Life is a dream and growing up we are all influenced to chase our dreams. I chased every dream I ever had and none of them ever manifested into anything but a realization that nothing good will ever come iN my life. I have never found any love because I am ugly and too smart to have any patience for the stupidity required to connect with most people. For this reason I invested all of my love into good friends. However, eventually I lost all of my so called “friends” and realized how selfish and unloyal they all were once anything better came along in their lives. Finally, my last hope was pursuing a career as a physician. I was the valedictorian of my graduating class from the college of biomedical sciences, did very well on my MCAT and had more clinical, scientific and teaching experience than any other pre-med student I have ever encountered. Yet, I was not surprised when I was not accepted into any of the medical schools to which I applied. Such is my life. Nothing I can or can’t control has ever worked out for me. I am now a decaying opiate addict. I have no religious beliefs and am suicidal, yet I am reluctant to end my life. My experiences have taught me that things can always be worse so I believe if there is an after life, it will undoubtably be worse than my current situation. Furthermore, I am constantly adding salt to my wounds as I can’t help but obsess about how bad my life is. I cannot live or die. I am a coward. My only saving grace is that I enjoy smoking weed and playing video games. I will probably be dead soon from a heroine overdose or suicide. I do not hate this world, however, I understand that if I had anything in would probably be just as selfish and ignorant as all of the people that have made my life so miserable. If there is anyone out there, I am open to any opinions.
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Please talk to a counselor, your parents or someone.
I am a combat medic in the US army after my first marriage failed I knew I was going to kill myself… that is when *spirituality* I made a deal with god that I was not going to kill myself but I was no longer going to live a careful life do I hate my life? I don’t want to live… and I don’t want to die… its a cross roads…. I have been to Iraq I am 14 and 1 that man SSG Gambonie died on me he no longer walks this earth I was doing chest compressions when doctor anderson called it… he was still warm when I forced him into a body bag…. I was pissed everyone else was too busy crying… it’s not that I don’t have feelings it was a reaction I had to death if I get angry I will never ever be able to function he is DEAD His wife will no longer see him he will not see his kids he is dead and I could not save him… join the army jump out of planes you are dieing man! save lives it is rewarding… you will die it is inevitable I am 32 and
I live …. I am waiting to die learning as much as I can….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0slhWiBVr4
look at this and you can understand…..
we are all waiting to die… everyone dies
when are you going to live?
I have 4 limbs I count myself lucky
It took someone dieing on me to understand That I live!
put your life in danger you don’t feel the deaths edge yet
when you put your life in danger you understand that life is a gift
you just want the pain to stop trust me when you save a mans life with bullets flying or when you jump out an aircraft and you think your going to die you LIVE
my e mail is
lance2005_lovato@htomail.com
you are not a coward your tougher then you think you are
if and when you get addicted to living by trying to die then you will understand
it’s not death ……
its how close you can get to death without dieing that makes you feel alive….
we are all going to die live for now you can find death in 100 – how many years you live….
years…
trust me you are dieing now
you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself…
and when you do
your missing it go outside and count the stars when was the last time you did that? or when you saw how blue the sky was… fuck the roses… look at today die tomorrow…
you have time…
no one lives forever…
live
because everyone dies….
heck contact me I need a doc on my side…