Reading people wanting to die, it reminded me. I want to die. NOW. I can’t find a good painless way to go at it, but I’ll keep trying. I’ll go in a month and a half, with or without a good method. I’m sure people have seen me around here and never fully understood my whole story or hear some of it, but I’ll rant and tell a bit of it. I have mentioned my story in older posts, which no one probably read.
I’m sad and suicidal for so many reasons. Some of them can be considered so idiotic and stupid by others. But today, as I saw my exgf happy as she ignored me and doesn’t care about if I live or die, I realized again, she’s just like the others in my life.Â
Her lines: “I’ll love you forever. I’ll be with you always. I understand you. It’s fate that brought us together. Please marry me soon. I can’t live without you. You’re my everything. I can’t live without you. Without you, I’ll kill myself or die off in depression. I need you. I want to be your wife. I always think of you and miss you when you’re not with me. You’re always on my mind. You’re the only one for me. I’ll be yours forever.”Â
I took all her words and burned them into my heart and soul. And then after hearing those words every single day and night for over 7-8 months, she left me. The week before she did, we were still lovey dovey and loving each other then suddenly she said she doesn’t want to be with me cause she “didn’t have time” for me. Yet, she has time to go online to talk to her friends or invite friends over for sleepovers. She doesnt care if I die. She ignored me for over a month and is fine and happy. She left me coldly, and after she made me lose all my friends too. The only friends I had left were girls, what was left of the many friends I had. She didn’t like me talking to other girls and wanted me for herself, so I had to give them up. She said she would be with me always, so I believe it. I revolved my world around her. I was always there for her. I managed to make her happy. Then when she is, she left me. I have no one in my life. I have nothing. I tried moving on and loving another girl, but it did not work. Today, I saw her smiling and happy. Then even on her facebook, she put up a picture of her smiling… she was against putting pictures of herself up for so long.. she only used icons. It crushed my soul. It reminded me of all the happy times I was with her and how she just left me. I never mistreated her. I always appreciated and loved her. She was with someone who ignored and didn’t care about her before, so she said she was lucky to be with me. But it was all lies.
She’s one of the reasons I want to die so much. I have more, but this is what led me to this point. Why am I stupid for not moving on even though there are other fish in the sea? it’s because I truly loved her and the things she said to me everyday tatooed itself in my heart and soul. I’m stupid.
I planned on killing myself over the summer if I can’t find a good way to die, but I’m moving my plans up. Seeing her happy and smiling was just the trigger that started making things go earlier. I’ll be around for a month and a half more if anyone needs me. I’ll help you and carry your burdens to hell with me, so you can be happy instead.
IF ANYONE KNOWS A PAINLESS, SUCESSFUL METHOD TO DIE THAT IS ACCESSIBLE, PLEASE… PLEASE TELL ME… I’ll FOREVER BE GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATE YOUR ASSISTANCE.
29 comments
I feel the same way as you… I think CO death is painless.
I’m pretty set and ready to do it soon too. I’ve done some ridiculous research(I’M OBSESSED. IT’S ALL I DO) and the only painless ways are carbon monoxide/helium. Both can leave you alive with brain damage. Also.. the thought of having a bag over my head or the smell of charcoal is scary! I’ve discovered 3 possible ways to go that can be considered accidental. Not sure about the pain… I’ll find that out soon! How old are you? Not sure if I want to go around telling these ideas.. not sure if they will work. I haven’t tried any of them yet.
P.S. Reading or seeing how happy people are, reminded me, of how much I wanted to die!
well, I have a big tank of helium that I’m not using…
But before I divulge details, please reconsider.
There’s someone better than the one that left you.
May I suggest you find something that makes you happy? Refuse to let others be in control of your own happiness.
Can you tell me your method at going with carbon monxide/helium? How high is the sucess rate?
@hazelblue: I have considered it. I’ve tried it too. I have no motivation for anything and see absolutely no future for myself. Her words already etched into my soul. I dont’ think anyone would ever feel that way for me again… if she actually meant it the time she said them all to me.
