It’s Sunday again. Everyone’s out having fun with their friends. They’re going out or staying at home chatting with others or playing games or whatever it is, happily. If not with their friends, with their lovers or are flirting or what not with others. Either with others, or busy doing things that they enjoy to do. Or just plain, gone out with family or anything.
Me… I’m sitting here all alone again in my room. I see no one. In this prision cell of mine’s for years now, all alone. I find no joy in anything I do. The sadness and loneliness, slowly sucks the life out of me. Piles of homework and tests to study for line up; me… being unable to do them because I can’t concentrate and have absolutely no motivation to even start.
What another great Sunday this is…
Another Sunday, that I wish I was never alive to experience…
Another Sunday, that I wish I was never born…
Another Sunday, that makes me remember how useless I am and reminds me of all the depressing things..
Another Sunday, that is about a month and a week before I expire.
P.S. If anyone has any successful methods of dying… please tell me. Still looking for suggestions and methods..
87 comments
Unfortunately, there aren’t any good ways_they’re all messy and prone to unforseen outcomes, and they only make things worse.
One thing you have going for you is you’re young. You don’t sound like an addict and that’s a huge plus. (When I was a student, I was badly addicted to drugs as a way to escape the pain—it fucked me up for a long time.)
I think if you seek treatment for depression, you will make it though this. I think the fact that you’re so self aware means you have the tools. It’s just a feeling I have, reading what you say, but I think if you get treatment, you can be ok.
You are not the only one sitting in their room all alone this Sunday, I too know that kind of feeling of being alone and overwhelmed with work I feel no motivation to complete.
You aren’t useless, even if you feel you are at this moment. You’re here, talking, venting, sharing and anyone that can do that is brave and strong and is worth so much. Honesty is worth so much and you’re being honest, which so many people aren’t nowadays.
I know my words probably mean little but I’m gunna say them anyway.
I sure feel like I’m the only one though, that’s not having a sunday or anything… even though you say that I’m not the only one.
I know what that feels like. I feel every Sunday night I sit crying because I am a loser and alone and I have no friends but I know this is only temporary. I know that in the near future I can try something new, meet more people (even if that’s only online). I have a phobia of social situations so I never go out.
I know it’s hard to believe, but lots of people are on their own this Sunday, maybe feeling similiar feelings. Granted, I don’t know you very well but I’m sure you could find a ton of people who are feeling just as alone this weekend on this forum alone, let alone the internet as a whole.
@even: Yeah, I’m free of drugs and all that. I’ve thought of using them, but all they’ll do is mask the pain and won’t change much for me.
Thing is, I already know exactly what the hell is wrong with me and all the things that are messed up and ways to fix it. The only problem is, I can’t fix it and I can’t access the ways to fix it. It’s not something I can do or change. That’s the worse of it. No one is gonna help me with treatment. Treatments cost money, and apparently my parents don’t wanna waste money. I’ve injured myself before with my ankles and stuff, but guess what? they always say that it’s not serious and all that and tough it out and all of it. I would get money on my own, except I have no part time job or anything like that and can’t get one. And even if I do, I doubt it’ll help me.
I got really no way out of the situation I’m in. I can see it getting a lot worse though. So why wait for it to get worse and suffer the whole entire time, struggling and writhing and swarming in pain, when I can just leave it all?
If you have methods of suicide, I would love to hear them. My backup method by my expiration date is really painful. I rather not use that method if there are better ones. I’ve already researched lots of methods, but still, unable to find a good method so far.
@notinteresting1: Yeah… I’ve lost all of my optimism months and months ago. It’s not gonna happen for me. Not someone like me who’s been lied to and betrayed and abandoned by every single person I’ve ever trusted in. I hope it happens for you though and that’s it’s only temporary. I’m sure you’ll be able to do something and improve your life and be happy.
Well, maybe, and this is kind of unorthadox, you should just forget about other people for a while. Sometimes it can seem (and sometimes it’s true) that the only person you can trust is yourself. It can still happen for you, maybe not at the moment, but in the future, it might. If you can, try focussing on yourself for a while, trust your instincts, go with any crazy ideas you might have (that aren’t going to harm you, but that’s obviously your choice). You need time and space to heal and you might be able to create that if you focus on things that you enjoy or used to enjoy.
