Suicidal thoughts..

So the names kayce. Im 13 years old, now don’t go judging me by what you read . Your probably thinking i know nothing about depression or suicide or anything but trust me i do….

I have bipolar schizophrenic which if you don’t know what is Google it.. Ive been through a lot in the past 8 years, im a regular cutter, in the past 12 months ive cut through 7 veins, 2 arteries and the main part where your veins join up on your wrist. All the people at school judge me for it, but they don’t know the pain ive suffered,

it all started when i was 4, it was when i first saw my mum get bashed, we were walking in the park in pascoe vale at around 9pm as we lived across the road from it when there was about 8 guys, i guess they were around 19. They grabbed my mum and slammed her down on the pole and they started hitting her and kicking her, my mum couldn’t breathe and she had blood coming from her mouth. I remember crying out for help and one of them tying me down to the swing and telling me to shut the fuck up and they raped her right in front of me.. I remember being at the police station and being asked all sorts of questions and staying at the police station for hours until we had to leave.

Up until i was turning 9 my mum met someone who seemed nice at the start but it was all just a lie, his name was marko, at the start of the relationship he was all nice and sweet, i saw right through him. I used to watch him bash her nearly every single night. It was heart breaking, i used to hear her screaming and shed come running into my room and cuddling upto me, i remember one time he was bashing my mum and i jumped in and told him to leave her alone and he threw me into the wall and hit me that hard it knocked me out cold. I hated him for everything he done to us.

By the time i was eleven he started hitting both of us, numerous times we tried to get away from him but he would just find us. I went to 15 different schools and we were in 7 different refuges by the time i was 12, he has pulled a knife and a gun on both me and my mum and ive seen him rape her right infront of me.. Seeing my mum cry broke my heart, we went to the police so many times but they didn’t help us one bit because he was a police informer and we have been in numerous near death car accidents. That was just one part of the reason im so depressed.

My best friend Jake Taylor the kid i knew since birth committed suicide when i had just turned 13, he was my one true love and my bestfriend i literally loved him with all my heart, he was so perfect and i remember all the good times we shared and i remember our first kiss, my first kiss at 6 years old at a theme park on the ferriss wheel , he was the reason i was still alive. But i remember his girlfriend which was one of my other bestfriends killed herself 3 months before he did, her name was ashelzz white. Anyways Jake was everything to me, i remember seeing the suicide tape and him saying for me to stay strong and he will always love me and how he will be watchin over me and how were only seconds apart and then seeing him go through the most horrible slowest death ever. Im crying as im writing this, im not even going to go into detail..

A few months before ashelzz committed my good friend lexi Anderson died from cancer , i remember being in the hospital with her and they told her she only had 3 months to live, and i remember getting an urgent phone call from my mum saying how she needed to speak to me outside the hospital. I told lexi i would be back in about a hour and she gripped onto my arm and told me not to go and she thought something bad was gonna happen, i laughed and said lexi you’ll be fine ill be back in an hour, so i walked out of the hospital and talked to my mum and went to maccas btw the time was 2 pm when i left, it was 2 55 at this point and i was heading back to the hospital , i remember going up to the room she was in and the bed was made and it was empty, i looked around confused. I went to the reception desk and asked them uh lexi Anderson what rooms she in? And i remember them replying with oh im sorry she passed 50 minutes ago, i fell to the floor crying i have never felt so shattered in my life.

A few years before that me and my friend skye sarantakos were playing at my house , i lived in Macedon at this point and she lived next door to me, i remember her parents calling her to go in the car as her brother had a heart condition, and as they were waving goodbye as they were in the car they drove down the hill that was really steep and the car swerved out of control and smashed into a tree, skye went flying out the windscreen and i went running , i picked up her body and cradled her in my arms, she was bleeding heavily i held onto her tighter, she looked at me as she was crying and told me she loved me, her eyes started slowly closing and that’s when i knew she had died, i sat with her for 12 hours trying to convince myself she was still alive, and when the police came for the body i struggled hard letting her go. About 6 months before that my friend kaiila smith got killed in a park , i saw everything . This is something i won’t go into details with.. This was the most traumatic experience i have ever been through.

There’s a lot more ive been through but i cant write anymore as i need to calm myself down. Im very emotional and at the moment my whole arm is covered in cuts, and my ankle has a star and rings engraved in it.. And ive attempted suicide 3 times, and still have marks on my neck from the rope burns. Add me on msn or on facebook

Facebook: kayce crunkkcore katastrophe

msn: miint.girl01@hotmail.com

as i would love to chat to about all this stuff as a lot of people judge me.. Thanks for listening :'(