For weeks now I have made plans to take my life into my own hands.
Although only 15, Today I plan to end it.
I changed my mind so many times on how to die (jump off cliff, stabbing,etc…) and now I know what to do. Unfortunately due to a snow storm, I have to commit the act today at school instead of Friday. I am not scared, I’m rather at peace with myself. I’m sorry to those who tried to help me, but like I keep telling myself: Do what you have to do, no matter the consequences. In this case, I must die. In my last suicide attempt, I survived and was hospitalized for a while. I don’t want to relive the pain of survival so I plan to hang myself at school. Not a peaceful way to die, but it’s better than stabbing myself which I did 2 years back. I have everything ready. Rope, note, and peace of mind. Whether I’ll survive or not, I’m ready for both outcomes. I find it saddening to end my life at only 15, but to me it was a good run. My only worry now is what’s going to happen when I’m gone (if I am successful) and what the other side is like. I don’t know why I’m writing this post, but I just feel like saying goodbye to at least one person who I can compare my short yet highly depressing life with. So as they say where I come from: Adieu. J’espère que tout vas bien passer. (Goodbye. Hope all goes well).
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19 comments
I’m also fifteen. I don’t know you, but I’m telling you I care about you, and I hope you find peace on if you die or if you don’t. If you ever need to talk before or if you don’t decide to catch the bus, then I’m here and willing to talk.
You have so much time to change your life. Although it doesn’t seem like it now theres so much you can do to turn things around.
Please don’t kill yourself. I’ve written those words many times, but I mean them. You’re only 15, and you have a life ahead of yourself. Things change. School changes. People care about and depend on you… whether you know it or not.. Imagine what would happen if you left? They would be devastated. It’s very difficult to raise a child; how do you think your parents would feel about it?
Please please please don’t die. There is so much you would be missing out.
Please. Do what you have to do TO SURVIVE! Please.
best of luck to you, i hope everything goes well and as planned for you with as little pain as possible.
If you die, you’ll get to a more painful place. There’ll be no peace at all. Hope you didn’t do it.
@ lynette……you’re projecting your fear at others about something you really don’t know anything about. This is a forum for support, not dooms day prophecies that scare people and that are based on your beliefs. Smarten up!!!
I agree softsoul telling people that they’re probably gonna end up in hell isn’t very nice
@softsoul i agree with lynette and it not a “doomsday” message. If she truly believes this and decided not to share this with someone to save them from what she thinks is a painful place after death then she would be uncaring and unloving and show hatred and no care for this persons precious life.
And i am not sure how you can claim she knows nothing about it or tell her to smarten up. Maybe you should stop judging others while expecting other not to disagree of judge you. I think you should read the letter below from an atheists to a Christian that believes in eternal hell so you can see the intent behind comments like that.
Ray,
You are really convinced that you’ve got all the answers. You’ve really got yourself tricked into believing that you’re 100% right. Well, let me tell you just one thing. Do you consider yourself to be compassionate of other humans? If you’re right, as you say you are, and believe that, then how can you sleep at night? When you speak with me you are speaking with someone who you believe is walking directly into eternal damnation into an endless onslaught of horrendous pain which your ‘loving’ god created, yet you stand by and do nothing.
If you believe one bit that thousands every day were falling into an eternal and unreacheable fate, you should be running the streets mad with rage at their blindness. That’s equivalent to standing on a street corner and watching every person that passes you walk blindly directly into the path of a bus and die, yet you stand idly by and do nothing. You’re just twiddling your thumbs, happy in the knowledge that one day that ‘walk’ signal will shine your way across the road.
Think about it. Imagine the horrors Hell must have in store if the bible is true. You’re just going to allow that to happen and not care about saving anyone but yourself? If you’re right then you’re an uncaring, unemotional and purely selfish (expletive) that has no right to talk about subjects such as love and caring.
James Franz
@ alaltera…….Saying to someone, they will be in a worse place is a fear filled statement and a reflection on YOU or the person making the statemtn….See it clearly! Make conscious statements, not statements based on your beliefs or fears. No one has any idea what will happen until it does. Support and care, it’s one thing to say don’t do it…,it’s a completely different thing to say you will be worse off! Be motivated by love, not fear for what might happen…that’s the lesson for me and everyone. The best outcome results from that approach and perspective.
@ cryingonthe inside, Cheers!
@ alterra, if lynette should feel the need to respond, SHE can respond, don’t become enmeshed in something that has nothing to do with you!….You’re only reacting to your fear filled beliefs. I made it clear to you in an e-mail to not msg me or direct any of your comments towards me…You’re 21 and do not have enough life experience to engage in discussions you do not have enough information about. Period!
You chose to see the intent as that because that is how you want to see it. You see it as fear other see it as love and you cannot claim one or the other because that is based off your opinion and the fact that other people see it as love means you are not explicitly correct.
Everyone has there own opinions. I think it would be helpful if you didn’t judge others and expect not to be judged. And you say that no one knows what happens, that includes yourself and from reading your comments it seems you believe what you believe and that is it. I am sorry but you are quite hypocritical and judgmental.
P.S. – your reason concerning my age is getting old and you cannot use it as a scapegoat to claim more wisdom or not address someone else’s post. It shows how immature you are that you cannot just address a post without judgement or excuse to not listen to what they are saying.
And I also never receive an email from you so I am not sure what you are saying. And you are posting on a public site so what other people post is my business because of the environment you choose to address your opinions.
Again, I am not judging your opinions I was just trying to show you that someone’s intent may have been different than you have perceived.
OK I don’t think the next level is a painful place, and there will still be peace at times, and compassion for the victim. That’s what I feel.
But I do know that life is full of lessons, and a 15 year old has barely started to learn them. So all those lessons that are missed on Earth will still have to be learned, and it’s got to be much easier to learn them here, than learn them over there.
Bang on….i dunno.
The reality is you’re 21 and you’re comments are boring.l..lol I don’t need to use anything as a scapegoat….Do you want peace or do you want to be right?
Public forum or not…butt out! Your fear filled statements give you away on every level. When you reach 27 or 30, you will be thinking much differently, and thankfully life will teach you that…
I hope you have more “life lessons” ahead of you because the ones you have learned so far are proving to be useless. Have a great life, I will continue to pray for you.
Thank God your idea of what’s useless has no actual impact on my reality. Pray for yourself……so naive and arrogant when you haven’t been on the planet to know anything really. Otherwise you’d know when to defer to logic and not react to your own emotional fear.
What else you got? You’re boring…, a 15 yr old kid wants to end his life and all you can do is focus on yourself….and stick your nose in things that are not your business. Boring.