I know that in some situations this isn’t possible. I don’t know where you live, I know in the UK you can get counselling for six weeks free if you go through your doctor, if you live elsewhere they might have a similiar set up. Don’t give up, I know I can’t control your actions (and believe me, I’m a strong believer in freewill and everyone’s right to choose) but I hope you can at least wait a while and see how everything goes before you make your final decisions.
@notinteresting1: Yeah, I’ve tried that before. I remember I tried that long ago and how much I suffered each day, unable to breathe well, unable to sleep well, not logging on my laptop and just confiding with myself. The problem is, I can’t be alone for long anymore. This room, being alone here, I’m gonna go insane. I don’t know how to be able to be alone. I used to love my time alone when I was in elementary school and all of it, but now when I think back on it, idk how I managed. I can’t stand the loneliness that suffocates my very being any longer. It’s been way too long.
I live in the USA. They don’t have that in the area I live. You gotta pay for everything. Like the world is today, everything revolves around money, money, money.
It’s not about giving up, there’s nothing that will change for someone like me. Like I said, I know what’s wrong with me. I just won’t be able to fix it.
I’m not gonna kill myself just yet. I have a due date I set up. I’m still taking in any suicide method suggestions if you have any at all.
hi deep abyss…your notthe only one alone tonight… ): *hugs* still, i wish i was there to keep you company, possibly cheer you up some…
Hey Maeliin.. well it wasn’t just for tonight, been like that all day since the time I wake up. It’s been like that for quite some time, every weekend I find myself thinking and feeling the same way, just getting worse. -hugs you back- Yeah.. wish I could do the same for you and cheer you up if you’re feeling bad about anything..
): i told my loved one i hated him…and he came on 3 hours later, wrote “…” to me, then logged off…x.x i don’t know why i did that…but yea…i pretty much ruined what was left of possible happiness…
i understand feeling alone all the time…and feelin that way for a long long time…i understand completely those feelings and how it’s getting worse…i feel the same way….
Yeah.. I read that post of yours about it… and you texted him after apologizing and stuff, right? If you did… then he should see you didn’t mean it. You’ll be ok. It’ll be ok. If he loves you just as much, then he’ll understand. Though.. why did you say that to him though?
Yeah… for me… it’s to an unbearable point… so I’m sticking to my due date… maybe move it up a bit too, I’m not sure. Just been really bad and school stress isn’t helping…
yes i appologized… i said it because i was freaking out because INFRONT OF ME he told my sister about april 30th…and my plans… it was automatic to freak out…without even thinking i wrote it… i didn’t mean it tho…i’d never mean it…
i understand how you feel… school and stress aren’t helping me either… i don’t want you to go…i really don’t want you to leave…but i can’t stop you…it’s your choise…then again…you can’t stop me either…but hey, we both try… x.x sry i’m rambling on and on…
How did he tell your sister though? Was he talking to her on a messenger or email or something?
I can see why you would freak out about that… since you probably didn’t want your sister to know. Even I can understand that.. so he’ll understand it after awhile too and forgive you for it.
No, you’re not gonna kill yourself. You’re gonna live and live with that guy you love. I keep saying it, you actually have someone and other friends who care about you and will be with you. Why die and leave that?
we play a game (i don’t find it interesting but that’s where we can talk till i get permission 2 download skype…x.x which i’ll do either way when i hack dad’s password again…) and my sister and him and me were talking 2gether and then he toldher…
x.x and yes, i am going 2 kill myself. i might have 2 move plans up or back depending on how well i convinced mysister i “won’t” do it… ): u have people that care a whole heck of alot yet YOUR going to leave them. why use that as an excuse for ME not to leave.
I see.. so that’s what happened. So he told her in front of you. Well, that was better than if he told her behind your back. He probably just didn’t want you to go through with it and hoped that your sister would stop you.
I don’t have people who care a lot about me. I have no such thing as a lover or someone who loves me. If I die, I’ll be forgotten or pushed aside after a month at the most. It won’t change much.
You, are different. You have someone you love who loves you back. You also have friends and family members who care if you live or die and will be in depression if you’re not with them.
