I’m very sheltered… I have boyfriends in real life but I also try some long distance things.. I ended up having feelings for someone who lives all the way across the united states. We dated for almost a year but things got so serious..I got scared and broke up with him… I didn’t want to but I felt like i had to. He’s the only one who has had my heart for a couple years. After taking some time to figure out how I could do this.. I tried to get close to him again but I felt like he was pushing me away. He ended up telling me he wasn’t in love with me anymore.. I still remember when he said.. He knew I was the one when I had a pregnancy scare (long story). He knew he would be by my side no matter what.
I feel like.. Everyone has a reason to live, they just have to find it. I thought I found my reason… But he left… What do I have now? I have pills a blade and a suicide note beside me. I’ve been in and out of the hospital because of previous attempts.. There won’t be any more fails.. I promise that much.
I lost my reason.
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I know that feeling. Finding the reason why your here. Then for things only to crumble on you…That happen to me not too long ago. Now I’m just lost.
I had a reason, too. But, we both knew it wouldn’t work out and would just make life harder for everyone involved. She had to choose, and chose him instead of me. As much as it kills me I know she made the correct decision.
I just wish things weren’t the way they were. But, they are and no one can change it.
That guy just doesn’t realize what he’s giving up, from what I’ve read on other posts, you’re a super legit person. Just hold on and a smarter guy will come along and he won’t push you away because he’ll see how awesome you are.
I shed to many tears over him and surely enough I can live without him. But it isn’t that simple for me. I want to die. I’ve been saying that for a while now and each time I failed. My reason is gone, or maybe it never existed. I think he was it but…
I’m a worthless person who needs to get it over with I know. As I said before I just needed an extra push. Thank you for the push…
I’ll be posting until I finally succeed. When I stop you’ll know I’m gone.
I don’t if this helps, but if you need someone to talk to feel free to email me. You can email me at snoochiez @ gmail.com. Plus I could use someone to talk to as well…I lost someone very important in my life 2 months ago. Everything has just been going downhill since then.
I don’t know anything about you two but trust me it’s okay he’s not the reason for you to live or die. Explore the world, meet new people, better people, if he doesn’t see how great you are he isn’t worth your tears let alone your death…
Why are you on here Natanael…
You want me out of your life.. why are you on here…. If you want me out of your life… Push me NATE. You said you don’t want to talk so don’t………
I stepped out of your life because that’s what you want…. You aren’t worth my life or my death. But there is no reason for me to stay here. Sorry. Don’t expect me to live, I’ve got the pills and I’m ready, bye.
You have my heart but that won’t have any value after death.
You are right I’m not worth your death or life..but you’re wrong with saying there’s no reason to stay..kaylee why can’t you wait…wait till you can get away and see more of the world? Meet better people..
Natanael there is a difference between me and you. We both talk about suicide and thrive upon the thought of it, but I’m actually going to do it. I’m getting off. Tonight is the night. Enjoy your explored world and better people. Sorry I couldn’t make you happy. Sorry I lost your heart. But as I said… My hurt won’t matter when I’m gone.
I’m here because there is no reason for another human being to discontinue living…it’s your choice..but..I’m here ecause you shouldn’t kill yourself…
That’s not why I would want you here
I just want to say, I know what it’s like to be pushed away. I’ve had 13 ex BF’s in a three year span. longest relationship I had was 8 months, and it was hell. That asshole was ignorant to no end, I mean, he put his hand in boiling hot grease three times in one month… believe me he wasn’t worth worrying about, but one I had that I thought I could be with forever, turned out was hired by my 2nd ex (whom hired both my 4th and 8th ex to get back at me for losing a court case against me). After all that bull shit, i said fuck it to hell, Why should I be the victim, i can’t help who I attract, but I can help who I accept in my life. Then came along my current BF, he kept pushing to go out with me, he insisted over and over, I had waited a full year before getting into any more relationships. i even warned him at that time when just first meeting him, that he wouldn’t want to deal with someone with my issues. Emotional Impairment is a huge problem to have, and worse, I’ll never know when it will trigger Bi-polar. it’s 80% guaranteed, but he insisted. I warned him that I shouldn’t move in right away, because I know all my past relationships that ended everything horribly, but at the same time, i didn’t have any other shelter to call home. To this day, we’ve been together for 8 going on 9 months now, (will be 9 on the 28th). He’s been the best BF I’ve ever had, and I never even expected him to be. All you can do is wait for someone to come to you. He knows how caring, and smart I am, he showers me with love ever day, and never tries anything to get me stressed, or physically injured. Yes, we have our fights, what relationship doesn’t. If it didn’t, I’d be concerned because no one is perfect. The key to a good relationship for an Emotionally Impaired person as myself, isn’t trust surprisingly, it’s communication, because that’s what normally fucks up most relationships is when you end up saying the wrong thing and people misunderstand its meaning. Don’t ever place your life in someone’s hands. Your life is your own, and your own reason, there should never be a case that someone else takes it from you in any way. You stating that you lost someone you loved because they pushed you away and you’re killing yourself over that, is saying they have control of your life, no, you have control, not them.
