It hurts so bad but i dont move. The shoelaces hanging from the shower rod attatched to my neck . They hurt and my head dangles in the bathtub full of water. Im trying to swallow the water and to sleep. My body refuses it. I give up i cant do anything right. I relax now and finish my bath. I walk out and act like nothing happened and i go to bed. Everyday im alone in my head and i cant stop these thoughts. They pull, break, and crush me. I want them to leave. This medicine the doctor gives is just a mask to hide the everyday emotion. How can i be happy. I want to live still for everyone else thats why i go on everyday is for others. But who is the selfish one here me or them. Maybe im normal or maybe they just will never understand my very meaning in this world. My meaning here is to take care of others. While i simply leave myself dangling here on earth. Theres no get away and no where to hide. Im not suicidal, because i cant succeed, and ive already figured this out. So Im living my life and doing what i have to do. Its like living with a disease that is terminal. One day will be my time but i wont be the cause of it.