…u don’t have people that care alot about you… guess i’m not a person then.i won’t forget you…i won’t push you aside…it will change…sure i’ll b dead shortly after but it’ll still hurt…
I mean no one here where I live… and… you can and others I know online will be ok after I’m gone. I wasn’t really able to help others much even though I tried anyways.
And I keep saying it… don’t die..
Look don’t do it. Email me I’ll say more then.
gumbeaux10kat@yahoo.com
why the hell are you going to b allowed to die and not me.
just so u know i WON’T b ok after you die. i won’t. i won’t i won’t i won’t. i’ll b hurting more than ever, and if my fears are realized then my loved one will have left me. it’s very likely that he will since i said it so cruel-ly.
He won’t leave you. I’m sure he’ll stay and be with you because he loves you and stuff.
I’m allowed to, because my death won’t make too much of a difference to a lot of people the way yours will. And, because. You have a lot to live for.
your death will make a difference to me…i’m not alot of people but it’ll make a difference…
You can just pretend I didn’t exist? idk. I haven’t been here for way too long to make much of a life impacting difference… and I wasn’t able to do much for others or you like I had hoped I could.
But anyways… don’t die, k?
i can’t pretendyou didn’t exist. your my friend, at least i hope you are… friends impact choises of others… you are doing your best to stop me, you are helping.
but sorry. if your going 2 go through with it nothing’s stopping me. you die = i die. that’s a fair trade seeing as we have alot of similar feelings about things. …i wish you wouldn’t die… i wish i could stopyou…
Yes, you can. People have done that in my entire life. Everyone has so far. No matter how long they’ve been with me or how much I’m there for them, it’s been like that. I just don’t exist.
I don’t get how that would add up. Why would me dying make you die too?
For instance, what if I live but another friend die? will you just die then too?
Instead, why not just live and be happy with your lover, and your friends, and your family? I’m sure they’ll try to help you any way they can too.
i’m not other people. i am me. and i’ve always cared about everyone. i care about the people who beat the life outta me at school, i care about teh teacher that makes my life hell, and i REALLY care about my friends, and you are my friend…
right now smiling promised he wouldn’t die. nikki also promised… to me you are a close friend in the small circle i have. you wouldn’t be murdered, but think of the effect the death of my rl friend caused. now add that onto years of depression, 6 other deaths of people i care about this year. finally add on the estimated impact of your death to that. another death is too much to handle. another friend gone is too much… you are the one in danger of being lost…
I know you’re not. But like I said… you’ll have a lot to live for. And what if your friends died because you died too? I don’t think you would want that.
So… what would happen if I live but one of those friends decided to die and does die? will you die too even though I chose to live?
I know you don’t want to lose anyone, but idk about my life anymore. It has no future.
…why do i even bother…your right…i’ll surely lose another person so i should just die before i lose anyone else…
That’s not what I meant. I’m sure you know what I meant..
You dying won’t help, but may make others wanna die even more.
Like I said… why die? You have people you can live and be happy with.
none nearby… my loved one is overseas and even tho he’s probably going to move he won’t move to the USA… YOUR across the country, and everyone else i care about so much is hundreds of miles away…
why die? i ask you that question to…why die when you have people who care…
I wish I was nearby to help you. I would be there for you and we could’ve studied homework together or hang out. He’ll come over to you… just ask him to and you guys can be together. As for your other friends, you can always just go on vacations to meet each other and spend time together and have fun.
I die, because no one here cares, like I said lots of times. Even though there are some who say they care online, I’m sure they will be ok. I’m not really one to be remembered. I’ve seen it throughout my life with everyone so far.
So yeah.. don’t die, ok?
…you wish you could be here for me…and yet…your going to leave…how does thatmake sense… “i’m sure they will be ok” i’ve made it veryclear that i won’t be ok…
brb…something is wrong w/ me and i’m crying like a baby…need some tissues…like a whole box…
Because.. if I live I still probably can’t be there, not right now anyways… and idk. I don’t feel like living. Then.. it’s just you who wouldn’t be.. for now. But if you live though, your friends can make you feel better and all that. It’s totally easily to forget me. Seriously. Been proven a fact.
Can you just and not die? please? I don’t want you to. I’m sure you can find happiness if you live.
