There is nothing noble or dignified in suicide, there is no romance in taking ones own life, it is a selfish and self centred act. I can only hope that those that I leave behind, at least, understand. I can not go on, I can not endure another twenty years as I have the last. It is simply too much. Now in my mid forties I must accept that I have become what I have become and that nothing can realistically be expected to change, the habits have bled too deep and hope has long since died. Self pity, yes, reignation, certainly. I can, I hope, now end it. Good luck all.