I need to write this down and try and get this off my chest. I had a relationship with someone I shouldnâ€™t have, she had a boyfriend at the time and I guess we had an affair. I wanted to be her friend and be nice to her but I let things go to far.
Her partner found out but they have stayed together and have got engaged, also she has told me that she is pregnant with his child. The last proper communication I had with her was when I received an email on the 21st March 2011, this is the first time that we had communicated with each other since the 18th December (the day her boyfriend found out). In this email she told me that she was heart broken over what had happened between us and actually apologised to me for what had happened. She did not need to apologise to me, because I am the one who almost ruined her life.
I am very worried that she is hurting and might do something to harm herself. I donâ€™t want to contact her because this would jeopardise her relationship. The guilt is eating me up and all I can think of making things easier by ending my life. I so wanted to be a friend and hopefully make her life happier. I have done the opposite; I should have never got involved in a relationship with her.
We work in the same building so I have decided that I should quit my job. I am such a disappointment to everyone in my life; I donâ€™t think that my life is worth living.
I wish she would read this and understand how sorry I am for all pain that I have caused her. I didnâ€™t intend for things to happen like this, I enjoyed her friendship and company but never felt the same romantic feelings as she did. I feel I deserve to experience the pain I think she has, I have burnt myself a few times and stopped eating by I deserve worse things to happen to me.
If anyone is interested I am 28, I have a good job, my family love me and always have. Everything that is wrong in my life is of my own doing, I deserve every bad thing that happens to me. I donâ€™t know what if anything I will get from posting this. If I do take my life I want my parents to know that they were best parents anyone could have and that my actions lead me to this, I am so sorry for everyone affected by my life.