I’m not going to kill myself over anyone. I’ve wanted this long before him. I’m going to take the push i needed to actually do it before the opportunity is gone.
…don’t kill yourself kaylee
Natanael I hope you read up to the replies I’ve made to you. But other than that I hope things work out for you and your better people;explored world. And thank you for allowing me a push.
I don’t want you to die
The only difference it would make to you or anyone else is a one less person to deal with.
I think there is a reason to stay here. To stay here for yourself. To say you gave yourself the chance at life. That’s why I stay here. Or I’d be gone by now. I have no idea what you’re going through, but I hope you get through it because I know how it feels for me when everything seems worthless.
Why do you wanna kill yourself? And i wouldnt bother with pills they rarely work
The sad truth is I won’t kill myself because of everyone else…because I stop to worry about what it would do to people..because I’m the last person on my list of prodigies…and fuck…I haven’t even explored the fucking world..I’m telling you to explore it…to not feel that this all life can be…
I’ve got a bottle of vicodin and a blade by my side. I’m going to finish off the pills.
Goodbye, thanks everyone for trying
Kaylee stop this…just stop it
Goodbye Natanael. Love you.
Please kaylee…don’t
Wait do you know this person thats talking to you? What did he do to you?
He’s the guy.
How many vicodin would make sure I’m gone? I have 20
Pleas do mess around with pills you’ll probably just wake up in hospital getting your stomach pumped. Then they’ll put you in a psych ward
Don’t do it!…KAYLEE..
I’m also going to cut my throat.
Kaylee please..
Wait dont do that it might not work and you’ll end up worse off. What did this guy do to you to upset you so much? He sounds like he’s trying to help you
Again*
And Natanael I’m going to do it. Accept the fact that my life is going to be ended. I’ve had my heart thrown around enough, my body destroyed by guys, and self abused myself enough to be sure about this.
I’ve got reason to do this. It will not leave many hurt, they will forget over time and move on.
Want to hear the story?? Or the ending atleast.
I stopped texting because I went in for surgery and he didn’t speak to me after. Not until I called and he said he is not in love with me and does not want me in his life. So natanael it is best you not bother. It’s not worth your time.
Im sorry i cant help you. But maybe your friend could?
You aren’t the only one who’s had their heart broken…you aren’t the ony one who’s had a bad life…there’s a lot I keep to myself…the worst parts of my life…and my heart? Unrecognizable after all the heart breaks and beatings it’s taken.. No..when someone die it’s never forgotten…it always comes back..the memories…the good and bad times…they come back…please just don’t do ot
So were you’s dating?
I know I’m not the only one. I’m just the one who can’t handle that or anything else for that matter. Just.. Face it.. It isn’t hard to not talk to me.
It wouldn’t make difference to you. You didn’t want me in your life anyways. This way is easier then. You get what you wanted and I stop hurting.
I hope next time you fall out of love with a girl you don’t break them in the same way as you did me. I hope you actually tell them. Goodbye
Okay im gonna butt out this isnt really any of my business and i dont seem to be doin any good so i’ll leave you’s alone. Maybe you’s could talk and work something out? If not please be careful kaylee (hug)
It does make a difference…I have noticed your absence
Yes we dated.
I find that hard to believe, sorry. I’m getting off of this. Coty wants the laptop.
Yeah I did mess up..
Believe what you will…
You did what you wanted to do. I had planned on killing myself this week anyways. Why do you think I’m next to coty? But you got me out of your life like you wanted Natanael. No need to keep trying. You don’t love me. You don’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m off now.. Bye
And please spare me the humiliation and not talk about me or any of this to your friends. And please don’t post on your facebook About this. That’s all I ask, If I had a “last wish” that would be it, I’d beg you to talk more, but you do not want to talk to me. You made that clear.
Just because someone doesn’t love you that way doesn’t mean they dint care about you..If I didn’t want to talk I wouldnt have joined this site and I woukdn be responding now
I do want to talk…all I’m getting is “you don’t want to talk to me”
HAHA! Wow. Its not that you don’t love me like that. I can’t believe you don’t get it. I’m off… You know how to reach me. If you want do so. If not tonight is probably the last chance. Bye
And you joined the site to stop me from killing myself. That’s all.
I was in a long distance relationship this morning and we ended. He lied said he prentended to love me cuz i was hot n he just wanted sex n all. N i asked why me why cant you have girls over there? he said they sluts n crap…..should i really believe that someone can pretend to love someone for this long? We was together for a yr. Now hes bloacked n deleted me everywhere….and ive just gone suicidle…11 months ago he saved me from commiting suicide…and now that hes not here i just wanna die….
@kottonkandiikid: I hope you’re able to see this. If you want to talk to me email me at Iwant_yourhelp@ yahoo. com
We could talk about anything including your ex and mine. It sucks doesn’t it? You feel like you found your reason… And it’s just gone in a blink of an eye. My ex has also saved me from committing suicide a few times. I didn’t push the limits simply because I thought there would be someone here for me ’til I’m old. I close my eyes and still think of how things would have been. It feels like it was all a lie.