and she was oddly alright with it. She told me she wasn’t going to freak out…i didn’t expect her to. I just wanted her to help me make it stop. But instead she said that if I don’t plan on killing myself and if it makes me really feel better then for the time being I could use it. But the thing is I don’t know if I will kill myself. When I cut it’s like I’m possessed and I’m scared that I might really hurt myself in the process. I don’t know, I kinda feel betrayed by her for not helping me.
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I believe she was saying that for you to have trust in her, if she would have been like “omg you have to stop what you are doing now”, you probably wouldn’t have went back? If you want the help from her, you should metion what you wrote here. Just an opinion.
i can see tiredofitall’s point, but that’s a rather careless and irresponsible thing to say to a client who’s hurting themself…would you be able to switch your psych for someone else?
yeah i kinda kno how you feel cuz thats how i am with my brother since hes the only one that knos about my cutting but lately hes been just quiet about things and im thinkin he just doesnt care anymore, but wat u could do is maybe find that someone that would care most about you and just give them ur trust its worth the shot
I reread your post, and what I first wrote, it was because I was thinking to myself why would a psychologist say such a thing. It wasn’t a professional thing to do, and if you do feel betrayed. You should definitely try and find a different one.
I think you should tell your psychiatrist that you think you might be suicidal. That should change her whole perspective on this. It sounds irresponsible for her to say that, considering all the damage that could be done. But to really know her true intent, you should ask her why she would say such a thing when she knows the risks of cutting. Then you’ll know if she was really just being careless and lazy, or if she was looking at a bigger picture. You might also want to mention the betrayal you felt when she said that.
Then if you still feel like she isn’t a good psychiatrist, make a switch.
But I think her goal is to keep going to her and to be honest. If she told an alcoholic to stop drinking, then asked him if he stopped a week later, the alcoholic couldn’t have stopped, but there’s a chance he’d lie to her so that he doesn’t feel ashamed. Just like any other addiction, it can’t just be cut cold turkey. It has to be gradual, and she knows this. I think she intends to get you off cutting step by step. To emphasize this, let her know that this is something that you don’t want to continue doing. And tell your that you’re scared to give her a sense of urgency.
Unless you feel bad about this psychiatrist in another way, I’d say give her a chance.
Also, I think you should specifically ask her to help you stop cutting. She probably wants to see that you are serious about it and are desperately want to stop. There are probably medical ways to give you the high without actually harming yourself, in slow amounts until you’re off it. But she needs to know.
Plus, since you probably have some other problems on your plate, she probably knows that it’s difficult to solve multiple problems at once. I think she’s trying to deal with one step by step. Tell her how you are scared you could hurt yourself, and how it is your priority.
Best of luck, and don’t be afraid to tell her these things. Just because she’s a psychiatrist doesn’t mean she can read minds.
thanks for the advise guys. I just have a trust issue so i tend to over-think everything that she says. I know she just wants to help me, but i don’t know.
yeah i have major trust issues to dont worry u arnt the only one 🙂 youll get to trust someone one day
I have a tip for you. I also have a cutting problem. There’s something about the sight of my own blood that eases the tension, like it makes all the fears less important because there’s something of more immediate, visceral concern right in front of me. Even with the greatest care I have scars, so I found a better method.
I went and bought a package of replacement needles for at-home cholesterol testing. Basically whenever I feel the need to cut, I use the needle on a fingertip instead. It actually produces more blood and there’s no scar at all, so nobody ever knows. If your trip is the pain of cutting note that the fingertips have far more neurons than your arms, so it can be alot more painful if you go slow (alot less if you go fast).
Ultimately it’s probably better not to engage in any of this, but the needle method is definitely the healthiest if you do.
A therapist should act as a mirror or sounding board for you…they aren’t there to fix you. That’s good she didn’t freak out, as ultimately, your choices or wanting to help yourself is up to you. It’s best she focus on your childhood, what is it in your life that has devastated you and address the core issues that cause you pain…cutting is wanting to cut or kill the pain.
You need to go through and feel the pain in order to get through it….a good therapist will be a solid support and help facilitate the process…guide the process. And in no way add to the stress of how you’re dealing with what has you stressed out to begin with…otherwise they are “projecting” there issues on to you….not very productive…and you’re paying for this.
A lot of my stress is related to school, and the expectations that others have for me. Everytime I go to therapy and admit that I skipped a class or missed a homework deadline i just feel like I’m disappointing one more person in my life. Ever since I can remember I’ve had an issue with “authority figures” or adults who seem to be in charge. I hate disappointing them, hate having to talk to them when I know I’ve done something “bad” And thats how I feel with my therapist too. So I just lie to her and tell her I went to class and that everything is ok. But thats not helping the issue and i know this. But i just hate to disappoint