To those that know me you know who I am, I am not a video game character but a person as lost in life as everyone else here, a person who fears the future, who fears how his life will turn out. Â Who knew that life would lead me to this? Â Who knew that one day I would kill myself, my point is I am no longer happy here, my coping skills have been decimated, I don’t think I can stand living any longer, even longer than a year. Â I know my family will see me again, Â I have everything panned out all I need is the helium. Â I have the exit bag, I have the helium regulator, Â I’ve done all the research, I’ve tried meditating, tried doing the right thing but I can no longer hold my own. Â I’ve been keeping this from my family and friends for a long time. Â I already have my suicide planned, I already have an idea of what I want to say.
In 2 months time I’m going to come home from work one day, do my usual routine then when everyone is asleep I’ll put my headphones on, I’ll set up everything, I will have a second helium tank or maybe a 3rd incase 1 isn’t enough but I plan on handcuffing my hands to my belt loops that way I can’t bend down to take off the hood. Â I have tried many times to end my life and I have found the perfect way out. Â I mean we are all gonna die anyways right? Â Whats gonna happen to us in 20 yrs if we keep going this way, whats gonna happen to me, I’m pretty sure my future is bleak… I’m so tired of how literally people take the bible, they mis interpret it and use it for their own personal gain. Â I do believe in god but how in the hell can you say a suicidal goes to hell? Â In there minds they are in hell, Â I honestly believe I am in hell. Â So I am vacating this hell. Â God whoever I hurt I’m so sorry. Â The more I go through life the closer it gets. I’ll be here on a while and post updates of how things are progressing but theres no life left in me. Â Once again sorry for the people this will hurt.
6 comments
Are you set on this, do you not feel like trying one last time? You’ve got 2 months after all.
I hope you change your mind *hugs*
I’m not set as my fear keeps me here… its like when I get depressed my subconcious keeps throwing defenses at me.
yea I pretty much feel the same as you. 17 yrs old, have been optimistic for the longest but I’ve been depressed for 6 years and can’t remember the last time I’ve been happy. I’m gonna use helium too. and I’ve never thought about what you said–how people take the bible too literally and sending suicidal people to hell. I agree with you there, too.
It’s been proven that for most suicidal people there are chemical and enzyme imbalances in the brain. There can sometimes even be neurotransmitter damage. Sometimes these BIOLOGICAL problems can’t be corrected with modern science.
So, many of us probably have a biological problem that makes us depressed and suicidal. For some it appears there’s no cure or little relief. Saying a suicide goes to hell is like saying someone who died from cancer goes to hell. The idea of suicides going to hell is just ANOTHER fear tactic religions use to control people.
Don’t worry, you won’t go to hell. I don’t believe in hell anyway- well, the one described by Christianity anyway. You are correct though… we are already in hell and have suffered enough.
please dont do it, this really made me cry just hearing the plan
Think about how your family will feel when they wake up and find you like that it will kill them as well. My friend she was 23 had a 2 yr old son and a 17 yr old sister and that was they re family thats all they had. the 17yr old died of an overdose last summer and her sister (my friend) found her 3 months later my friend shot herself and now that little boy is in a foster home. I think about killing myself and have tried 4 times but the other day when i was trying i realized that it would devaste my mother and my sister who are all i have and they are both on meds and depressed too. Just please think about it more and if you wanna talk about past expierences and some other ways out email me! morganinnocenzi7@yahoo.com
and that goes for any of you if u want to get to know me or just talk email me!!!!!