You make your Owen choices in life and life is about the choices you make
                          So what’s so fucking wrong with choosing your own life to take?
Honestly with how my life has pan out and unfold Â
                                      Is it that unthinkable to think i’m just not meant for this world?
There is nothing wrong with me, nothing biological
                                 This isn’t out of desperation in fact it’s quite logical
I’m not saying death is definitely the answer, and i don’t know what comes next
                              It could be happiness, nothingness, or hell, if you believe in bibles text
I don’t know what happens for sure
                                   The morning after the life before
As all these thoughts are rushing through my head
                                I wonder is there gonna be answers or just more questions instead?
When i die, is it actually going to hurt less?
                                    Is dying going to get rid of all this emptiness?
Is there still gonna be sadness and stress?
                                 Well i don’t know and i think it’s any ones guess
I know it’s a gamble and if i’m wrong i just die
                           But what makes me different, is that i’m daring to try
In life I’ve never been afraid to try, this you can’t deny
                           This will be my last dare, daring to say goodbye
Don’t give me that crap about this being so weak  Â
                          I’m only doing this to find the answers i seek
Don’t think this is taking the easy way out  Â
                          Actually you can think what you want, since i won’t be about
I simply have no reason for doing this any longer  Â
                          And if you think i need to be stronger, you couldn’t be any wronger
We both sold our souls cheaper than it’s worth
                           After everything you have felt since the day of your birth
If you think about it, you will agree i bet
                          You sold yours to life and i sold mine to death
My life has been one long struggle to maintain     Â
                                     If you’re not aware of it, please allow me to explain
Ever since i was little I’ve been trying to entertain
                                     The idea that one day the answer i will attain
That one day i will wake up and my Soule will have nothing to complain
                                     That i will find out the reason for taking all this pain
Ever since i was little I’ve been picking my brain
                                   What’s the reason for staying alive and not getting off this train?
I was always told that it was me who was wrong
                                  That i was the odd one out, the one that didn’t belong
I was led to believe that it was my fault, again and again
                                    I was led to believe that in me laid something inhumane
All because i stole a little money from my mum and dad, without their knowledge
                             Or i use to skip school and dropped out of college
Because i didn’t take shit too serious and was a bit of joker
                             Or i gave up my job to go and play a little poker
Because i made no plans for the future as i didn’t see the point
                             Or i started smoking and learned how to roll a joint
With every one trying to change me, on my path i remained
                          They couldn’t understand it because i refused to be contained
 I think that’s very brave considering they all tried to have me detained
People closest to me have called me lazy and insane
                                Just because i had not found my soul’s champagne
I’ve looked and I’ve searched and i tried, but all in vein
                               Is it really my fault that i found everything just so mundane?
They always judged me in their own little committee
                               They were the judge and the jury and they always found me guilty
It wasn’t that they were bad or didn’t love me
                             They actually thought they were doing what was best for me
They gave me everything they could but i still feel cheated
                             Because i never got the one thing i actually needed
Here is what i’m actually trying to say to the court
                            That all i ever wanted was just some emotional support
I don’t blame them, it wasn’t their fault, i think they really tried
                          But we were from two separate planets that failed to ever collide
Everything they said i always asked why?
                         It’s safe to say we never saw eye to eye
Everything was so simple to them; it was either wrong or right
                         But i just didn’t see it like that, not that black or white
“It’s right to be straight and it’s wrong to be gayâ€
                         But it’s never that simple, there is also gray
I tried to explain myself, but it always ended up in a fight
                      Until i eventually learned to say nothing and kept my mouth shut
 I wanted to show them the light, but they refused to leave the night
                     Their eyes just couldn’t take it as my world was just too bright
Asking no questions and always doing what they were told
                      From the day they were born till the day they get old
They called it religion and fait, this refusal to break their mould
                And anyone who dared, they just called them bold
One day they will find out, it was rubbish they were sold
                 That at the end of the rainbow, there is no pot of gold                 Â
Me, well i was different and that’s not how i rolled
                 If this is living, i’m sorry my hand i’m gonna fold
They had some made up rules to which they held on tight
                   But you wouldn’t even be here if Adam had not taken that bite?
