Sad.

I met someone through this site a few weeks ago. We talked about problems with ourselves and our lives and also talked about methods and how maybe we could catch the bus together if it all worked out. Talking to her she said she wanted to die but was scared and worried about relatives and it not working all the usual things that put off anyone that has suicidal thoughts, just like me. Anyway she mailed me last week saying she was going through with it and I shouldn’t mail her again so that anyone reading her e mail would not find out about me and what we had talked about. I mailed her just to make sure she was ok and tried to put it out of her mind, I figured she maybe just trying to get away from the suicide thing and that included me so I left it at that and didn’t contact her again. After a week passed which was this week I googled her. I found her online obituary she had gone through with it.

I feel so sad. It really hurts. The thing was we were on totally different time zones so when we were in contact it was always awkward times and to be honest I tried to be positive whenever we chatted and I thought she’d be ok but also in the back if my mind I also knew how much I want to go myself. Even more now I feel I let her down.

I’m not going to say who she was or where she lived but I really want to say to her, rest in peace and I hope wherever you are that you are happy now and I hope you forgive me for not trying harder to stop you. I really think you had already made up your mind.

Maybe I will see you soon.