Real problems/can’t wait to die

Now, I know better then to think that my situation makes anyone elses hurt less but I do feel that my suffering is so uniquely drastic that you deserve to view what real problems can be had by any one of us…While I do have several mental deficiency’s (social retardation,Depression,PTSD, Social anxiety) but I have a grab bag of medical catastrophe’s. I got insulin dependent diabetes at the age of 15 (weighing 100 lbs with NO family history). I spent the time from there until 28 dealing with constant thoughts of suicide. At the age of 28 I started to lose my eyesight. I found out that I had a huge rare Clear Cell Meningioma in my head that was on the verge of killing me (I should have let it…fuckin dumb ass I am). So I had it removed and it left me almost blind. I will be this way for the rest of my life. The tumor was not cancer but it has a high recurrence rate (I wish everyday that it returns) but the type I had grows really slow, so I will have to go through all the headaches and throwing up for years again in order to die from it. My life is a daily struggle with pain. I am a medical disaster and I am barely hanging on. I already did all my research on which method of suicide I will use (provided the tumor is not back). Like you maybe….I want to BE dead….getting that way scares the shit out of me to no end. Sure the shot gun blast to the chest can work…..but what if it fails? jumping is to freaky, along with traffic or a train. I found the perfect way but it to has possible flaws. I want my tumor to come back so that I may be granted the final exit to free me from this life of pain and suffering. I can’t wait to die!!!