she makes you sad with her behaviour and you think that it’s your fault and that is rediculous!! And your mum would be way more sad without you so she also needs you.. Do you ever talk with her? and do you ever talk about her drinking?what does she say about it. does she has a sister/brother/familymember who’s close to her, try to talk to that familymember so that they can help her.
And please don’t cut yourself, why are you ruening yourself like that, you should be proud of yourself that you’re such a dauhter who cares about her mum so much, cause not every daughter is like you. So don’t cut yourself but try to find something to do what you like and what makes you happy (listening to music, reading books, being good at school and making a carreer, dancing…)cutting yourself will not help, it’ll make you feel worse i guess but finding another outlet will help you!
i’m her daughter , and no i don’t ever talk to her about that i have moved out of home, i cutt myself so i can feel something i don’t know why i like it. i only have sad music witch make me feel worst, i’m not a strong reader i didn’t finish high school mainly because of that and dancing well i don’t have the body.. but i just started to see someone to talk about everything in my life and i hope this helps. thank you.
ohh that’s great, i’m sure that the psychologist will help you, and don’t be so negative about things that you can’t do. who said that you can’t, you can do everything if you really want it! try to finish your high school, then there will be more opportunities for you, education is so important, don’t let it get ruined by negative things which happen in your life. And just start with little things like stop listening to sad music and listen to happy music 🙂 like the last song of J LO 🙂 did you hear it? goodluck you can do it!