I have no happiness to control.
How old are you? I don’t feel good about giving tips lol..
Hazelblue is right.. you should reconsider. If I were in your position I’d be happy as ever. My problem is a joke..
@tali: I’m 21 now, so you don’t have to worry about me being like 12. So if you have any good ideas, please tell me.
I won’t reconsider anymore. I’ve thought about it thoroughly. She’s just the trigger that kills me, but I’ve already had lots of ammo already. I’m not sure how you can be happy in my situation.
I don’t want to be responsible for another persons death / : Urghh I’m such a goodie ass lol. I still consider you young and your reason over a chic doesn’t make me think your life is worth taking. You sound sweet and intelligent. There’s someone out there who will make you forget about her.. I guarantee. You just have to be patient.
@tali: if it’s just about a girl, I won’t kill myself. If she doesn’t love me and left me so coldly like that, that just means she’s a horrible girl who isn’t for me. I know all of it, but the heart tells different and she left my mind a deep impression. Kinda like if you have a mother who you love as a kid and always known and relied on and thought of as your everything, suddenly says she hates you and doesn’t want you and leaves you. idk if that metaphor would work, but something like that maybe. And… she’s not the only reason. Like I said in the post, there are lots and lots of other reasons. Too long to tell it all.
Can you tell me the method if you have one? It’s either a painless one or I’m just gonna go for whatever method is fastest. Maybe jump off this bridge down this freeway near my school. idk.
Like is said.. you might just end up with brain damage or a huge headache. It can possibly kill others in the next room or whoever finds you. Where do you live?
I have a “partner” idea if your close by..
Can you just tell me the method?
Sorry bud.. maybe if you were older I’d feel a lil more comfy about it.
It’s all over the net.. so it’s not a big secret..
The please don’t just give me false hope with methods you won’t even tell me. It doesn’t help..
idk what method it is… I’ve done research on methods before.. I have been… for a long time… seriously.. I don’t remember knowing that method..
brb
I tried cutting my jugular, worked until my friend found me. I don’t know if it will be painless for you but it was for me. Seeing as it’s a rather big vein and lots of blood passes through it, you’ll die fairly quickly, depending on how deep the cut is. Just make sure you’re not found and you’ll die in a matter of minutes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_monoxide_poisoning Like I said.. all over the net..
Helogterjie, How deep did you cut and how long did it take for your friend to find you? Eh.. I don’t want to be found all messy like that..
Deep, I posted a link but it’s pending.. just search it on wikipedia.. it’s everywhere!
Helogterjie, How deep did you cut and how long did it take for your friend to find you? Eh.. I don’t want to be found all messy like that..
@Heldogtertjie: I’m not a fan of cutting myself, but I’ll look that way up to see how effective or painful/painless it is. Thanks for your input. If you know any other methods that are painless and highly successful, please post and tell me.
i was planning on jumping too since carbon monoxide has the risk of brain damage. though if you jump, make sure you don’t go feet first, you might live and be a vegetable for the rest of your life
Deep abyss…..brother..don’t mean to break it to ya, and I feel your pain but when you’re up against this much resistance for leaving…it’s a pretty good indication it is not your time.
The reality is…YOU let a girl have power over your will to live. Don’t you feel that’s pretty serious. True relationships are not co-dependent. There based on conscious choices, not Hollywood, empty words. Actions speak, the most. Words are just words…it’s funny you said you’re not 12…that’s 21 reversed….just found that interesting and that is in no way an insult but I’m 40…you have so much you haven’t embarked upon yet. Why would you not give yourself a chance….as I posted to F***ME….it’s the pain you want to kill, not yourself…you’re decent, you’ve been a lot of help to others here on the forum.
