I’ve tried so hard to stay here,
to be alive, but no more. I’m
through with fake smiles,
through with staying alive!
I’m tired of it! Don’t you realize
that? Don’t you realize how
useless it is to hold onto the
damned? Here’s a thought,
let go. Tell yourself it’s not
your fault. Realize that it was
going to happen sooner or later.
I was going to disapear, die, and
never see you again. I would rather
die then be hurt again. I would
rather stay silent, never to write,
never to love again. I’m sorry,
this is my last attempt…
And it will succeed. Never again
will I see the sun rise,
or will I see your sad expression.
Never again will I know loss.
Never again will I breathe,
or dream. I’ll be off in my world
of darkness permanently. Good bye…
28 comments
Please don’t do this. I know you feel bad, but your problems can be solved. I don’t want to see you go.
Nothing can be solved when the demons have won at last.
You don’t have to go. The demons don’t have to win. 🙁 I know you must be in so much pain to want to go through with this, but there are people who care – who don’t even know you. I’m sure if we knew you, we’d care even more. Please reconsider. Call 911. Call a friend. Go somewhere safe until you feel a little better. You can always make the decision to kill yourself LATER. Postponing may be worth it – how will you ever know unless you try?
Contact me if you want to talk online. carin@uoguelph.ca or your semaphore. We can talk about whatever.
If you don’t contact me, I’m praying that you find some peace and decide to stay. You are worth another try. You are worth so much to me and to God. Please think about your ultimate fate – where are you going to go when you die? Heaven? Hell? What do you believe? Do you know where you’re going and who you’ll meet there? I’m asking you to consider this seriously, because there is a God who loves you and died to save you – so that you could live, so you could experience healing, and go to Heaven when HE decides…. and not before. We all deserve Hell, but he died to bring you to a safe place…. but only if you put your trust in Him and his timing. http://www.knowgodpersonally.org/
Stay? What would I stay for??? There’s no reason for me to be alive! That’s been confirmed today. Farewell mangomango. If only you had seen me on another day could we have been friends. I wish you luck in life….May it be full of love. Love with all your heart! Never let go, as I am going to now.
What’s happened today that makes you say that? I think we could still be friends. If you’re telling me not to let go, please take your own advice. You are worth just as much as I am. I am trying to love with all my heart – I’m trying to love you, if you’d let me.
You think you want to know? Fine. Here’s what freaking happened! I was called useless by everyone I love. My eyes have opened to the darkness in the world. I have no reason to stay. I have no reason to love anymore. Thanks for trying, alas it was too late.
I just cut myself….I wonder if I’ll die. It hurts so bad. So so bad.
You are not useless. You can get better. We want to help you.
mangomango read my new post. It involves you.
will692 If I stay alive who would love a scar ridden girl?
Justathought
i wanna cut so bad.
and i know u wouldnt but if i had a gf that had scars all over her i would lover even more
(i am a girl and used to date girls not saying we should date i was just saying theres someone that would even if it wasnt me there someone that would)
There are plenty of people who would love you, flaws and all.
Hey justathought. So glad to see you’re back. And no matter if they call you useless, you’re not. I’m sorry you had to hear that from them. That must hurt a lot. But it’s not true.
Also, I happen to know a girl who has scars up and down her arms and she has found a guy. There are people out there who will understand, and are willing to look past the scars. Probably the ones who wouldn’t understand aren’t worth being with, anyway.
Justathought, this is extremely hipocritical because I plan on doing the same soon but, I Love you. I Love you so much from all the little things i’ve learned about in this one week of knowing you. I Love you so much, and you are all that actually matters to me now. please, It’s just a thought… but it matters more so.
If you do it i certainly hope you will find the light on the other side…
life sucks thin u die:
Don’t cut m’dear…I asked who who would care because no one I am around likes a cutter. They are afraid. I’m bisexual, and trying to find out who I am, and I’m dying doing it.
will692:
I live. Barely. I won’t search for love. I won’t search for anything. I don’t deserve it. Don’t bother trying to make me believe otherwise.
mangomango: Here I am. Alive, bleeding, but alive. I don’t know why I am though. The cuts are bound and disinfected. They hurt so bad…
fellowsufferer:
That is hypocritical, but thank you. I love you too m’dear…If I stay alive for when you decide to end it, I’ll tell you again. I love you.
Rocky90:
The light threw me back. All the light actually is is your vision tunneling as your brain shuts down! I gasped for breath. I was so close to dying, and then. I just breathed. I live. I hurt. I ache. I wish different, but I live
You’re not useless! I cannot believe someone actually called you useless. And even if they did, don’t take it serious. People say a lot of things without thinking. You should tell them you feel hurt by what they said, maybe the didn’t realize that. Maybe you’ve only come across assholes today, because there are people who like you, who care about you. Everyone here likes you. I like you. And there are people in your life that like you as well, maybe they don’t accomplish to show it to you, it happens often.
I am very useless razor wire. Very useless. All I ever do is hurt others…I’m damned anyway.
You can learn not to hurt others.
How do I learn?
Talk to a therapist about this. Talk to friends or family.
I don’t have money for therapy. My family is blind to how I feel even if I freaking tell them… Friends? So few.
Just talk to your friends, they will want to help.
To me it seems to be the other way round: They hurt you. What have you ever done to someone? Murdered their parents? Or their pets? Stolen their lunch-box?
I don’t have the right to talk you out of anything. But don’t say you’re damned. Why? You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
And the fact that you are “a scar ridden girl” simply shows that you’re alive. You can feel, are sentimental and you can care. Your curse is that you’re surrounded by those who can’t. They are mean, insensitive, dead inside.
No they won’t.
razor wire:
I have hurt them. I tried to get help from them. I let them see the demons in my heart! It hurt them so badly.
The scars make me sick. The words on my legs are true.
TRUST. NO. ONE. and you won’t get hurt
We all carry our demons with us. And they’re fed by the harm and hate we encounter. I’ve read your other posts, and your demons seem to be big and fat like my teacher. I understand that your loved ones might be disturbed by your story, but that’s not your fault. They simply recognize the evil of this world. And there are people who are willing to help you nonetheless. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you where to find those. But if you trust no one, you might still get hurt, but you definitely refuse to be loved.
From what I understand, you have been taken the knowledge of what love is in your childhood. But you can still feel it, don’t you? Maybe you don’t understand it, but it’s there for sure. I’d imagine it’s hard, but try to let it bloom.
And maybe I can give you one reason to live for now:
“I will Get justice for what you did.” What about that? Did you get justice? As you already have your demons, try to use them. Direct them towards the ones who deserve it.
I do love. But love just leads me to get more and more hurt. I can’t get justice for what happened. No one believes me.
then if not for them then for yourself, and maybe for us. we all know whaat you’re going through, some moreso and some less, but we know and they don’t. If you can’t get through to them without killing yourself in the process then just stop trying for them. WE DO LOVE YOU. and we have every reason to. we all have scars, we all know what it’s like to desire death. and we all Love You and if you’re damned then that just means we all are. but you’re not. you’re not damned Justathought. I don’t know much about you but I know that you’re not damned. the ones that are damned are the one who just sit by and watch. the ignorant fools who can’t even imagine the pain of bleeding to death or even bleeding at all. You are not one of them. you are you. Justathought. and who you are is all that matters to me, rocky, lifesucks and u die, mangomango, razor wire, and will. We Love you.