I’ve never been so afraid
of who I am, until today.
Until I met you. Until
I saw you, your eyes burned
with hatred, entrancing and
capable of raising every
hair on the nape of
my neck.Â You’re Â a demon in
disguise, brought back every
memory, none pleasant…I don’t
know what I prayed to find,
I just know I wanted relief, and looking
atÂ you, my inner monster came out,
I was attracted and repulsed. I felt safe,
and afraid for my life. Push and pull.
Push and pull. It scares me, my body
reacting this way, and worse it thrills me.
What is wrong with me? Someone
so obviously terrible for me, excites my
being. There’s something messed up with
me. He’s like my older brother…
the way he holds himself. It’s so frightening,
but something is definitely drawing me near.
I don’t know what to do…