hi im 17 and i want to kill myself im just tired of existing the only reason i havent thus far is because my sister is getting married in a few months and so if i were to kill myself now it would probably ruin her wedding and her marriage, and she really loves her fiance but i dont think they would be able to last through me commiting suicide so i hav decided to wait 6 months if i can find a temporary solution to my problem (being miserable every concious second) until my sister has atleast been married for a few months. the best idea i can think of is drugs i just want to be able to check out (mentally) my dad has a shitload of health problems and is very sick so hes got a lot of pills i was thinking i would steal some hydrocodine from his med. supply and i know my mom keeps vodka in her dresser for the stressful nights (usaully when we have to have an ambulance come get my dad at liek 3 a.m. or sometime late at night) ive heard that if you mix pain pills and alcohol together you can kinda just be there (ya know not really have any worries or pain or any emotion, that is what im going for atleast until 6 months is up. anyways the reason im on here is cuz i want to know if anyone else know what kinda drugs i should take to be able to check out, thanks
ps.im not here here hoping someone will convince me not to do this so just dont bother cuz you wont
2 comments
Okay, I won’t bother…much. But I’ll still say a few things and you can decide if it’s worth hearing.
A few months ago my brother killed himself. My heart is broken forever. Every night I dream we are talking or doing something and I can’t tell you how sad and painful it is every single morning when my eyes open and I realize he is gone forever. I can’t stop the tears. I sometimes feel like I should follow him so that I can be with him…or kick his ass for doing this to both of us…then I would pick him up and hug him forever but…I guess he forever took that chance away from me.
Yep the pills and vodka will probably work. Well, there is a good chance that you will throw them up and end up in the hospital getting your stomach pumped but, well, lets be honest, dieing is not easy no matter how it’s done. Plan on some pain and suffering no matter how you do it.
But before you make that choice…let me add a few things. I’m no shrink, and I’ve almost killed myself many times in my life. Four days ago I thought death might be my only option, again, but suddenly my massive pain levels dropped and it’s starting to look like I might be able to keep going. So I will, no matter what stands in my way.
In your case, let me tell you from massive experience…booze and drugs won’t help you do a damn thing, but they ABSOLUTELY WILL keep you from solving your problems. They will make you think ’emotionally’ in ways you wouldn’t if you had a clear mind, and they will absolutely guarantee that your life cannot improve. So by taking the drugs (or liquor) you are taking away most, or all, of your chance to improve things. I hope you see this?
You are young, and I can absolutely promise you that if you can make yourself tough enough to get through the hard things you WILL find a lot of great things in the years ahead. All you have to do is find a way to get through each day. I found that if I could just make one person each day smile…that that seemed to be a good enough reason to keep me going. I learned to ignore the people who couldn’t smile and I worked on improving me and my situation, even if it was slowly.
I can understand that the situation with your dad is rough. I sucks badly to watch those we love suffer. How do you think your sister will feel, every day for the rest of her life if you check out? It sounds like you love her so please man…don’t do this to you or her…I would beg you if it would help?
The pain will NEVER go away for those who love you, even though your pain may end. That seems kind of selfish but, I also know how it feels when you just want to be gone. It’s not easy to think of others when we are in that situation.
My opinion, for what it’s worth? Instead of checking out do the exact opposite. Go tell your dad you love him and ask what you can do to ease his pain. You will only get just so many chances to do that before he is gone. Same for your mother and sister…try to bring them a smile each day and it will (sometimes at least) be a reason to make it one more day for you. I promise you man…all you need to do is get older and many things will solve themselves. Put up a fight! Decide you are not going to let life and your situation cause you to give up or do drugs and become someone you are not. Tell yourself (please) that you are stronger than anything that comes your way (you probably are). And don’t forget, good things will accidentally happen too. It is often hard to see the good things in life when so many bad things surround us. But if you can be patient, stay away from booze and drugs, and work at improving anything you can…I will PROMISE you that lots of good things will be in your future. Patience…and time…will led you to them if you will just allow them to.
If you are still determined to take your life let me offer one last suggestion…promise yourself that you will never ever make that kind of decision unless you are perfectly straight and clear in your thinking. And let me also pass on one thing I learned along the way…drugs and booze stay in your system for a long time, about 2 – 3 months. Most people think they are out of their system the next day or when they stop taking them. But this is not true. They still effect our emotions and decision making for a few months after the last time we took them. So…please be aware of this. Don’t let booze or drugs make your decision for you. Promise yourself you will only make this choice if you made the decision with a clear mind (please?).
Also…would it do any good for me to point out that…we don’t know what lies beyond death? We will spend eternity there, but we only have a short time here to see if we can make people smile and find and share a few good things with people that matter to us. I hope you will choose to make the best of the truly very short time we have here. 🙂
Mike, you really reflect your age by that last statement. If you truly want an excuse to exit, go for it. How..at 17 can you know anything about life. Time is the reality here. At 17, unless you have been seriously abused, have abnormal brain chemistry, can’t function, think, abnormal health condition, you have every reason to live.
We are born to deal with all the curve balls, upsets, and uncertainties. That’s the point of life…to learn to fight, to simply show up. Showing up in life is 95%. My boss used to say to me, thanks for comin’ out. I understand what that is now. Okay? I’ve been close to death, and you don’t know how good you have it until you’re on the brink. Do a search on Matthew Dovel. A near-death survivor. Better yet…call him up and ask him what will happen if you prematurely without just cause, take your life. Fear in this case is a good thing, which should bring you to the realization that you need to learn about love, and pointlessly taking your life (despite what complaints you may have) is not the way for you.
Convinced? What’s with the apathy in so many teens today? Seriously, where does it come from. Are your parents not around to counsel you, parent you, love you, make you aware you’re precious. When you acknowledge and face your challenges, you learn and grow and evolve into a person that is a force in the world and the world needs awake, aware, strong people to help others. It’s like helping a fellow soldier on the battle field. Focus your energy on directing your thoughts in a positive way…the same energy your using to think it’s alright to exit. Good luck.