Not trying to be up in your business, just a silent voice of logic. You best cultivate a whole lot of love for yourself…within yourself. We get what we attract…and this was the girl you attracted and it’s not like you did anything wrong, but there’s a huge lesson you can learn about yourself when you step back, take a breath, and have a positive perspective on the situation….I bet large your whole attitude will change. I am happy about the girls who crushed me…I learned what parts of me I needed to get real with and what parts needed evolving and strengthening….Great opportunity for you here….way easier to face this and just open a valve of helium and say toodles…Hey, I feel your pain believe me, but as a supporter, I hope you can see the absurdity in the REASONS you have for making an early exit….you ‘ve got tons to give brother….change your ID…your not a Deep Abyss either, perhaps a deep pool of wisdom you’ve yet to unlock….Cheers, and good luck.
I may be wrong, but I may be right, so I’ll just guess that part of the reason why you want to do this, really, is not because you want to die, but because you want your ex girlfriend to have a miserable life knowing that she was a major cause as to why you killed yourself. You just want her to feel so guilty and upset and screw up the rest of her life like you say she has done to you. I’ve wanted to do that so many times. I just wish sometimes that people knew just how much I hated life thanks to them, how much they effected me, and it was like I felt that even if I did die, their life would move on no problem. But then I realized that I was given an opportunity at life, and there’s no one on this Earth that should ever make me feel like I should give that up. I like who I am, and I think that even if you don’t see it, you are here for a reason, you could be something great, don’t let her have that much control on you. No one should ever have that much control on you. Life can be messed up a lot of the time, trust me, I’m well aware, but you just have to take it one day at a time. Everybody dies, and you’ll die when you are meant to, and it shouldn’t be because you decided to commit suicide. Just give yourself time to see what you were meant to be in this world. I know it’s cliche, but we were all put here for a certain purpose. For example, maybe one of my purposes was to see this post of yours, and help you out. Maybe you aren’t even reading this, but if you are, just know you aren’t alone. I feel alone all of the time and I have wanted to die so badly, but the truth is that I really didn’t want to, I just needed a change… a change for the better. As long as you’re still here it’s never too late to make a choice that can lead to a happier life. No one will ever be fully happy, cause life is always gonna throw something your way… but you just gotta keep holdin on. I really hope you see the potential in life itself. Just wait to see what your life will unfold. Hey, look, I hate my life most of the time too, especially cause people can be real jerks, but sometimes you just gotta look up at the clouds, or feel the breeze, and realize, that life can be beautiful at times… you just have to let it.
Please don’t kill yourself! and if you do you will be missed. I have always felt better after you commented on my posts. You seem like a very nice person and you didn’t deserve to have your heartbroken like that. Think positive and stay safe!
@Quiet.Star: Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind. I wanna see if there’s a better way to go out, that was going to be my last resort. I’m asking if anyone has a good method that’s successful and pretty painless to kill yourself.
@softsoul: Well, I guess I should’ve posted the other reasons too, but I hate wisdom. Ignorance is bliss. The thing is, the relationship was that close, that’s what I’m talking about. We got in-tuned enough to guess what the other person was thinking and was about to say. Even dreamt of each other. Yet in a week, she totally abandoned me.
@indigo rain: I’m glad you felt better, I wish I could do something to help you and others more. The pain that I feel, I don’t want others to feel that same pain. If you have anything that bothers you or is causing you pain, just let me know. I’ll try to carry some of the burdens that you are shouldering down to hell with me. The thing is, I don’t think I’ll really be missed. I’m sure no one in real life where I am would really care if I live or die.
I feel like you do. I am totally unsure if i should try one last time for love when his words are etched into me as well, but im afraid of drinking pills again, since it left me really sick when i woke from the over dosage. What do you suggest, if i loved as you did, do you think it would be possible to get over it even with all my other issues haunting me?
I feel the same way. Everything was fine for a whole year and a half. She said nothing would become between us. But when her ex friends and such found out a way to do so. I was cut lose and left with nothing. I’m looking at a pill overdose method, but I’m looking everywhere for any other methods that could be used as a back up.