times are shitty

i have reasons for not wanting to live
abused my whole life
psychically, psychologically, and sexually.
I’ve been through therapist after therapist.
I can’t tell them anything because it’s my father who abused me
He is a very powerful, wealthy man.
My mother knows but denies it all. He abuses her also, but she would never leave him because he makes the money and godforbid she couldn’t get the latest fashions…
I try to reach out to my friends for help, but I have found not one that I can relate to. All they ever do is party.
I cut the words ew on my upper thighs over and over again
I overdose on pills too much. I drink too much. I smoke too much. I sleep around too much. I don’t think about others, I am selfish for what I do, I feel guilty for everything that I’ve done to hurt others.. Recently I began to trust people more… I trusted this one guy, invited him over, and he drugged and raped me…
Icing on the cake to a shitty life

yea…thats why im here