so today, i decided to chill with my ex and one of our mutually close friends. it was incredibly nice today, something like 80 degrees F… the sun was just blaring on me, and i had my shirt off, along with our friend, and she was in a bikini top, and we were just walking around the neighborhood, laughing our asses off, singing songs, and going to battje’s park (cause it has a small lake). that water was limb-numbingly cold lmfao…
but this morning, i woke up, and saw a bottle of unopened nail polish remover…
had i drank that, i more than likely wouldn’t have lived to see today… idk if this feeling will last… but i’d definitely rather feel like this everyday, than feel downtrodden and lonely. i will hang out with my fucking ex everyday, if it means that i’ll live to become the person i’ve always wanted to become. i just know, that i need to be around people…
but who knows? i could suddenly be stricken with sorrow again tomorrow…
i just really hope that this feeling lasts… i really, really, really do.
5 comments
im so confused wait you think you might have tried to kill yourself and thats the kind of person you want to be?
no… i had suicidal thoughts last night, but i, in a way, freaked out, and couldn’t do it. then i woke up today, and it the was the most amazing day i’ve had since me and my gf went rollerskating, back in like december… i know it may seem stupid, but it was really, really nice.
but no, i want to be happy… i want days like this all the time… but idk, cause the next day, may just up and shit on me… so idk about how i’ll be… but i wanna be happy… these feelings just won’t die though. they’re habitual…
i know how you feel i use to be so happy with my ex gf( yes im a girl and im bi) but i just went kinda crazy but the last time i can remember being really happy is with her i just want them back
i know… i just wanna hold her… she’s at the perfect height to fit her head right underneath my chin… i miss resting my jaw and chin on her head, and she’s buried in my chest… i just wanna hold her again, like we used to hold each other… i love her with all my heart. everyone says i’m too young to know what true love is, but love is felt through the heart, not the mind. and not being with her, feels like i have a weight, collapsing my heart in…
Please talk to a therapist. They can help sort out if you are bipolar.