My father bought my mother, for $50,000.
A mail order bride. A silver haired geek dating some exotic bombshell, who would have thought.
What happened to not putting a price on an individual’s life?
I have no emotional connection with either of my parents ; but my mother pretends that she loves me to death, in public.
I go to private school, I speak 4 languages, English being my third.
I have everything a girl could ever want, really.
I just text my father if I want anything, and he gets it for me.
I’m one spoiled brat.
Yet I feel empty. Cold and alone.
I’m the “go-to” girl.
I love smiling, it’s my mask.
A mask that became my reality.
I bend over backwards for my friends.
What’s funny is that, no one ever asks me if I’m okay, how my day is going.
It’s always, “have you got some money I can borrow?” “can I get a ride home?” “can you help me with my homework?” “can I vent?”
Yes, to all of the above and more. Much, much more.
And after I do help, it’s like I don’t exist.
The smile and bubbly personality fools everyone.
I may as well be an actress.
Oh, wait.
I almost forgot.
I’m just a business agreement.
My mother gave birth to me so that my father has someone to take over his company, so he can retire at 40 and she can live the rest of her life nagging me.
I was brought into this world to be used for their own personal gain.
I’m just some robot that will always obey. That’s what I was programmed to do.
I live my life to please others.
Others that don’t care 2 cents about me.
I can’t depend on anyone, but myself.
And that’s how it’s going to be.. for the rest of my life.
So, tell me.
Love… What does it feel like?
What -did- it feel like?
I’ve felt empty… my whole life.
Nobody that walks this planet loves me and no one ever will.
17 years have passed.
I’m still waiting for someone to prove me wrong.
I’m not sure how much longer I can wait…
4 comments
love… heh.. you want to know what love feels like? It is painful… and joyful… you may not like it… you may want to contact me afterward…
my e mail address is lance2005_lovato@hotmail.com
ok let me tell you about love…
for a man a woman….
love is… memories… a thousand memories…
its the feeling you get when your hart beats because you get a text from someone you love… it’s waiting on a computer for someone to log on and they never do…
It’s the smell of a man bending to give you a kiss…
It’s his warm touch not to take but to give… as he wants to express his love for you his warm embrace as he holds you in his arms…
its the way he laughs at your face when you ask him why he laughs…
its the way he finds you beautiful even when you hate yourself…
its the time he just stairs at you you find it creepy and you ask him “what”?
and he says nothing I just have never seen something so beautiful….
its your hair its your smile its… the way your body moves in such a gracful way….
I want to say its the way he watches you sleep all he can think about is how his family will grow from you… he wants to protect you from everything even if it costs him everything…. he wants to put his hand on your stomach and feel the little kick of his unborn child from your beautiful womb… its the way you look at him with such love that makes every painful moment in his life worth wild… don’t look at spoiled people fighting as hard as they can there are thousands of men who want to fall in love with you… you don’t have to grow to be like your parents he wants to do stupid things like brush your hair after a shower he wants to show up all of a sudden with flowers just to see you blush because he loves you so much don’t worry about your family now worry about the family you will create he loves you he just hasn’t seen you yet don’t be a rug for people you are you!
you want to know what love feels like when a man loves you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fRVaAuysfg&feature=related
look at this just look I have a thousand like this for I love to be in love and fuck everyone else… I work hard and I try to make a living if I could find someone who would be a strong woman who could take me being gone for so long I could show them everything you know?
that doesn’t include sex I can describe in exact detail how your hart would race at the feeling of a chest against yours or how a first kiss would feel… the feeling of the sunlight on your skin as someone kisses your neck… but for me the sun is gone…. so I sit in darkness and wonder if I no longer have life in my chest to try again I’m to true to be a player…. and I work too much to be a good lover… sigh… never mind… maybe you can’t understand…. if you could understand you would not be here…
I just wish there was a better way…
You’re parents may not care for you, but we do.
Couldn´t you just leave them all. You are smart and talented, and you really don´t have to do what they want you to do. Find out what you want and to it, even if it might not be what they want. The only person you have to please is yourself.
I’d kill to have financial security. 🙁 Even in that though, I’m really sorry. Your situation sounds tough even if I can’t fully relate.
I’ve also felt empty my whole life. It’s just a fact and I’ve accepted it to a degree. If you’d like someone to talk to or an internet friend, I have a lot of free time. scarswithmarshmellowsAThotmailDOTcom – my email.
Your username made me smile. I’ve always wanted to be the Cheshire Cat. To just disappear.