I have been coming to this site for a month or two but I think now I need to stop; I understand suicide and I understand it’s seductive pull, I understand and sympathise with those who feel that it is their only option, I feel for all here. Personally I do not see the act as a sign of weakness, others may, to me, those who commit suicide, do so, because they believe that they have no other option. They, and indeed I, are, and am, tortured by indescribable pain, by an emptiness and worthlessness that kills the soul, kills hope and strangles the ability to recover. My heart is with everyone here and with all those that live, depressed and dead. Nonetheless, I need to make decision, either to pursue the desire or to cease to trist with a fantasy; in short either to kill myself or not. It is too much to move hanging around the fringes, a lifetime could be spent in dreaming. For as long as I can remember I have tortured myself, sabotaged myself, made myself feel bleak, some perverted idea that there is nobility in self destruction, I suppose. The site has been a comfort but in the end it is just an escape, and here I speak only for myself, and escape is the problem. Too much time costumed. I also reason that with so many suicides in both my family and groups of acquaintances and friends, enough is probably enough. I need to move on. I probably log in tomorrow but if not thank you for the support, take care and I prey that each and everyone finds peace. Being selfish, me above all.