Its been a while since my last post. My life turned around for the good and I came back fighting. But now I’m here and I don’t understand. I’m 18 now, a senior in high school. I have what I want to some degree. A good job, good friends, and the love of my life. But maybe its stupid and maybe its just a minor thing but it throws me out of wack. My absences from school have become alot. I guess maybe its a senior thing but I just can’t stand being treated like a child and doing work I know is bullshit. But now my school is threatening to not allow me to graduate. I’m a good student, even though I’m absent I get the work done. I know this seems so minor and I don’t even know if those threats are real. But the what if’s, and the whatsÂ going to happen next is breaking me down. I try to talk to people but all they say is go to school or everything is gonna be okay. But what if its not going to be? I hate when I want support and no one can come up with a back up plan. This year alone I have taken care of everyone, my family is not in good health and they require help, I am now an adult and have taken on the role of being a wife and mother without having actual children or a husband. So many people have lost faith in me but they don’tÂ know my story. But maybe I’m just another story. I just don’t want to see what happens next. I’m so anxious about what happens the next day that thinking about the next year just leads me to believe that I won’t be able to handle it. I dream of killing myself, just throwing myself into the ocean. Then people will remember me as I was, nothing can change for me. But I understand that suicide is selfish, but I just don’t want to know what happens next. How do I deal with this? The anxiety builds everyday and its my fault! I can’t talk to anyone about it without feeling guilty. I want to leave, I don’t want to be trapped by myself anymore.