He didn’t text me like he said he would. He was the one who wanted to try and remain friends, but why is it do i still feel like i am the only one fighting for this? i accepted his decision, but when i went to enforce my side of the deal, he faltered. Four years burned away by one simple crush. Four years of constant wishes for each others embrace. Yet that means nothing, nothing at all to him. “It doesn’t matter.” How can it not matter when you are the one who wont let me go? You said you didn’t want me, yet when i said my final good bye, you begged me to stay. Now you are removed from my life entirely. Why give me these mix signals if in the end “it doesn’t matter”? So drained from this shit, i can’t even feel the pain that i know will arise in my sleep. Why does he haunt my dreams night and day? Why do i still love him when i know he most likely does not deserve me? Why does my heart still pound in my chest and my stomach gets butterflies when my phone rings or vibrates? I know it wouldn’t be him calling or texting me. It would never be that man who poured that acid on my soul. Then why do i still live each day in hopes of his return? I want to give up, but I can’t. I’m not lost, i have plenty to do, but my selfish side is still throwing tantrums over his absence.
What happened to me?