It hurts so bad but i dont move. The shoelaces hanging from the shower rod attatched to my neck . They hurt and my head dangles in the bathtub full of water. Im trying to swallow the water and to sleep. My body refuses it. I give up i cant do anything right. I relax now and finish my bath. I walk out and act like nothing happened and i go to bed. Everyday im alone in my head and i cant stop these thoughts. They pull, break, and crush me. I want them to leave. This medicine the doctor gives is just a mask to hide the everyday emotion. How can i be happy. I want to live still for everyone else thats why i go on everyday is for others. But who is the selfish one here me or them. Maybe im normal or maybe they just will never understand my very meaning in this world. My meaning here is to take care of others. While i simply leave myself dangling here on earth. Theres no get away and no where to hide. Im not suicidal, because i cant succeed, and ive already figured this out. So Im living my life and doing what i have to do. Its like living with a disease that is terminal. One day will be my time but i wont be the cause of it.
6 comments
If you need to talk, let me know…
I won’t sit here and tell you that you are lucky to be alive
right now
at this very moment.
Because right now,
I feel very unlucky.
I’ll be an ear for you as long as you
want me to be.
I will give you opinions if you would like them.
Just message me someway?
If you have to, email me….
iwant_yourhelp@yahoo.com
i like it thanks
thank you
🙂
“It’s like living with a disease that is terminal.”
It is. It really is. If we don’t die from suicide the strain and stress on the body from it all will kill us. Doctors have proven that people who are depressed more often die younger than others. That’s not counting the ones from suicide, this is dying from medical and natural causes.
You should look into a book called “Feeling Good” by David D. Burns, M.D.
And realize that if you are here to take care of others, what a great impact on the world you are making! Just don’t forget to take care of yourself, don’t hate yourself because you are a wonderful person. I know that’s a fact even though I don’t know you. Find joy in your day to day life, whether it’s cooking food, or reading a book, or walking the dog. I know it’s hard but once you realize how wonderful life can be, you won’t feel like living is a burden! I know may all seem ridiculously crazy, but staying positive is key to rising above it all. I am learning that right now, and even though it’s hard, it’s worthwhile. Sending out love and positivity!