I’m writing this now, not to try and impress
                                But to my guilt and sins i really want to confess
I’m guilty of not being like the others
                               All the other sons, brothers, and lovers
I’m guilty of not wanting the stars or not shooting for the moon
                             I’m guilty of not wanting to be millioner or a tycoon
I’m guilty of seeing things different and singing in a different tune
                            I’m guilty of an open mind and refuse to live in bubble or a balloon
I’m guilty of not believing in god and always asking why
                           I’m guilty of being as sincere as an infant’s cry
I’m guilty of being laidback like Garfield in that cartoon
                           I’m guilty of going against the masses and their monsoon
I’m guilty of driving a 01 Civic and not a brand new super saloon
                           I’m guilty of always wanting more than just a silver spoon
 I’m guilty of not staying alive for the sake of it and choosing to end my life soon
                            I’m guilty of saying†i love you†this February and not last June
I’m guilty of saying different words and making a different sound
                              I’m guilty of what Galileo was, when he said the earth was round?
I’m guilty of trying to break free, finding things out for myself, and not be bound
                             To the point of view of every other mother fucker around
I’m guilty of fighting these stupid rules, pound for pound
                              I’m guilty of not just accepting shit, as people around me have found
My choices and my thinking and my point of view has always been frowned
                             Simply because i have always refused to make the same sound
I’m guilty of searching for something profound
I really don’t understand this and i have to say i’m astound
                      How easy people accuse me just because they can’t fit me in their surround
But perhaps one day, they will know the truth and i will be crowned
                     One day after they burry me six feet under the ground
I made my bed and i will lie in it Â
                                Even though that means i will have to die in it
I have always lived my life as i have felt
                                Don’t have any regrets and now i have left
I tried my best and it just didn’t work out
                                  It was just time to check the fuck out
I’m not saying no to the future or what’s ahead
                                 I’m simply refusing to be infected with a disease that is so widespread
I refuse to just breathe air, fuck something with long hair, and then eat some bread
                                   I’m just saying no to this routine, what i call “life of the living-deadâ€
As i’m writing this i can’t help it but wonder
                     This one thought in my head so loud like thunder
It’s pretty much the sum of all my fears
                   It’s so fucking loud it’s deafening my ears
It won’t let me breathe and i often feel like i’m going to choke
                   It’s the only thought in my head every time i’m enjoying a smoke
I wonder when the moment comes will i go ahead and take the bullet?
                   Or will i ***** out and my shaky hands won’t be able to pull it?
When the moment comes am i going to be brave?
                    Or am i going to cave in and let life take me back as a slave?
Wondering will i have the strength to pull that trigger
                      Or will life get the last laugh and turn me into his ******
Wondering if it’ll go smooth with no problems, no glitches
                    Or is it my fait to be one of life’s fine bitches
Keep asking myself, am i going to finally leave this fraternity
                     It’s just gonna take a split second and then I’ll meet eternity
When the moment comes am i going to be able to let go
                     Well i guess if you’re reading this then you already know
I know after i’m gone you will all probably cry
                           But here is my question to you…ask yourself why?
You’re not crying for me because this was my choice
                          I’m not filed with sadness no more but with Joyce
If i could talk from the other side and you could all hear my voice
                           I would ask you all to stop the tears and to all rejoice
I know when i’m gone some of you may miss me
                          Look at my picture, pick it up and kiss me
But please i’m begging you, for me shed no tears
                       Instead gather around, give each other a hug and have a few beers
Share your memories and stories of me, that’s how you should engage
                     I know i made you all laugh out loud, at some stage
Have laugh, tell a joke, share a look, and think a thought, all while having boos
                     But don’t you dare judge, remember you were never in my shoes
I’m wondering now how you may all react
                      Those who loved me, those who want me back, and those who loved me but didn’t want me back
Some will cry, some will be sad, some could even go mad,
                             Some will say “well such is life even though it’s badâ€
One thing i know for sure is that no one will be glad
                     Well all but perhaps one, i mean i could meet my dad!!!
I’m not saying it will happen but you can’t tell me it won’t
                    Lets imagine it does happen, would you do it or still tell me don’t?
Don’t get me wrong i have no false hopes leaving this place
                   Have no idea if there is anything at all at the end of this chase
But i want to be gone with all of you knowing
                   That i do know what the fuck i’m doing
I don’t know if this is any good, writing is just not my thing
                Talking is my babe, that’s where i’m a fucking king
All who have talked to me know what  i mean
               You know one of those conversations where your mind needed freeing
One of those where i gave you a bit of my being
               On those where your eyes opened and only started seeing
One of those where you needed to get rid of some doubt
               Of those where you got sick of not knowing and were willing to find out
Yeah i’m sure if you had them with me you know what i’m talking about
                 Like the ones you argued at first but then later sent a text and apologised about
2 comments
Wow you had a lot of time on your hands!
So did I for reading all this.
Fuck that’s way too long, didn’t read it, it’s a joke!