To those that know me you know who I am, I am not a video game character but a person as lost in life as everyone else here, a person who fears the future, who fears how his life will turn out. Â Who knew that life would lead me to this? Â Who knew that one day I would kill myself, my point is I am no longer happy here, my coping skills have been decimated, I don’t think I can stand living any longer, even longer than a year. Â I know my family will see me again, Â I have everything panned out all I need is the helium. Â I have the exit bag, I have the helium regulator, Â I’ve done all the research, I’ve tried meditating, tried doing the right thing but I can no longer hold my own. Â I’ve been keeping this from my family and friends for a long time. Â I already have my suicide planned, I already have an idea of what I want to say.
In 2 months time I’m going to come home from work one day, do my usual routine then when everyone is asleep I’ll put my headphones on, I’ll set up everything, I will have a second helium tank or maybe a 3rd incase 1 isn’t enough but I plan on handcuffing my hands to my belt loops that way I can’t bend down to take off the hood. Â I have tried many times to end my life and I have found the perfect way out. Â I mean we are all gonna die anyways right? Â Whats gonna happen to us in 20 yrs if we keep going this way, whats gonna happen to me, I’m pretty sure my future is bleak… I’m so tired of how literally people take the bible, they mis interpret it and use it for their own personal gain. Â I do believe in god but how in the hell can you say a suicidal goes to hell? Â In there minds they are in hell, Â I honestly believe I am in hell. Â So I am vacating this hell. Â God whoever I hurt I’m so sorry. Â The more I go through life the closer it gets. I’ll be here on a while and post updates of how things are progressing but theres no life left in me. Â Once again sorry for the people this will hurt.