nothing feels right anymore. happiness comes and goes. but at night.. i feel like im falling. i wish i could rip my heart out and lock it away so no one will ever hurt me. im in a state of depression that scares me. i cut up my leggs so my mom cant see my cute. ive carved “hopeless’, “worthles” “slut” and “no one loves you” into my leggs over the past month. the person i love doesnt love me. the family who said they would always be there for me never is.Â my mom crys everynight. she doesnt smile anymore. my house is full of sadness.
i wanted to run away lastnight. mom was yelling at the bank, and my uncles about them stealing my dads money. my dad didnt take care of anything before he died..
And to make matters worse… and a big reason i wish i could die now is at 10:30pm my ex boyfriend found me walking home from work…. he called me a slut and his slave (sex slave) and pushed me down and tried to rape me… again…. thankfully i had a can of spray paint on me and spraied his eyes and ran home. i ran in the door locked it and called 911. my mom grabed me and her batt. yes people she has a bat and we waited. hes in jail and im safe i guess.. i still feel worthless… because of this… i believe no one will ever love me for me.. they will only want myy body…. i think hes (ex boyfriend) right…. im not good for anything but sex…..
im alone. ive been alone for years… im tired of being alone
i keep dreaming that my moms going to die soon. that scares me. if she does die then i will kill myself. i sware on my fathers grave ill do it..
i want a new life. i hate this life. i hate the pain in my heart. it feels like lead is buried deep inside me! please im begging you someone anyone pull it out!!!!!
i wish someone would kill me so i could go to heaven wiht my dad.. or atleast put me in a coma…
god end my suffering. please… im losing myself… and my sanity….. please save me…