…i don’t want happiness…it can’t happen for me…things i should be happy about i’m not…i’m failing out of school because i can’t focus and there’s always fighting in my home… i hate it…ihate living…even if your not here now there’s a chance someday we could help each other…
i don’t want you to die either…i want you to live and find happiness too…
Of course you want happiness, everyone does and it can happen for you. You’re really not happy about being in love with that one guy and him loving you? you’re not happy so many friends care about you and want you to live?
I won’t find happiness. I got nothing. I see no future. I see myself hating my job later on in life, wishing I was dead everyday, being alone from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. I have nothing to look forward to. No goals. No dreams. Only nightmares.
So.. can you live? please? you didn’t answer me..
as i’ve told you…”happiness” is just a tickling feeling on my heart; gone as soon as it comes…
i’m alone too..i have no real life friends to come over and play, my sister doesn’t talk 2 me in rl, i only hear yelling, and all i can do is cry and sleep and sit at my desk and stare out the window wishing i could jump…
you CAN find happiness…you have a future…ifyou don’t like a job get a new one…
…no…i can’t live…
You’re not alone. What about all the friends you have here and stuff? And the guy who’s in love with you? I would consider that not alone.
You can try to make new friends to come over and play or something.
And no, I can’t. I’ve tried long ago. Doesn’t work for me. And no, if I get a new one, I would have to get another degree in it or whatever I need. Then that’s even more work that and stuff. idk.
You can live. Just do that. Live. And then. Live some more.
your not alone either deep abyss…you have friends here too…
you can try to make new friends…
you do wahtever you want…as long as it isn’t harmful to yourself…
you can live…please live…live for a lon gtime..
I feel your pain so bad, this is exactly how i feel..
Yeah, but I can be forgotten pretty easily after awhile. I was useless to help some people. :/
No, I tried that long ago. I made a lot of new friends where I am alright. Friends who try to use me, lie to me, just so they can get better themselves at either school or whatever it is. I don’t trust the people around where I am anymore. They’ve all betrayed my trust.
I wanna die. That’s what I’ll do.
And you will live. k? Live and find happiness.
All those friends and even your lover, doesn’t make you happy? I really wanna know about that. Because I thought you said he makes you happy. Why should you die if you’re happy?
@Katte: You too? You also feel that way? The feeling of suffocation?
i won’t forgetyou…never….
i only have friends because they use me. those aren’t friends. they hurt me worse.
i want to die as well. and that’s what I’LL do.
…sad to say nothing makes me happy for more than a second…not anymore…
i already know when i’m dying and what i’ll do. there is no point in trying to stop me…but i’ll sure as hell try to stopyou…because you matter…
Yes I do, when i read what you wrote it felt like i were reading about myself. But I wont feel like this for much longer, it’ll be over in 14 days.
@katte… you should try to hold on longer ):> let us help you hold on… please don’t end it…
@Maeliin: You matter to me. I’ve been trying to tell you to live and not do that for days now. I think you can find happiness being with those friends and your lover. Not the ones in rl that use you, but the ones here that care close to you and care about you. So please live. I want to see you live and be happy.
@Katte: why will it be over in 14 days?
@deep abyss… you matter to me to…but is that stopping you…apparently not… i want to see you live and be happy as well, but it’s nothelping at all…
@Maeliin: I’ve tried to hold on, way too long now.. i wish someone could help me, but i doubt anyone can.
@Deep abyss: I’ve decided to kill myself in 14 days, when i get back from London. I’ve written about it in a post somewhere above this one.
@katte… please let me try to help you… ):> i’m here for you whenever you need…if you want to talk, i’m here, if you want to cry, i have 2 shoulders to choose from (u know, shoulder 2 cry on…) ):> if i can help in any way tell me… please…
also your very lucky you can go to london… (: you should stuff me in your suitcase and take me with you
@Maeliin: I wont stop you from trying to help me, not at all and thank you very much for being there.
Yeah i got it for my birthday, no problem just hop in 🙂
*jumps into your suitcase* yaaay!!
(: hehe, i think your nice. ^^ we need more people like you in teh world (: (can u take pictures of london and possibley email them to me? i’ll give you my email… :D)
Hahaha 🙂 I think you’re nice too, yes sure i can.
