There is nothing noble or dignified in suicide, there is no romance in taking ones own life, it is a selfish and self centred act. I can only hope that those that I leave behind, at least, understand. I can not go on, I can not endure another twenty years as I have the last. It is simply too much. Now in my mid forties I must accept that I have become what I have become and that nothing can realistically be expected to change, the habits have bled too deep and hope has long since died. Self pity, yes, reignation, certainly. I can, I hope, now end it. Good luck all.
21 comments
I don’t know your story but you sound decided and determined. If your still online i’m here if you need to talk. If not i wish you well and good luck with what ever you decide to do.
Thank you, Social Outcast, I am here but too tired to talk. The story is a long one, by no means the worst, but bad enough. There is nothing in it that I could not have overcome but somehow I never really rose to the challenge; now the wreckage and so much shame.
You can change. There is work involved, but it will be worth it.
Will692, You really have no idea but nonetheless thank you –
I don’t want to see you go. I just want to help you live a happy life. I know that it is possible.
@cracked – you seem to know where things have gone wrong and what was needed to change them, I agree with will, you can change if you want to. It’s never too late but it is your choice. Die feeling like a failure and full of shame or in time hold your head high and tell yourself you managed to over come your obstacles, they don’t define you but by learning from and over coming your experiences you have become a better person. I’m sorry if I have over stepped the mark as I don’t know what you have been through.
Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk. livingdream85 @ hotmail.co.uk no spaces.
Take care
Will692, all things are possible but some are simply unrealistic; I am no longer willing to endure pain for the sake of hope. I know myself. Social, you have not over stepped the mark but as you say you do not know what I have been through – something’s can not be changed and some habits are too entrenched to yield. I’ve tried.
I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but I know it may seem unrealistic, but it is possible for you to get you life back on track. Talk to a therapist; get a new one if you need to. A support group can really help.
Will, I suspect that one of my greatest mistakes was going into therapy in the first place, I have seen a number, been to treatment centres and undergone E.C.T. None has helped and I suspect all have hampered. Social, I do not regard suicide as a measure of failure, of unhappiness, perhaps but not of failure: two members of my family have killed themselves and six others I have known, likewise. I do not regard any of them as failures.
Please just talk to someone, family or friends. It is very possible for you to get better.
Will. I have spoken to family and friends and like you they are concerned. They are not however me. Only I can decide.
The truth is, I’ve given up. I know that sounds rather weak, rather pathetic and strangely not something I would accept from others. It is, of course, so much easier to sort ou others problems.
I know that solving your own problems can be extremely difficult. But life can be worth living.
It can be but not always. Look, i can understand the possibility of change, however there needs to be a will ton drive trough change. I no longer have that will – perhaps I never had it. I can not go o as is. I no longervhave faith in change.
I can relate. i have tried change. Since I was 16 “change” has worked….but for the last 3 years it hasn’t. I do not know you, but I FEEL you. I FEEL your pain. I UNDERSTAND your decision. I am there also.
I am 42 now. I have “loose ends” I am trying to take care of, else I would be gone.
The one thing I would tell you, however….is realize what you are basing your decision on. Mine is based on chemical depression and the fact that it can no longer be assisted with medication. I refuse to live the next 50 years that way. What is yours based on? Is it an outside factor that can be influenced? Is it caused by something beyond your control?
Whatever the reason, please, please, please…..evaluate and re-evalute.
From one loving soul to another, reaching out for support (you wouldn’t be on this site if you weren’t)….
I believe in you, and I support you no matter what.
Suicide is not selfish or self centered.
Breathe.
You say you cannot endure another twenty years on earth.
If you take your life tonight, you may disappear into thin air. If so, good for you because everything ends there.
But you may also end up in another world.
If you end up in a better place, good for you as well.
If you end up in something like hell, can you endure hell as much as you can endure twenty more years on earth?
@cracked – i can’t say that it’s weak for you to say you have given up as i have done the same and i’m a lot younger than you. Your not pathetic as you know yourself you have tried. I can relate to not having the energy any more, once i made the decision to end my life i felt like a deflated balloon. I have tried to change, to fit in but it just hasn’t happened for me. I will now leave you in peace, good luck x
@lynette0 – what is this hell that people speak of? I believe in the after life but the concept of heaven and hell doesn’t ring true with me. Every religion has there own version of heaven, hell and purgatory or what ever they choose to call it. In my opinion these are used as a measure of control, to instill fear in people. The truth is no one knows what will happen when we pass over all we have are beliefs and speculations.
I don’t want to see you go cracked
Please don’t go Cracked…
Please don’t kill yourself giwhitey. You can get better. I know it’s hard, but you can enjoy life.
@cracked – sorry if you tried to email me, its yahoo not hotmail