Right now I don’t feel depressed, yet I am yearning for it.
Every time I start getting a little better I force myself right back into depression and thoughts of suicide by over-thinking life and reassuring my worthlessness.
I have set a date for suicide somewhere next month, on my 20th birthday, and even when I’m feeling cheerful and happy, like today, I look forward to the day. I have convinced myself I don’t want to live, even when I’m cheerful and full of life.
I am in constant war with myself, always putting down happiness and opportunities and successfully beating down any happy thoughts that may be lurking around in this head of mine, throwing me right back to depression and suicidal.
I think I may be addicted to depression.
Not sure what I’m posting this for, but, well, it’s here. Go at it.
7 comments
I do the same exact thing. Even when I’m feeling ok and maybe even content for that moment, I remind myself that I’m a depressed person and that I NEED to die. That I want to die. What’s your method?
I remind myself that life is pointless. There’s nothing to it. If that doesn’t work I just proceed with negative points about myself.
I have no friends. I’m awkward. No one cares for me.
Eventually it works. The music I listen to has a big impact on me (Funeral Doom Metal, Depressive Suicidal Black Metal and Ambient Black Metal), they all make me feel extra depressed and puts me in that little place of despair I can’t get away from.
What’s your method of dying?
I’m considering shooting myself. Pretty drastic, not exactly what I want, but it’s the safest way, I guess.
I wish I could die with dignity, but there’s no dignity in my life, so why bother?
Off to bed now.
Sweet sleep, the only time I don’t feel life’s cold grip.
Soon.
Care to share your gun? :/
good post. ya i do the same shit….. bla