Do you have msn? and may i ask how old you are? hehe
msn, i dont’ think i have it x.x seeing as i don’t really know waht it is…
i’m 16. girl x.x hehe…
my email is maeliin16@ gmail. com (no spaces) (:
@deep abyss… u still here? D: *worrying*
Haha okaay 🙂 I’ll save your email.
Where you from?
usa, and yourself? where r u from? age? (if you don’t mind answering >_<)
I was also wondering where he/she went.
Usa? Cool 🙂
Im from Sweden, I just turned 17 and im a girl tehe.
>_< i hope deep abyss is ok…
🙂 sweden is pretty epic, unfortunately i don’t know maps very well (probably couldn’t even find my own country on a map x.x) so i have no clue where that is DX but i know it’s cool
@Maeliin: Yeah… I’m still here. I had to take some medicine and then my shut down a bit there. I know what read what you said, but I also think you can be ok without me around. I didn’t do much to help anyways. I don’t have much to live for or to look forward to. I hope you live though, because even though you say that those things don’t make you happy, I feel like they can. Especially your friends that care about you and the guy you love.
@Katte: I hope you don’t die or kill yourself after your trip. Have fun with your trip and then live and continue to have fun and be happy.
Haha me neither xD America is pretty awesome!
wow it’s already 4am here now, i should go to bed since i got to go to the hospital at 3 tomorrow for DBT. So i’ll say goodbye for now and maybe we can talk over email? my email is katti_s_a@hotmail.com i’ve saved yours bye 🙂
@deep abyss… i’m glad your ok >_< i was worrying… i hope you live too, because you're very important…
also @katte… i alsohope you don't kill yourself D: your too awesome to die…
deep abyss and maeliin: take care
my other comment for you maeliin is awaiting moderation, i have no idea what that is.
XD i don’t know either, until it sends can you sumarize what u said?
@Maeliin: Yeah… I won’t be living. My date is set. My method is set. Just waiting to see if i can change the method if possible with a better suggestion. You’ll be ok.
…my date is set as well…infact i’ll move it up to april 13th. right after i get home from the zoo i’ll b gone.
Haha me neither xD America is pretty awesome!
wow it’s already 4am here now, i should go to bed since i got to go to the hospital at 3 tomorrow for DBT. So i’ll say goodbye for now and maybe we can talk over email?
that’s what i said, i also gave you my email.. maybe that’s why they have to moderate when there’s an email involved xD
put spaces between email i guess
sleep well katte (: sweet dreams!
Aha i see!
ah well i kinda changed my mind about sleeping, since you guys were kinda nice hehe
>_
*x.x
x.x don’t sacrifice your health…we’ll be here tomorrow (had acomment but it didn’t send properly x.x )
that’s the thing how will i find you guys tomorrow, i just became a member here haven’t worked the site out yet XD
oh, well… make a post (by clickin the red suicide project header thing @ the top go 2 the home page then click log in, log in and then to the side there’s boxes that say title (enter text in the area below) then somethin else, and you write a post… i’ll look for one afterschool from you, and if i can’t find one then i’ll write a post as soon as i get home… it’ll probably contain a rant poem or something about my day because i vent about that afterschool alot…)
Oh okay 🙂 thank you maeliin cya tomorrow take care!
deep abyss: take care!
take care katte, sweet dreams (:
@Maeliin: No, don’t move the date up and don’t die. Seriously. Don’t go attempting suicide at all.
@Katte: have a good night. Sleep tight and sweet dreams.
why not…
I want you to live. I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to die. You have a lot to live for and you can change your life and be happy with what you have.
i can’t change my life. i can’t be happy…
Of course you can… your friends and stuff will help you..
…sure they will…sure…
Yeah… they will… and.. I’ll help you too… while I’m still here.
i don’t want to hear “while i’m still here…” i want to hear “always..”…
Remember Sunday is only one day out of the week and even if u can’t find something to do on a Sunday I’d make sure that the rest if the week goes badass for me u can never allow urself to feel that u are locked in a cage allow urself to want to be able to do what u want with ur life…I’d love to talk to u 1 on 1 on a friend level 🙂