I’m so tired of always being submissive about any and everything all the time. I dont stand up for myself like I should but does that really give everyone an excuse to walk all over me.
When I was younger I thought that life was something filled with happiness, love, and comassion. I have come to the awakening that all it is, are unsatisfyed expectations, sympathy, and a dream unlike any other.
I bet when everyone was little, they dreamed of being popular and having a shitload of friends, and life goals to be presidents and astronauts. I wonder if they ever came to the realization that their parents were filling them with false hope and hoping that their children would be the greatest so they talk about them and how they’re better than everyone elses kids.
Phrases like with hope, hardwork, and dedication, anything is possible, and if you can dream it then you can achieve it, just turn out to be the biggest lie that I can think of. my parents tell me this but they’re dissapointed when I don’t bring all a’s home, they say I can do so much better and then turn around and call me stupid because I’m not the kid with perfect scores on everything.
My dream was to be a psycologist so that I could help people like me but when I told my parents they said that psycology was no way to go. Its like they want my life to be theirs all over again.
When I die I want them to know that they were the reason why… that they pushed me and the fact that they were never proud of me, no matter how much I tried to, really killed me on the inside. They always put me down and sheltered me, but would get mad whenever I ask to go somewhere and try to explain that because they are doing this to me that I am going to experience things way later than everyone else…
Why are they so stubborn? It feels like they want me to know that I will always be wrong and I can’t fix it….
2 comments
Your story sounds eerily similar with mine..
are you an Asian?
it’s funny, but I also always aspire to be a psychologist, well, other than that, it’s actually to be musician, or a travel journalist documenting other culture & people’s lives,
but for my parents, it seems that Business is the most important field,
and they constantly look me down, just because among the typical “Chinese Indonesian” people, I seem to suck so bad & have NO idea (nor any interest/passion) in how to starting & developing a new “profitable” business..
and to make it worse, they always compare with “why, even this girl, or that girl can be quick-witted and “SMART” in trading XXX products with this XXX hotel,..you’re a GUY, so why can’t you be like them?? shame of you!”
little that they know,..it’s really taking a toll on me
and now I’m almost 29 yrs old,..and for some reasons, I often just felt so depressed and clueless about this damn real-world,..and just want to sleep forever and live in my dream world.
And yes,.I also know what you mean by those ‘lies’ phrases,..
but when I do think about it,..I think the only reason people kept saying those ‘positive’ stuff (ie: hope, hardwork, dedication, anything is possible) is because that seems to be the ONLY way so they, as humans, can keep continue to look forward to keep LIVING!
so it’s regardless of whether that ‘Hope’, or ‘hardwork’, or ‘dedication’ will come to materialize, or failing, IT SEEMS DOESN’T MATTER,
as long as they continue to think POSITIVELY,
because otherwise, if they switch the word ‘hope’ for ‘despair & frustration’,..they would probably just felt NEGATIVE, and possibly end up hating life (like we all here seems to do), and thus want to end our life!
so yeah,..I guess it’s no wonder that religions is popular, perhaps because their adherents can feel like there’s still a HOPE and knowing that there is GOD who knows & understand their pains, and have plans for better future, etc etc etc…
don’t you think so?..
I’m not Asian I’m African American or as many would like to call it black and I love music that and cheerleading are my only escape/ hopes left in my life. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I’m done with school because if I don’t comply to my parents then I will have no place to go. They’ve forced me to believe that I am not smart enough to make the grades that they want, and they don’t conform to my thought of a parent the role of compassion has been my depression.